Sunday, November 30, 2008

Moriah is 1 month old now

My mom emailed me this picture of her. She was napping so good - they could'nt wake her up! She was 2 hours passed her feeding & still not motivated to wake up.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

One week from today...

In one week my Beth will be getting married. This was supposed to be a small event but as we all know weddings always get bigger & bigger.

So, today Beth went to pick up her wedding dress! We had so much fun. Kake went on a movie date with Tia Berba(Minn) & Maddie. We came back and then Cindy took me to buy me something to wear for the wedding - we are Beths 3 bridesmaids. Of course our day was filled with humor because Cindy was saying jokes about her still not being married YET!! Cindy is like a man on a mission whenever it comes to stuff like this - there is no stopping her!! She is like a... ... okay I better stop now, but I am serious we laughed so hard my chest started to hurt from laughing at ourselves so much. We had a name for almost every piece of clothing we tried on. There was 'bubbles', 'granny', 'balloon', 'barney' and others too! Of course we did not bring any of those home for us to wear! Geeze I just can't figure out why those darn dresses don't look like they do on the models?!?!
*HA! HA! HA!* (stinky dresses whats wrong with them, oh wait maybe it's the mirrors) RIGHT!!!!
Oh well I may not have a models figure but I had a wonderfully fun day & I needed a day like this it was sooooooooo much fun.
I had a great day and so did my kiddo's & daddy too!!!
Steve said -"I've been trying to get you to go out with Cindy for a long time!!!
I had fun!
I better go now cause I have to be sure to get 'Si's tie ready for church tomorrow - Oh I saw the cutest little suits when we were out today, I didn't know they made them in their sizes!! (too cute) I wanted Kake to go with us but of course she chose movies with maddie :~)

Friday, November 28, 2008

Wooo Whoo!!

... And the indoor clothes line worked!!! NOW, are living room looks like a real authentic camping spot. Darn, all we need are the smores. Oh well maybe we can get some for next weekend. YOU should see this -
our dining room and living room adorned with zig zag lines of hanging clothes. Kake called it "The line of happy pants". She's so silly!!

(WOW! I guess I am, becoming an easy to please woman l.o.l!!!!!!!!!!!!)
You should have seen me... I was so excited when Steve finished it.
The kids & I clapped and cheered "YAEY! DADDY - YOU DID IT! YOU'RE THE BEST"

Steve, Kake & I all hung clothes on the line and then, daddy pulled out Kake's mattress and "camp Douglas" was a roaring rumble of fun!!! We ate 'Si's famous oatmeal biscuits and cold milk! (YUMMY- wish I knew how much of everything he added) We watched the 8 O' clock cartoon an ABC 'The Polar Express' ('Si LOVED IT-he was entranced)

We were almost tempted to make a switch off on the sleeping arrangements at camp douglas - but , I think we will keep it as usual. We talked of doing a boys - girls -separate but we were voted down!!

At dinner, Kay asked me if in heaven we are gonna look the same as we do now. She asked how 'Lijah is gonna know we are there. She asked if she will have her own mansion. We answered each question with scripture. She loved the 'having a crown' part of the bible :~) 'Si's favorite part was the no sleep/tired part and the happy parties! We all broke out in loud laughter whenever Josiah yelled out, "Man, 'Lijah a brat" (huge smile)

*** SHhHhhh please don't tell... I think I might bail out on camp douglas tonight (p.m.s) UgggGh!
I know T.M.I :~)

TGIF! Kay's home for the weekend

We woke up this morning and did laundry (forecast said sunny - not true) my clothes is still soggy on the lines.
Picked up Kake at 1:30 this afternoon.

She and Steve worked all afternoon putting up Christmas lights and decorations in the yard. Josiah napped and I sneaked in a tiny cat nap too :~)

We are enjoying a nice family evening. Kay & 'Si are in our bedroom, watching T.V

Steve is working on making me an indoor clothesline!!! so glad, warm DRY clothes :~)

Kay is already singing " Family- Fun- Friday Camp - out tonight"

So I guess it's camp out night again :)

Thursday, November 27, 2008

My Thanksgiving day (we are back home now)

It is 7:45. My precious 'Si is fast asleep on the couch (he skipped nap time today). Daddy is out in the yard putting up Christmas lights (yes! in the dark - he's crazy like that). I just finished cleaning up the kitchen from my baking this morning.

My day started out nice. Steve took 'Si to the annual Church Turkey bowl. They were both dressed in grey sweats and their matching Raiders Jersey. This will probably be the last time 'Si gets to wear his. It is too small. We got it as a gift for his baby shower and he finally sorta fit into it at 1 yr. old and wore it last year too. I think next season it will not fit any more!

I stayed home . I enjoyed a nice long hot shower; worship playing in the background. I got out put on some comfies, dried my hair, read my bible, prayed, blogged and started my baking. I baked bananana nut bread and zuccini bread (missed my Kake). The house was so quiet. This is the first time 'Si has gone to the Turkey Bowl without me Such a treat!!!.

