Friday, October 30, 2009

SHINING BRIGHT!!! Pumpkin Gospel

THESE ARE THE FINISHED PRODUCT


For Some reason these pictures loaded backwards and I'm so tired I dont have the energy to sit here and put them in order :)


He was curious about shapes

MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL!!! She's trying out her make up for tomorrow
Daddy & kids carving
WOOO HOOO Check it out !! We got the tops off

This stuff is gooey said Kayla & Si says yeah its so goofy

Look @ mine mom!


We started out the evening by reading a wonderful story book called THE PUMPKIN GOSPEL. I purchased at Berean's Bible Store last year after christmas. I paid a whole .75 cents for this WONDERFUL book.
It talks about how we are similar to the pumpkin; full of 'mess up's or sins' but when Jesus comes into our heart he cleans us up takes away all our messyness then puts his light in us for all to see.
WE HAD A WONDERFUL EVENING!!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

we are getting closer to our appointment date.... I gotta admit I AM VERY SCARED!
I know that statistics say the chances of another 'cele' baby are almost none and I am thankful for that but then there is my age factor and the higher chances of having a baby with Trisomy something or other (they are almost all lethal) and that's what we are very afraid of.... another funeral.

And please, no comments like "God would never do that" PLEASE,,,
WE HAVE BECOME FRIENDS WITH A VERY DEAR FAMILY THAT HAVE 2 PRECIOUS BABY BOYS IN HEAVEN

I am so afraid. I am afraid of how I would just totally lose it or fall apart

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Dr. Today

We had to make a 'special' trip to see the OB today. I was having some scary symptoms, which started on Sunday as soon as we got home from church. Steve put me on BED REST (ick) :)

Siah had to go with us because the timing on the appointment would not let us get Si from school on time.

I wasn't expecting them to do an ultrasound (again) but She wanted to make EXTRA SURE our little 'THUMBKIN' was okay.

Steve was holding Si behind that corner curtain and just as Thumbkin apeard on the screen Dr. V looks over behind the curtain and says, "COME LOOK" and Steve gets up and walks over to the other side of me and Siah is in his arms and Dr. V looks at Si and says, "see your little sister or brother is dancing the macarena".........
(we hadnt exactky told Si... what we HAD told him was that we were praying for mommy's tummy to be okay and maybe Jesus would put a baby in my tummy is all we had told him)

I looked at him and his eyes were wide and he smiled huge and said,
Si: Mommy, Jesus did it, he did put a baby in your tummy Dr. finded the tiny baby!!
Steve, Smiling huge at our dancing baby :) YUP!
Me: Yes! baby boy Jesus put a baby in my tummy
Si: Uhu!!! I knew He would do that for me!!! (HUGE, GINORMOUS SMILE)
Dr V: Oh WOW you prayed for God to put that baby in there?
Si: YUP, IT WAS ME!!!!
Dr V: Oh okay well now you can pray for God to bring me a million dollars (laughing)
Si: Uh ... Mmm NO! (very serious)

That was too funny, SO NOW WE DONT HAVE TO WONDER HOW or WHEN WE WILL TELL HIM ABOUT 'new baby'

So on our way home Si starts making a mental list of ALL the things 'thumbkin' will neee andWE DONT have like : baby crib, baby clothes and of course A MONIE!!! LOL!!!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Evaluating My Life...

So who am I, Who was I, Who am I supposed to be? These are just a few questions that keep running in my mind.
WHO AM I? I am a fighter. I do not give up, give in or quit.
WHO WAS I? I was a lonely single woman who had nothing of great emotional value or life's real worth, so I buried myself in my career because by that I measured my success.
DO I REALLY WANT TO TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME? No, absolutely not! WHAT AM I SERIOUS?!?!?! why did I ever let that thought cross my mind.
WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? I am supposed to be the wife and mother GOD set me out to be the day I met my wonderful husband and my daughter.
I am supposed to walk in confidence that HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN ME WILL BE FAITHFUL TO COMPLETE IT. I am supposed to set my eyes on that High calling in Jesus Christ; a life of love, faith , hope everlasting a life of forgiveness and mercy, a life of complete surrender to His will knowing that if I seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness He will Add all that I have need of.
I am supposed to be confident in HIS plan for my life and the lives of my children and direction for my marriage.
I am supposed to believe HIS REPORT!
I am supposed to think on things that are lovely, virtuous and praise worthy.
I am supposed to BELIEVE THAT I AM MORE THAN A CONQUERER IN CHRIST JESUS and that I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH!
I am supposed to walk as a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD a peculiar people set apart.

