Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I believe with all confidence & assurance that God has a plan which will continue to unfold in our lives. Our painful journey is by no means over; I just feel that we are at a threshold. Some day soon ( i hope) we will begin to see the beauty of this tapestry begin to unfold before our eyes.
It is with a desperate courage that we cling to Christ and the Comfort of His Holy Spirit as we walk out this door tonight and run to the altar at church; to Thank our Lord for the precious, treasure of our son:
Elijah Nathaniel Douglas.
It is a long family /church tradition to be at church praying in the new year.
Tears streaming down my face as I write & my husband( I am sure) out in the cold misty fog, digging deep into Elijah's garden seeking strength & courage.
I do not know if I will be able to utter the words "HAPPY NEW YEAR"; because you see, I wish I could stay in 2008 forever. It scares me to think of moving forward. Of time not standing still.
Some one told me just the other day, "OH THANK GOD - 2008 is almost over"
I don't see it that way. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would. I would go back to being pregnant of Elijah, I would then go to the very moment I laid eyes on him for the very first time. Not hearing a single whimper. Then I would take a very long pause on the evening of his celebration service, and another at the grave side as his tiny white satin casket was lowered into the earth and I could hear my pastor singing, 'Blessed be your name - you give & take away'
Since I do not hold the keys of time I have no choice but to keep on walking in these shoes, which I was presented with on the evening of February 13th, 2008; When we knew Elijah's life mission would be different than that of other baby's floating in their mommy's tummy.
Tonight once again, Steve & I CHOOSE to BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD. Together with Christ as the center of our lives we will cross this threshold and trust HE will be our All In All.
His word promises that He goes before us and that he is our rear guard.
NEVER LOSING SIGHT OF WHAT IS TO COME; WHILE WE CHERISH WHAT ONCE WAS.
On JULY 9th, 2008 The Douglas Family, family of 5 was all together breathing the same air clinging to LOVE.
for 25 and 1/2 hours Steve & I had our three children all in the same room. I cherish that picture
Threshing & Threshold... these are the words that keep running through my mind & heart for the past few days.
I have six more hours to be in 2008 and then I will have no choice but to be in 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
We picked K up at 9:30 in the morning we got back home at 10:00 and the kids walked in to see a Christmas tree full of presents!! A TRUE BLESSING!!!!
(I will try-again to post some WONDERFUL PICS OF OUR DAY later tonight)
BUT FOR NOW I NEED TO SHARE MY HEART...
My heart & Steve's too, I am sure is just so happy and sad at the very same time. Seems like for the past year we have been going through this sort of bitter sweet roller coaster of emotions.
[We are pretty tired, emotionally]
Tomorrow is December 27th, 2008. It is a BIG day for all of us. Josiah will be turning 3!!!! so as the evening rolled in. Steve & I both became very sensative. After a few hours of intense emotions, We both realized what we were facing...
Josiah's birthday is A WONDERFULL & EXCITING TIME for all of us! HE was born premature. Weighed a mere 4 lbs. and measured only 17 inches long. We are so greatful for these three amazing years we have had with our son & I guess that is why tonight we can not help but think and ask, "WHY? IF ONLY!!" Josiah too had to overcome numerous struggles. We had to take him from my house to Valley Childrens Hospital on his 4th day of life becasue we discovered he was suffering from a very rare & undiagnosable seizure disorder. His first year and a half of life we spent a great number of days & even weeks at a time in the hospital.
God saw fit to heal him even after we recieved the diagnoses stating he had mild CP. I remember how sad we were & now that I know a deeper sadness I just only wish my 'Lijah could have stayed.
See as we celebrate the life of our first born. [HE IS SO VERY EXCITED ABOUT HIS BIRFDAY] he is singing songs about birfdays and telling us how he thinks his birfday will be tomorrow. He has been telling EVERY PERSON who calls our house, "TOMORROW IS MY BIRFDAY, TOMORROW I FREE(the F is how he pronounces all his th sounds) WE see what we WILL NEVER HAVE WITH 'LIJAH!!!
God chose to NOT heal his brain. AND I HAVE TO BE CONTENT. becasue even if I weren't, I would only bring upon my heart deeper sorrow which would produce bitterness. SO I HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD FOR EVERY GOOD & PERFECT GIFT!! BECAUSE EVERYTHING HE DOES IS EXCELLENT & PRAISE WORTHY!!! (i may not see it very clear from time to time - but the TRUTH of eternity ALWAYS SHINES THROUGH)
Tonight though... ... the view is a bit clouded!!!