I was just starting the oatmeal chocolate nut cookies when Daddy & 'Si walked through the front door. Yes, you better believe 'Si washed up and hopped onto a chair to "help" me bake. Steve had jumped in the shower and I went into the kitchen to pull loaves out of the oven and whenI returned to the dining table. Josiah was covered in flour, the cookie batter was floating in melted butter and a fresh white glistening lump of sugar.
*Aaaaagh!!!* I tried to see what all he had added to the mix but there was no way of knowing what all was in there. - Oh well, we baked them any ways we ended up with OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHIP NUT BISQUITS rather than oatmeal cookies. L.O.L!!!

Then I let HIM(all by himself) make peanut butter cookies (so wish we had at least a camera phone to show you all his YUMMY peanut butter cookies!! They were a hit!!!

I finished baking got dressed and went over to Ben & Minn's. We have a tradition of taking turns saying what we are thankful for. When it was Josiah's turn he was the first to mention 'Lijah. He said, "I- I - Um- I thankful for my 'lijah". WE ALL got choked up! I smiled at him and said," yeah baby me too, I'm thankful for 'Lijah too!"

I was doing good and then all of the sudden I started feeling anxious. I couldn't concentrate and I felt out of place. Steve & Josiah were outside with all the boys playing horse shoes. I felt as if I had nothing to say to mom, Cindy or my sisters. I was so uncomfortable. Steve & I drove to Parlier to the cemetery to take the wreath I had made.

We sat on the grass quietly, for a very long time. It started getting dark and very cold. The sky was beautifully grey and cloudy. I began to feel so tired. Like I finally let out a big sigh! We walked over to my grandparents grave and my uncles and aunt's as well (they are just a few rows away). We also went to Mr. Lincoln's grave (Ben's dad - Beth nicknamed him Lincoln) His grave is just across from 'Lijah's.

We went back to Ben's to pick up Josiah. Jonathan was there now. We were emotionally tired and ready to go home but we went in and visited for a bit. Cindy left and Christine was there too. Her hug was so warm and comforting.(sweet friend)!!

We packed up 'Si's things and my dishes plus a yummy take -home of all the left overs. We said our good-byes and called it a day!

It was a good day - difficult and emotional but GOOD! BLESSED! with Love, longing, Pain , Peace, Comfort, Strength &Hope!!!


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Today is a brand new day. A day that I CHOOSE TO delight myself in. TO think on the things which I have been blessed with. I am thankful because, In Psalms I read that " His mercies are new every day".

I cannot turn back the hands of time. We cannot stay in one season forever. Seasons change. & Everything has a time and a purpose.

I spent yesterday, mourning and grieving the fact that I miss Elijah terribly. At the end of the day I read the blog of : BABY JACOB(on my side bar). After spending the evening alone with Steve watching videos, pictures and remembering. I realized that It was time for me to stand up again!

I went to the Lord in prayer read my bible and was encouraged and reminded by the Holy Spirit, "THAT, everything has a season ans a purpose"

I had watched the video of Elijah's Funeral service. Pastor preached on living a life of purpose and fulfilling your purpose. Elijah did!

I need to see the season I am in and know that I have been chosen for this! The bible says, "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME"

I, have always known my God; intimately in EVERY season of my life!

WE are not saying we will not still have sad days and moments of weeping, but for today; "THIS IS THE DAY I CHOOSE TO SAY 'BLESSED BE YOUR NAME- YOU GIVE AND TAKE AWAY, MY HEART WILL CHOOSE TO SAY, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME"

Steve & I are so thankful that we have been blessed with very dear and treasured friends through this season of our lives. Our prayer is that in some way we can blog our lives in a manner which in some way might bless you!

I am thankful for my children. ALL of them. My precious beautiful daughter born, not to me but in my heart. My first born son and for 9 months plus 25and 1/2 hours with Elijah Nathaniel Douglas. I am thankful for the HOPE AND ASSURANCE of heaven and that 'sweet, sweet someday!'

Miss You 'Lijah, My heart misses you so deep, but My heart is also at peace. I am so happy to be your mommy. I miss your sweet face. I miss holding your precious little body in my arms; BUT most of all, 'Lijah I am very, very happy in my heart because I know I did my best for you. I read you the bible every day, since I knew you were inside of me. I sang worship songs to you. WE sang worship songs together when you were inside of me and when you were in my arms too! 'Lijah I remember talking to you and Josiah about heaven together. We still talk about heaven. Kay & 'Si think about you & what it must be like in heaven. I remember when you were leaving to your beautiful new mansion in heaven, I whispered in your ears that you would see beautiful streets of gold, rivers of crystal, foundations of precious stones, A tree of Life . MOST OF all I whispered in your ear that you were gonna love to be in the presence of GOD forever and ever. I whispered into your ear that WE would all be comming there too, someday. We can't hardley wait sweet boy, to be in the presence of GOD forever together.

See you soon swet boy!

Love you so so much,


Tuesday, November 25, 2008


We brought home everything from the cemetery last Saturday because it was mowing day. Last night I made a beautiful lush fall foliage wreath with a huge gold bow.

