Wednesday, December 31, 2008


It is 5:06 p.m. on the eve of a brand new year. I cherish all that has been given to me; especially WHO we were blessed with in 2008. I feel that Steve and I have been through a threshing process this past year. Through this we have had to learn to separate our selves from insurmountable pain and loss in order to see the beauty of Life, Hope, & Faith. We have been overwhelmed beyond what words could ever express; in both, joy and sorrow.

I believe with all confidence & assurance that God has a plan which will continue to unfold in our lives. Our painful journey is by no means over; I just feel that we are at a threshold. Some day soon ( i hope) we will begin to see the beauty of this tapestry begin to unfold before our eyes.

It is with a desperate courage that we cling to Christ and the Comfort of His Holy Spirit as we walk out this door tonight and run to the altar at church; to Thank our Lord for the precious, treasure of our son:
Elijah Nathaniel Douglas.

It is a long family /church tradition to be at church praying in the new year.
Tears streaming down my face as I write & my husband( I am sure) out in the cold misty fog, digging deep into Elijah's garden seeking strength & courage.

I do not know if I will be able to utter the words "HAPPY NEW YEAR"; because you see, I wish I could stay in 2008 forever. It scares me to think of moving forward. Of time not standing still.

Some one told me just the other day, "OH THANK GOD - 2008 is almost over"

I don't see it that way. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would. I would go back to being pregnant of Elijah, I would then go to the very moment I laid eyes on him for the very first time. Not hearing a single whimper. Then I would take a very long pause on the evening of his celebration service, and another at the grave side as his tiny white satin casket was lowered into the earth and I could hear my pastor singing, 'Blessed be your name - you give & take away'

Since I do not hold the keys of time I have no choice but to keep on walking in these shoes, which I was presented with on the evening of February 13th, 2008; When we knew Elijah's life mission would be different than that of other baby's floating in their mommy's tummy.

Tonight once again, Steve & I CHOOSE to BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD. Together with Christ as the center of our lives we will cross this threshold and trust HE will be our All In All.

His word promises that He goes before us and that he is our rear guard.

On JULY 9th, 2008 The Douglas Family, family of 5 was all together breathing the same air clinging to LOVE.
for 25 and 1/2 hours Steve & I had our three children all in the same room. I cherish that picture

Threshing & Threshold... these are the words that keep running through my mind & heart for the past few days.
I have six more hours to be in 2008 and then I will have no choice but to be in 2009