BUT MY HEART IS SO JOYFUL TO HAVE 'Siah climbing all over me!!! Excited about his birfday!!! During this Christmas season he has mastered the art of seeing an add in the paper and then asking, I WANT IT!!!!! HE doesn't throw a fit - HE must still just think asking for it is all you do. because after he tells us what he wants then he will turn the paper and show us another toy!!!
He is so adorable!!!! A TRUE JOY TO MY LIFE!! HE MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN I AM SAD!!!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thinking of all the precious families who are celebrating Christmas with an Angel beyond the skies!
~Isaac & Asher~
YOUR FAMILIES ARE IN OUR PRAYERS!!!
Steve & I are having a very difficult Christmas but our hearts are truley confident in ALL HE HAS DONE AND ALL HE WILL DO!
May each of us who are celebrating The Birth of Our Savior; with an ache so deep in our heart and empty arms BE Comforted byt he BEAUTY & TRUTH OF THIS CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!
A very special prayer for Noah Gabriel Wall's mommy, daddy, grandma's & grandpa's & auntie Vikki
Thinking of you (they are on my side bar & Noah just went to heaven about 1 1/2 weeks ago (approx) please keep them in your prayers
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
OUR WINNERS ARE
1st place - Becky for your triplet girls!!!!!
2nd place - 2jne for your little 8 month old Emma!!!
3rd place - Auntrene for your 2 nieces!!!!
'Siah's pick was OCEANA so she tied for third place along with Auntrene's 2 nieces
THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING :)
It was fun for us to see who we will be able to send a little token of love to!!
LADIES CAN YOU PLEASE E-MAIL ME @ email@example.com to get your address PLEASE!!
I also want to let you pick the bows so PLEASE E-mail me a.s.a.p!!!! I will send you the details of when I will put these tokens in the mail box okay :)
Monday, December 22, 2008
This is the ornament that was hanging on my tree which I put on my coat yesturday. It is a funny thing whenever people react in diferent ways and how sometimes they don't know what to say.
Phillipains 4:7-8 says to think on these things; things which are true, lovely, have virtue, praiseworhty and are of good report!!
ELIJAH was & IS AL THESE THINGS!! HIS life in my belly and his 25 hours and thrty minutes of breathing he did while in our arms IS JUST THAT ; EXCELLENT & TRUE, LOVELY, VIRTUOUS AND OF GOOD REPORT!!!!
I WISH PEOPLE IN MY CHURCH WERE BLOGGERS; so I wouldn't have to try to explain things and so they would JUST KNOW & NOT ACT OR SAY WHAT THEY DO sometimes. ( maybe they are anonymously) l.o.l
SO I walk into church and one of the very first people to greet us just stared at my 'lijah's picture as if I had walked in to church carrying a corps [no i am not exagerating] then I of course left my coat on for a while - not because it was cold but because I wanted EVERY ONE to see my 'lijah's picture!! [i don't think there was anything wrong with that] once I took off my coat I placed his picture on the center piece of our table.
as everyone was visiting eachothers tables[SOME] people would gasp when the saw his picture. One lady [very dear to my heart] even said, Oh! Oh! oh dear awww! and she was all panicky and she walked away from me as I was telling her how I had added wings to the ornament & I was trying to tell her that I put a newborn picture of K & J in one ornament too so all three of our childrens 'birthday' picture is hanging onour tree"
Since she walked away I guess I will tell you :)~!!!
Later on in the day I was approached by some one who said, " OH MARIE YOU JUST NEED HEALING" okay so maybe I am just very vulnerable and emotionally raw right now BUT That commetn really bugged me heres why! I am not mourning Elijah cause I don't know where he is at, or because I think I will never see him again. I AM JUST A MOM missing her beautiful boy, thats all!!! is it really inproper for me to carry his picture? NOW if I had walked in with a baby casket yeah maybe I could see poeple gasping or walking away from me! I was not carrying around leopracy! OKAY CALM DOWN GIRL!!! :)
On the other hand there were some people who were very sweet.
NOW TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS from emails I got last night and this morning. Sorry I can't get to reply to all of you who send private emails. I DO ENJOY THEM!!!! but I jsut cant reply to every ones questions one at a time :)
1 - Kayla was reading a poem with my niece Maddie.
Kayla has a BEAUTIFUL VOICE she can sing very well. She is a wonderful reader too!! She wants Pastor to teach her to play the guitar & the piano but he only does guitar & drums. we need to get her a keyboard first and then see about putting her in lessons somewhere.