This morning we went into Fowler (Marshall School) then to Parlier(cemetery & mom's house)

Steve asked if I wanted to go to the cemetery first or moms first. F.Y.I -It would make more sense to go to the cemetery first because we were coming from Adams Avenue. The cemetery is BEFORE mom's from Adams Ave.

I said, "mom's house." Steve was surprised. He drove right passed the cemetery and kept looking towards 'Lijah's spot. We got to mom's & I took the wreath in to show her. We stayed for lunch and then I said, "lets go home now". We packed up 'Si & buckled him. We sat quietly for a minute and Steve asked, "Are we gonna go?" "Ummmm... not today", I said. "okay"he said & we drove home.

I couldn't do it - I don't know why. I just couldn't do it... ~not today~
Yeah, it is a bit of a bum deal for Holiday Scheduling. For BOTH families. Mostly for my Kake though, she always feels like she is missing out. Steve is missing her alot today he keeps wondering what she is doing. I still haven't made that bread we were gonna make either. I will though, I have to - It is what I'm taking to Ben & Minn's for Thanksgiving.

Cindy's gonna go to Texas for Christmas. She came over last night. It was fun! we laughed and talked & laughed some more. I got the courage to tell her I was feeling panicky about her not being here for Christmas. (we will be okay :~)
She is also gonna miss Josiah's 3rd birthday on December 27th. IT will be a very small cake celebration at home I am sure!

My heart is some what heavy today, I want so much for Elijah to be with me for Thanksgiving. Last year at Thanksgiving I had just found out we were having a baby & I was so excited to be pregnant for the Holiday's KNOWING that by Holidays 2008 I would have a chubby 5 almost 6 month old to feed mashed potatoes to and we would be loaded down with walker, high chair, sippy cup. ~ not today~

Monday, November 24, 2008

Thanksgiving week

Well... we were mistaken on our holiday dates. Kayla will not be with us this year. We some how forgot that she was with us last year. We were very happy thinking & planning the week out and last night we realized it is her mommy's holiday.

This morning we made breakfast and then just hung out for a bit- before taking her back.

I was bummed out & I could tell Steve was too. Then, I remembered yesterday's sermon at church; about being thankful for what we DO have.

I heard Steve in Kay's room and could here him telling her, "he loved her and was so "thankful for her" I went in and they were cuddling on her bed together. She had a new blouse she had gotten for Thanksgiving day, we had her pack it in her bag & hope she will be able to wear it!

*we will be holding on to all the positive thoughts & prayers*

Saturday, November 22, 2008


Our sweetheart is home!!! We camped out at "Camp Douglas" again.
Today is Saturday and we woke up early to go serve at the Thanksgiving Feeding.
We got home and are getting ready for a birthday party for Samantha (Kayla's friend from church)

A thought...

gotta go I have to munchinks to dress plus we are picking up Maddie & Julie too!
Josiah will be surrounded by girls! girls! girls! (whata guy)

Friday, November 21, 2008

Father Glorify Your Name

Steve is going through his grieving time. Yesterday, Josiah & I went over to moms. I am making bows, ribbons, clips and headbands to sell.(Praying no one snag that idea- I was gonna start selling b-fast & lunch burritos at the school I used to work at and some one beat me to it) We had a craft making day at moms & Josiah enjoyed cuddling with Moriah.

We came home in time for dinner and mom & Beth came over. Steve talked with mom a little bit. Mostly he was very quiet.

This morning I was dressing Josiah and we were saying out morning prayers. I had already spend a great part of early morning prayers, asking God for strength & courage. I prayed for others who need to know Jesus too. I prayed for the people who are worse off then us. Mostly I prayed for courage & strength for today.

Putting my brave foot forward, I told Josiah it was time for morning prayers.
"Oh Jesus please let my 'Lijah come back today", he said.

I was fighting back the tears and I explained, " 'Lijah can't come back bubba". "Why?" he asked.
"because he is with Jesus and he is waiting for us all to go see him in heaven". "we go right now, momma?" "no sweetheart, not today but soon, when Jesus blows the trumpet and he will come to take us all together, to live with ' Lijah" (MORE DISCUSSION TO HEART WRENCHING TO WRITE)... ...

I couldn't bare it any longer. Finally I was able to distract him!!
I set him up on the table with a bowl of cereal and ran to my desk! Wishing I had a good devotional - desperate for something uplifting to my soul. I went online searched devotionals - nothing. I looked up verses. My bible sitting right next to the computer and I thought, "Lord give me a word! My tears rolling down my face. Knowing full well that Steve too is crying in the room. We are both hurting for our pain, but also hurting because our little boy is missing his brother. Oh the stinging pain can sometimes be so overwhelming.

I grab my bible and begin flipping through the pages, desperately seeking COURAGE, STRENGTH, HOPE FOR TODAY, FAITH TO KEEP GOING.

I have lots of verses coming to my mind as I am flipping through the pages
2 Corinthians 12:9 Jesus said "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 4:8 Apostle Paul said " We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

John 12:27 Jesus is talking to the disciples before he is crucified "Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it is for this very reason I came to this hour. "Father, glorify your name!"

Jesus heart was also heavy, troubled. He was feeling the load upon his earthly body. He took comfort in The Father being glorified in that very time.

