Birthday Celebrations

Josiah attended 2 very exciting birthday party's this summer. Since those parties he has been asking when we are going to make him a birthday party. We told him we were going to try to make him a birthday party. Steve & I have been thinking of making his birthday party on December 5th, because we have always had bad weather and almost everyone is out of town on December 27th.


I began making a birthday guest list. We can't afford to have a party at a kids restaurant or a kids party place so we are praying for 'decent' bearable weather :)

I was doing fine! I am the party planner in my family so I was starting to look around at dollar tree for any BOB the Builder stuff, haven't found any yet but I will keep looking.

Moriah is turning one at the end of this month, and I have been bugging my sister to tell me a theme so I could make the invitations and get things rolling.... ..... well, yesturday she finally gave me the details I was wanting.

I was making Moriah's invitations when IT hit me like a ton of bricks - My ONE year old didn't have a big celebration (not here any ways).

We (his parents) went to the cemetery, blew bubbles, sang happy birthday ... ... ... BUT IT WAS NO HUGE HAPPY OCCASION; it was very emotional & we are happy that he is in heaven BUT I miss my little son!!!

Yesturday was one of Lijah's worship Partner's Birthday's and I couldn't get her momma out of my heart.

Her Zoe Beth turned 2years old yesturday. So for my friend Lyndsay that means 2 years that she has had to live here on earth with a heart string tugging heaven bound.

So the other night Steve & I were walkig through K-mart and I noticed myself looking toward the 'baby' stuff. We were walking towards the pull ups for Siah and on one side was the cute baby items like car seats, strollers, swings & diaper bags and on the other side was 12 - 18 months "BOYS" pajamas... I felt like I wanted to scream, like I wanted to cry, I was angry, I was sad - I just about could feel Lijah in my arms 1 year ago but now all I had was this HUGE EMPTY heartache. I didn't get to plan his 1st birthday and I didn't get to purchase him any 'BIG' boy jammies.

I said nothing. ALL this was going on inside of me while Steve & Si carried on about random stuff. As we continued walking towards the pull ups Siah said, "Oh look mommy - one for me one for Lijah" pointing to a package of Bob the builder sippy cups. I smiled at him and couldn't say any thing we just kept walking.

I was glad to be out of that store, when we were done.

It was just so wierd how on one side of the isle I was looking happliy & hopeful to what we are expecting in May and in the same moment I was broken by what we were missing & had lost.