2- My coat was a christmas gift from Steve 2 christmases ago- we were at a thrift store & I fell in love with it! HE bought it for me for the whopping price of $5.oo bucks
3- Josiah does play on the worship team. He is very musically inclined. we think he will also be a drummer. he has been given drum sticks by two different band drummers because they see him moving his wrists as if he has sticks in them and is playing. HE uses a guitar pic to play - NO HE DOES NOT REALLY know what he is doing as far as notes YET!
He enjoys attending practice but I think he is still too young to PUSH HIM TO do the whoel hur or so of practice. NO we have not put him in lessons yet. He loves to sing as well. No we do not MAKE HIM PRACTICE. it just comes natural. HE just enjoys playing instruments and we foster that passion he has. He is not in sports because we do not have the money right now but later yes we want him to play. He throws the foot ball very far and is a good catcher.
4 - Our church Pastor is not hispanic he is acctualy polynesian and some of the worship team is american indian. Our little church is very diverse.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Also my sweet princess would like YOU ALL to NOTICE her & her brother are 'matching'
If it were up to her, she would have us matching like this all the time [seriously] we have to try to get her dressed before we step out or else she will stay in the room longer; trying hard to find 'something that matches' all of us
SO TODAY SHE WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN PLEASED; SHE WAS ECSTATIC
Mommy & Daddy worked hard on that pressing & shining
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Kayla & Logan trying out their swingOf Course Josiah's ALL time Favorite Pass Time (worship)
Logan swinging & yelling like tarzan
After this we ate tacos then me & the kids ran to church for practice. 'Si stayed home with Steve. His class already had practice on Wednesday!
After Practice we got back Mom, Beth, Tony & the kids left.
WE REALLY DO WANT TO GIVE AWAY SOME BOWS, IN FACT WE ARE SENDING A COUPLE OUT TO SOME FRIENDS ALREADY BUT STILL WANT TO SEE WHO ELSE WE CAN SEND SOME TO!!!
NEW RULES FOR GIVE- A-WAY:
just post a comment telling us about your special 'fancy little girly girls' and get as many people to post a comment or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org nominating your 'special some one' then on the 23rd at 7:00 p.m. we will pick the three winners!!!
so hurry & get those names in!!
*********We hope this makes it much easier!!!!*****
Oh & again sorry Becky cause you were the only one who took your time to do the scavenger hunt (we had not considered how time consuming this would actually would be) SORRY :) & YES, I do sell them. Email me at email@example.com and we can correspond that way as far as me sending you the exact pictures of bows and pricing. (We just want to keep this blog about our lives since 'Lijah came into our hearts) I hope you all understand :)
Yes, there are different prices they range between $1.oo - $5.oo.
I had actually not thought about making a BOW BLOG but that is a great idea!!
AGAIN WE BOTH APPRECIATE ALL THE EMAILS with ideas and honest opinions :~)
OUR INTENT WAS JUST TO HAVE A WAY TO GIVE SOMETHING & HAVE FUN DOING IT :)
Friday, December 19, 2008
talk about heart wrenching. We went to the store and they picked out toys. Kakie, of course knew what this was all about & she is SO giving so she was really enjoying it - Josiah was enjoying picking the toy but everytimne we reminded him it was for 'that special little boy' he would stare at the toiy hug it and then keep on looking. At one point he said, "Oh mommy I like this one!!" Steve reminded him again, "remember it is not your toy".
He said," I know daddy -but he want to be my friend & we play together peacause I like to play for the toy with the little boy & share my tree too".
#1) Find a Person that YOU know who's name is Marie or Steve
you post a comment with that persons name & home town, if they post a comment & mention YOUR name you have just entered twice :~)
#2) My Dream places to visit - Italy to ride the gondolas & in USA, Maine because I have read so much about those beautiful light houses.
you post a comment if YOU have ever lived (or visited) there or know some one who has/does if they post a comment &mention your name you have entered twice(use last name or city/town name to differentiate you from others with common names)
#3) Tell us about the deserving 'fancy girl' who will wear these bows if you post a link for us to see her you entered twice
#4) THE LAST ONE...have as many people as you can post a comment on our blog telling us why YOUR 'fancy' girl' should win the set of 3 head bands/clips and four interchangeable bows
we will select the top three to have the most comments meeting the criteria above :~)
~good luck & have fun~
START NOW till the 23rd [MY TIME] @ 7:00a.m we will announce the TOP 3 winners @ 7 :00 p.m on the same day!!!
I am not exactly sure how I want to do the give a way but I want to make it fun! Steve & I were talking about different ways of making it fun - DO any of you have any ideas???