Steve & I have a troubled heart. But our Heavenly Father shall be glorified in this hour. Steve whispered into my ear on Feb. 13th "Blessed be The Name of The Lord, He gives and takes away. Our hearts will choose to bless His Name"

When we talked on the way home that night, holding each others hands tightly we said, "God has a reason and a divine plan".

Several times we have spoken saying, "We will bless your name! We Choose to trust your divine plan." The days have gotten harder at times and financial troubles have also played into this time. As I read His TRUTHS I must believe "Father, glorify your name". He will be glorified in this time.

Our hearts are troubled BUT I AM CERTAIN THAT "His divine plan will unfold in our lives and He will be glorified in our daily trials of missing Elijah and hurting for our Kay & 'Si missing their brother; Through our financial stresses. HE IS ON THE THRONE & WE WILL SERVE HIM AS BEST WE CAN SO THAT HE WILL BE GLORIFIED IN THIS TIME

Thank you all for your prayers... we are really needing them and being uplifted by them. Your comments have also uplifted my heart. We will continue on because of Christ in us.

I better get going I have house work, school time and then We go get our Kakie girl :)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


My sweetheart is very broken hearted. He is so sad, I don't know what to do! Well I do know that "our help comes from the Lord"

But outside of praying and keeping the faith - I don't know how to help him. He is missing Elijah so much, ever since Moriah was born & now even more because the Holiday's are comming.

He has been dreaming 'Lijah every night for the past week. Last night he said, he dram he was playing ball with the kids and 'Lijah was about 1yr. old and he was running in the front yard with his "smart boy bubble" & all!

P L E A S E *** P L E A S E *** P L E A S E*** say extra prayers for him & us RIGHT NOW!
Oh & he also lost his job (bad economy).

He is missing Kayla too & I tell him she will be home on Friday, but he is so sad. Yesturday, he started working on a tree house for her in the back yard.
JUST PRAY PLEASE! I need strength to carry him through this.

I JUST NEED STRENGTH. Steve needs comfort , healing and compassion.

Moriah's 1st "Chongo" (Piggy Tail)


Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Okay, so I hope you all noticed the new link at the top of my side bar. (I don't know how to do this link stuff to well) BUT PLEASE!!

I know the economy is bad right now, for everyone all over!!
We are all in this world together. In one way or another we all affect people around us, whether positive or negative our choices and decisions, do have an impact on those around us.

This is a very good cause. My children, husband & I came up with a very creative idea to help raise money for this GREAT cause:
We have discussed what is the something we can do? -
WE ARE GOING TO RECYCLE ALUMINUM SODA CANS and whatever redemptive value we receive we will make that our donation.

So see, even in a bad economy there are ways we can make a difference. People who suffer from this disease need us to stand in the gap!! WE NEED TO BE THERE FOR THEM IN ANY WAY WE CAN!!!

well 2 reasons!

1.) A very dear Friend of our families is running the marathon to raise money.
2.) My 14 year old nephew(from my brothers side) is in remission right now from a very fast type of leukemia. He was diagnosed when he was just eight years old and has undergone numerous extenuating treatments. He has lost all of his hair, lost tons of weight gotten both back after much hardship endured. WE have almost lost him 3 times!! BUT THANKS BE TO GOD FOR HIS MERCY & THE KNOWLEDGE HE HAS GIVEN MEDICAL SCIENCE AND FOR PEOPLE LIKE OUR DEAR FRIEND & OTHERS who are not complacent. People who DO; as if it were for their very own!!
*I know this is sorta tugging at your heart strings but in your head you are thinking " I am barely making it. I don't have money. " etc. etc.
PLEASE take a look at your children, parents, spouses, friends and know that someone just like them are suffering the pain of cancer!!

It is ALL of us putting in our nickels, dimes and pennies that can make a difference!!!
* In closing I just want to share a thought that crossed my mind;
In the Bible Jesus said, "WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR THESE YOU HAVE DONE UNTO ME" the bible also says that one day He(Jesus) will tell us "when I was sick, you attended to me, when I was cold you, clothed me, when I was hungry , you fed me. When I was in need you helped me. WEll DONE"

honestly, even a $1.oo donation would help someones loved one. WE can all come up with at least one dollar, right? PLEASE DO WHAT IS TUGGING AT YOUR HEART! PLEASE!!
* A few ideas:
ask 5 or 10 people at your church groups, circle of friends, job sites to donate just $1.00 and donate in a group. Or set up a can at your desk. Pass the word along. There are lots of ways we can all do a little something and know that WE were each a part of something great!! talk to your kids about it. They are full of ideas. And it is a great project for school credit. Many schools here in California do a Character Counts Service Project as a requirement. Or for the younger kids as an incentive to be creative & care about the world we live in. LET'S SET A GOOD EXAMPLE!!

Let me know some of your creative ideas :~)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

See Josiah On Worship Team

Here is a picture of Joisah. Pastor says he is almost certain our church has the youngest guitar player in any church!! l.o.l
He is standing right under the spot light so you can barely see the guitar and can't see he is wearing a tie! He has a pick too and his guitar even has a homemade strap on it :)
He sings his little heart out!!!
On another-some what, sad note: I attended my very first funeral since Elijah died. It was my nephew Isaiah's grandma. She passed away. We drove all the way to Corcoran (a long 1 hour drive). Jonathan was with us- we talked all the way over there & read some bible verses. Steve stayed home with 'Si & just me & Jonathan went with mom. I had not even realized that I was going to a funeral for the first time since 'Lijah. (no clue I would feel so emotionally fragile).
I got to the tiny church, so packed with people. It was standing room only & people were still spilling out into the church yard. Today it was 78 degrees (crazy weather). Kids whining & crying all over the place and they were hot too; made me thank God 'Si didn't have to go through that.
I saw my nephew (8yrs. old) and he came and hugged me & mom. Then went with his daddy (Jonathan). The service started. I am not sure what all contributed to my emotional whirlwind going on inside of me that made me nauseous & shaky but I noticed I was staring at the flowers all around the casket and then started picturing 'Lijah's tiny casket. Grandma Carol's casket was white, just like 'Lijah's except much larger. I tried hard to shake myself out of this whirlwind.
I was sitting right by a side exit door. I kept wishing I could run out but for some reason it was as though I was paralyzed by something. Over & over I kept thinking "breath, get up & just walk out". I even thought of Susie, Kristy & Karen (women I have come to look to, in admiration for their strength to keep ministering through their grief). I thought about a blog entry from Susie; where she once wrote about how she would excuse herself from church services right after Joshua went to heaven. I kept telling myself, "EXCUSE YOURSELF! EXCUSE YOURSELF - THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE, JUST EXCUSE YOURSELF" but I couldn't move.
Finally the service was over and Jonathan motioned to me to lets go - I was more than ready.
We went up to say bye to Isaiah, his mom, uncles & grandpa. IT WAS HARD!
I hugged Isaiah and as I squatted down to tell him I was sorry that he was going to miss his grandma Carol. He looked at me and said, "Tia now, she is with your baby huh?!"(it was more of a statement but still had a sense of question to it). I squeezed his little shoulders and looked into his precious big eyes. With all the courage & strength within me I managed to half smile while fighting back tears. I just nodded and barely spoke out, "yeah!" making sure that I was smiling! I held him and told him I loved him and he said, "me too Tia, thank you"
Needless to say, I will not be attending tomorrow's burial services. I just don't feel strong enough to go. I told mom tonight and she really understood. Ugggh! I just wish I was strong enough to minister love & compassion to others in grief - I just can't seem to get there though!

Friday, November 14, 2008


So last night we called Kayla to see how her project & report turned out. Josiah starts bouncing around all over the couch because he heard us say we are calling Kayla. Steve says, Kayla's moms name and Josiah starts clapping his hands saying her name over and over. Kayla gets on the phone and talks with daddy for a few minutes and Josiah is all over him trying to here his sissy's voice. After their talk daddy gives Josiah the phone and he talks to sister(just thrilled) when we start to tell him to say good night to sister and that we will pick her up next Friday his voice cracked a tiny bit - but he did good.

So now we are both giving daddy a back rub in the living room. Josiah gets bored of playing with the lotion. He goes to his room. After a long while, he comes back into the living room, sits (quietly) on the far back side of the couch. I should have known when he came "quietly".

Several minutes pass and he is still silent. My hand are full of lotion and we ask him a question or two every few minutes and he answers. We think, Oh okay so he is; just playing! (wrong!)

He had some how gotten the cordless phone and was pushing buttons. Daddy says, " Josiah you better put that phone back" (right. cause all you have to do is tell a two almost 3 year old what to do & they automatically listen right?)

My hands are still full of lotion and by now Josiah is sitting on daddy's legs(with the phone)
we here him say, "huh? huh?" I tell him, "Josiah hang up that phone"(I know- I know I should have just got taken the phone from him) BUT ALL YOU PARENTS OF TODDLERS KNOW about trying to finish up a task real quick - I was almost done & hands covered in lotion!!!

So, we here those automated voice operators talking and they say "The CRICKET(a cell phone company) number you are calling has been disconnected" Josiah's eyes widen & he gets this excited look on his face and says, "Mommy I call a cricket! I call a cricket!!" Steve started laughing (into the pillow) and I say, "Josiah stop playing with the phone" (I was trying to rub out ALL the layers of lotion, Josiah had poured on daddy's back) The kid is still pushing buttons.

Now, Steve says very sternly, "Josiah you better put that phone down or your gonna get a time out little boy!"

Josiah climbs off daddy's legs and sits farther away. Now we here him say(very quietly) "huh? I can't. No!" He pushed the speaker button, because we here the automated operator say "please hang up and try your call again" Josiah looks at us wide eyed (the I'm in trouble look) I am now starting to get up and Josiah pushes a button quickly, thinking he was hanging up the phone. He did not hand up so the operator again says, "please hang up & try your call again" He crawls behind the couch and whispers desperately, "I can't - my daddy say I in trouble" (operator keeps talking - Josiah pushing and pushing buttons operator keeps talking. Josiah says, "NO! STOP TALKING ME- I can't call you later! MY DADDY GET MAD" - "LISTEN", he yells "Listen to me -NO MY DADDY GET MAD - I NO CALL YOU BACK- NO!!! NOOOOOO!" I am putting the lotion away & Steve is getting up (we are both trying HARD not let Josiah see us laughing)
When Josiah (now very frustrated with this man- who is trying to get him in trouble) sighs in exasperation "UUUuugggggGggHHH, DADDY HE NO LISTEN TO ME!!!" throws the phone onto the couch and looks at me and says, "Me no call him back mommy. Me listen." looks at Steve pick up the phone as he sits on the couch- Josiah says "daddy gonna tell him!" SO... ... Daddy puts the phone to his ear and says, "Mr! Josiah not gonna call you back! You can't talk to Josiah no more he is only 2 years old & you better not tell him to call you NO MORE"

Josiah looks (wide eyed) very serious at Steve (the - so, there my daddy told you, look!) and says "he no call me no more daddy?" (Steve trying to hold in his laugh) "He get in trouble daddy? he no tell me to call him back later?" a very quiet "no" is all I could say (trying not to bust out laughing.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Here we are having carpet time at school! He loves the messy, goopy stuff. This is the pancake mix with water before we added the purple cool-aid. Today we made & painted "thankfulness baskets" out of cut apart egg cartons. When I asked him what he was thankful for he quickly shouted out, "Lee-La! me thankful for my "Lee-La"!!!!(so sweet :~) He cried so bad when she left on Tuesday night. My heart was mostly broken for my sweet girl; I remember whenever her sister was probably around Josiah's age and we would go to their home to pick Kayla up & her little sister would cry as her Kayla got in our car & we drove off. Kayla's eyes filled with tears as she looked back til we turned the corner. Now she is going through it again with ' Si & soon she will have to go through this again for her baby brother at her mom's house. These sweet babies are still young and don't understand what is going on. She called home from her mom's to check on 'Si Tuesday night- SHE IS A SWEETHEART.

I am so grateful because Kayla's mom really seems to understand, like once when I was pregnant with Elijah, We were on our way to get Kayla but were not near her school but passed a school with a similar play equipment and Josiah started crying & crying because he thought we had passed Kayla's school - not stopping to pick up his sister. I called Kay's mom and explained what had happened & she agreed to let Kayla talk to Josiah for a minute. Once she too had to call our cell phone because her sister was crying for Kayla as well.

One thing is for sure - "OUR GIRL IS SO SWEET"! (missing her so bad - wish she was gonna be here for Sat. when we go sell at the auction)


Josiah & I had school again. It felt like forever since we last had school, because of the long weekend & Kake being home!

We are still on the autum/fall theme & of course giving thanks. Our verse for the week is 1 Thessalonians 5 :18 "In everything give thanks"

It is so funny to here him try to say thessalonians he says "fetha-a-almiamamanoiance" too funny after two tries to get him to pronounce it the right way I just said, okay then just say in everything give thanks and then he laughed again and tried saying the whole verse once more and then said , "mama I don't know it too hard".

We played with pancake mix, water & purple cool-aid mix and played patty cake singing our new give thanks song.

We don't get to bring Kayla tomorrow because it is her moms weekend. So we will miss her on our family stuff this weekend. We might go sell at the local auction and she loves to go but she has never gotten to go & sell so we will really miss her. She & my mom are partners when it comes to selling!!! I know my moms already missing her, she called & asked are we getting Kay this weekend? & when I said, "no its her moms weekend" she sounded VERY disapointed:~(

I better go for now cause its school time for my 'Si!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My Kids Weekend

Kayla busied herself all weekend long. She either played with 'Si, hung out with mom, crawled all over dad or... ... ... (I think her all time favorite) INVENTING & BUILDING A TREE SWING!
She came up with the idea one of the days while I was hanging laundry. First her & 'Si were playing ball & the next thing I know My two monkeys are swing off a tree swing.

with everything from a body of water, swinging monkeys, butterfly's, bananas & berries to a rain forest snake & tropical flowers too! :~)
not only daddy, mommy & josiah helped Kay, so did Kito-Ben!! He bought Kake the banana stickers.

Monday, November 10, 2008

16 weeks ago

It has been 16 weeks that at this very moment my little angels body was cuddled in my arms(lifeless? NO! not his soul!!!).

We have shared before about how warming and sweet The Perfect Peace Of God just envelopes us during worship, and when are precious Kakie is home with us, Steve, Josiah & I are overwhelmed with a feeling of complete wholeness.

Yesterday was one of those days. Watching her worship & sing unto her Lord & Savior standing next to me is an amazing feeling. Whether she is clapping and giggling with her bubba facing her, standing on the worship team strumming his guitar or if she is kneeling face bowed, hands raised, tears streaming down her face; We know she has a precious relationship with God!

This weekend has been a slumber party weekend at the Douglas Home. The blankets never really went to far from the living room... ... We've had a "camp out in the sala(living room)" weekend. It's been so much fun!

Yesturday we ended up not going to the cemetery for several reasons, 1. it was soggy wet from rain, 2. Kay got invited to spend the afternoon with Maddie, 3. I was feeling numb emotionally, and 4. Josiah was actually begging for a nap!!! Steve & I cuddled on the couch and watched football together all afternoon. (It was a nice treat - football with my sweetheart uninterrupted). We laughed when we were snacking & he said, "Hey this feels like when we were dating!"

My two precious blessings are cuddled closely under the covers. "KODAK MOMENT" :~)
I covered them up as I walked into the kitchen to get on the computer and my heart ached when this thought crossed my mind, "My two precious blessings" because My other
"Blessing - My 'Lijah" isn't with us.

Last night at church Kay was sitting with all the girls during dinner & worship. Usually she is the first in line for desserts after worship and last night, Steve asked me, "whats wrong with Kayla?" I looked over at her and she was just sitting there looking as if she was about to cry or like if she was sick. I asked her what was wrong and she just nodded, nothing. Steve said, "why isn't she in line for dessert with all the kids?" I waved her to come to me and as soon as she was in front of me she threw herself onto my arms and began to sob saying, "oh mommy I miss my 'Lijah" - I walked with her to a back room in our church and just held her. We comforted her and told her we loved her and we know how much she misses him! I held her for about 5-7 minutes and in those 7 minutes she expressed something to us she had never told us since 'Lijah died. She said, "I am sad but I am mad too because I only got to hold him once"

I assured her that we all felt that exact same way. We ALL feel mad & sad because he left so fast. As she held onto my neck tightly I whispered, "Baby girl do you want to know a beautiful secret? she looked at me and nodded yes tears rolling down her precious face. I said," look at mommy for a second okay" and when she looked into my eyes I told her, "do you know that no matter where you are at, in church at school at home with your mommy or at home with daddy & me "If you begin to sing worship to Jesus then you & 'Lijah are both in the presence of God, doing the exact same thing? and just like when daddy hugs & cuddles both you & 'Si it is the same with you & 'Lijah. When you are worshiping so is 'Lijah and Jesus is loving & cuddling both of you!" Her beautiful blue tear filled eyes just looked at me and she smiled and said, "okay, mommy" I said, "but we can still be sad & even mad because we didn't get to hold him that much & Jesus understands okay!" We wiped her face and she served herself dessert & hot cocoa and went upstairs for class.
*HUGE SIGH For Steve & I* (Oh we just wish we could take her pain away)

My pumpkins are still cuddled under the covers at "CAMP DOUGLAS"
Later today we are going to go out to the cemetery and Josiah asked if he could take his ball to play with 'Lijah so we might take the ball out there. We want to take a "family" picture cause Kay is home with us!!!

Dear 'Lijah:
I miss you sweet boy! Kakie & 'Si miss you too. Yesterday before church daddy was listening to your song "I'll fly away" he went and stood in front of the window, looking out side. His hands gripped the window seal and he cried silently. Daddy misses you a lot more since Moriah came home. I do too!
Today sissy & bubba want to go to the cemetery to play ball. Saturday night mommy showed them a new ball game in the tub and we were laughing & giggling with the ball bouncing all over the bathroom - I missed you at that moment so much! Daddy came into the bathroom and watched us be silly for a bit and then I noticed his eyes filled with tears and he walked out.
'Lijah, we aren't sad cause your in heaven, we know we will see you again we are all just sad for the things we have to do WITHOUT YOU!
There are so very many people who miss you - I know! I see it in Ya-Ya's face sometimes, even when she is trying to be strong. I know it- she misses having you here with Moriah, like it was supposed to be! Grandma misses you too - she bought you a card for your birthday- she wrote to you! Whenever Tio Jonathan comes over he will either look at your pictures quietly or go out to your flower garden. Nina & Nino don't say to much and they also don't come over that much but I know their hearts hurt for you too - Nino's dad went to be with Jesus just 6 weeks after we found out you were coming. Nino misses his dad just like we miss you. Yesterday at church, Tia Cindy said nothing to me about you but her hugs and her tear filled eyes looking at me as I held Moriah SAID IT ALL! Tia Cindy hurts when mommy hurts. She is Mommy's best friend.Daddy & I have to try & be brave sweet boy & we are trying everyday!!!

Sunday, November 9, 2008


TODAY, ELIJAH WOULD HAVE BEEN 4 MONTHS OLD. Not sure how we will feel today but one thing is certain;
Yesterday's day out was a wonderful time! After getting Kay some stuff at Old Navy we went to a consignment store and looked around then we came home & had sandwiches for lunch.
Josiah was very tired and fell asleep right after lunch. Daddy put in a movie for himself & Kakie & I worked on the computer gathering data for her ecosystem project.
Once she had taken notes and written important data, we turned off the computer, Daddy turned off the movie & we went out in our back yard and worked on her project with her.
She walked all over our back yard looking for various types of plants, twigs & Mommy even let her pull apart some brand new plant moss from 'Lijah's flower garden. We also used a tiny bit of a plant from ' Lijah's funeral too. Kake thought that was so special. She said, "Oh mom brother's gonna help me get a good grade on my project". We both smiled. Kake painted the inside of her box with green tempera paint and then we began to work on the tree limbs with cut up news paper that she rolled into a long tiny strips. She is making a TROPICAL RAIN FOREST.
We had so much fun. Daddy help with spray painting the stuff that needed stronger paint. & Mommy helped her with the glue gun. We were getting into the whole project mode thing with Josiah now working on "his own" Ecosystem box (copying sister of course) When suddenly without warning... ... RAIN!! We began screaming(well just mommy & Kake) the boys were laughing at us as we all ran around gathering our stuff. When Kakie says, "Well, we can't have a Tropical Rain Forest without rain!" We all laughed and ran inside.
We will work on her project again today, when Josiah takes his nap. After that Josiah & Dad went to the store while Kake & I had a great time cooking dinner together. I taught her how to make grandma's famous Spanish rice & tacos de carne asada. I stood by her the entire time but watching her cook just reminded me of how much she has grown. When we first met she was a tiny pudgy 5 year old just about to turn 6 and now my sweet girl is 10!!!
Of course Josiah threw a fit when we told him he could not stand by the stove like sister because he was too small. He cried & cried feeling so insulted that we had told our "big" boy he was too small. He just couldn't understand "why". (sweet baby boy - He will learn soon) :~)
Kakie was so proud when grandma came for dinner and Daddy & Grandma kept getting second servings of her rice. She was telling Grandma step by step how she had made the rice, ingredient by ingredient!
Well I better get going we have to get ready for church. & then we are going to the cemetery too. We are hoping to take pictures with Kakie home for this months anniversary of brothers 4 month b-day.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Our Sweet Girl IS HOME!!!!

We picked Kayla up from school yesturday & played football in the front yard as soon as we got home!!! Josiah tackled me to the ground and Daddy chased Kayla all over the yard. Josiah & Kayla were so happy to see eachother.

We also took a family trip to the library - that was fun but Josiah was trying to get all the Thomas The Train movies & was so excited to be with Kayla that we were not able to spend that much time in there. Kayla & I are still reading Heidi so we re-checked it out. but returned the movie & she picked out "how to eat fried worms" EEeeK!!!(not looking forward to watching that with her) But Steve is all proud cause she picked that movie!!! Of course Josiah got Thomas The Train.

When we got home we had sandwiches & snacks and spread out all the blankets in the living room. (OUR NEW KAYLA'S WEEKEND TRADITION) WE CAMP OUT TOGETHER IN THE LIVING ROOM!!!! We watched movies and played rumble tumble all over the living room floor and finally fell asleep :~)

Steve was laying in the middle between Kayla & Josiah. I watched them laying there cuddling and said, "Oh It's Kayla & Daddy sleeping together just like when she was a baby."
Kayla & Steve giggled and she snuggled into daddys arms so closley it was such a warming feeling.

We are all done with breakfast and getting ready to take Kayla on a girls day out!! Moriah is comming too!!!

The guys started whining about being left behind... ... ... so they are gonna tag along for a bit but we are sending them to another store when Kayla goes to Old Navy!!!

Steve & I managed to sneak into our bed at 3:00 a.m and this morning we were awaken by two wild "monkeys" jumping all over our bed.

Steve & Josiah went to the store & Kayla & I made french toast for breakfast.
B I G NEWS!!!!!
1). A 4). B+ and 1). C OUR BABY GIRL IS A 3.0 STUDENT!!!!

Friday, November 7, 2008


We had some what of a rough long emotional week. He has been so faithful to us through this. I had an anxiety/panic thing happen this week- UuugggggHhhhh!!!!

I am so grateful for His love & Perfect Peace!

TODAY we go pick up Kakie!!!

I am really glad :~)

Josiah has been missing her & asking for her all week!

*hoping to get some much needed good family fun time this weekend!!!!*

Monday, November 3, 2008


OH... If I had a camera you would all see an AMAZING SIGHT!!!!
My house is spotless!!! I was up at 5:30 this morning - I had a wonderful time of prayer & then DETAILED my house!!!

I washed & hung out ALL the laundry - It is breezy and drizzly so all four of our lines were completely full!! It took all day for it to dry because of the weather.

I cleaned my room, living room, dining room, KITCHEN(that's remarkable) ALL IN ONE DAY!! that's not all

Josiah & I walked to the store at noon. I got stuff for dinner and I made embueltos (mom, jonathan, tony & yaya & moriah came for dinner) AND I made a mexican gizo pronounced
- g ee so (g like in grass) the gizo was for Ben & Minn's family. On Monday's she spends the night with her mother in law. SO I want to start cooking for her on Monday's so it is easier for them before she goes to Thomasita's.

WOW!! a clean house all in one day & 2 dinners!!!! too bad I ran out of energy & didn't get all the clothes folded & put away... oh well but even after a full house for dinner & dessert MY KITCHEN IS IMMACULATE!!
so proud of myself :~)
My bed even has fresh clean crisp bedding too!! So do the kids beds :~)

My two handsome guys are fast asleep on the couch - a kodak moment

I think I'm gonna turn in early :~)