ENOUGH, IS ENOUGH I KNOW WHO GOD INTENDS FOR ME TO BE SO WHY DO I CONTINUE TO ALLOW MY DAILY CIRCUMSTANCES TO DICTATE AND ROB ME OF THE BLESSINGS I SHOULD BE RECIEVING THROUGH WALKING IN OBEDIENCE OF THE CALL TO MINISTRY IN MY LIFE!!

I need to stand up under these trials knowing that GOD has called me to minister life to a people who need him! Enough allowing the enemy to intimidate me!!! Come what may, MY LIFE IS TO HONOR HIM IN EVERYTHING!

We have been given much, We know that Elijah came to our lives for a very specific reason and we have recently lost sight of that. I must live in the fullness of THAT CALLING AND STOP allowing fear and finances or economy or people to paralyze my thought process.

Josiah has been blessed with the love and talent of playing instruments and We as his parents need to encourage that.

THAT IS WHO I AM!!!! a prayer warrior, a believer, and intercessor, a compassionate friend, A Godly Wife and Mother. I have been given the wonderful privelege of being a step mom which feels more like a real mom!
THATS ME!!!!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Unexpected Waves ...the pain that surges

It was 8:15 p.m. Siah was very tired and snuggling in bed. It has since been a little over 2 hours and my sweet boy is now starting to give in to sleepy eyes. He had been in bed for a short 15 minutes when I heard a very high pitched screamy cry. I ran to his room and as Steve came in right after me he turned on the light. Siah's eyes were filled with tears spilling down his precious little face. I hugged him and he pushed away and said, "we need to take Lijah something, I miss my Lijah baby" he held his throat with one hand and grunted, Oh mommy I dont know what to do? I am angry! Why Lijah had to go? How he will know I love him daddy?" then he breathed like a deep gasp then yelled, AaAAaaHHHHh! then he quickly covered his opened mouth and said, "what do I do? what do we do now daddy" I miss my Lijah baby!!!", "how do we give Lijah his monie, mommy?" [THE ENTIRE DIALOGUE WAS IN SOBS & TEARS]

(I have no idea how I managed to stay strong through this.... I did shed a very few silent tears though)

Steve went into our room and brought out Lijah's photo book and Lijah's memory box with his special hospital bracelets, a whisp of his hair, his shampoo and his monie.

We spent the whole 2 hours looking at pictures SIAH CRIED MORE!! and as he turned the pages of the photo book he asked, "WHY THEY DONT TELL ME MOMMY?" i had no clue exactly what he was referring to as we kept looking at pictures which start from July 9th for the 25 & a half hours all the way to the Funeral July 16th he was pointing at pictures and mentioning people who went to see "Lijah's cemetery"
then he asked if Daniel (singer @ church) went to see Lijah and I said um remember Daniel sang for Lijah and he nodded & answered a teary, "Daniel sang All creation I sing you are my everything and I will door you, holy holy holy is Lord God and mighty (The revelation song by hillsong??) then he almost named every one in church and as he asked if they knew his Lijah I pointed all the people out in the photo book.

After what seemed like FOREVER he agreed to let me tie up the bow on Lijah's memory box. Then we read the story that Kealoha read for us @ the funeral MOMMY PLEASE DONT CRY then we talked about heaven and then we read the book we were given by ANGEL BABIES - WE HAD An ANGEL INSTEAD.

Then he cried some more and insisted that Tia Berba "minn" should NOT have taken him away from YA-YA by Lijahs white crib. I tried to explain that Berba was loving him and holding him and I showed him the picture that Berba DID NOT take him away but that Berba held him to give Lijah a kiss. He began to cry even louder and said, "MOM BUT I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE" I DONT WANT LIJAH TO BE DIED, I LIKE HEAVEN BUT I WANT TO BE WITH MY LIJAH, MOM" and mom we should bring Lijah down but God dont let me to bring him and I dont hear the trumpet mom!"

I finally managed to get him to close the photo book and the story books but I could NOT CONVINCE HIM TO LET ME PUT LIJAH'S MONIE back in the memory box.

he asked me if he could please sleep with Lijah's monie, "please mommy I promise I will take care very good for Lijah's monie please"

So my sweet boy is sleeping with Lijah's monie, his black "rock"(electric) guitar he played at Lijah's funeral services and the Heaven story book.

But he would not fall asleep before calling, "MY YAY"(beth) on the phone to tell her how much he misses his Lijah real bad.....
* thanks Yay, & sorry u had to hear that so unexpectedly* LOVE U THOUGH!!!
THAT WAS I THINK BY FAR THE HARDEST THING I HAVE GONE THROUGH SINCE Lijah died. I mean back then we were very aware and expected to "feel" all that but today, today was a random day and aside from Si & I being feverish & chilled we were having a very good day!

I know I have been asked by some, "DO YOU THINK YOU OVER EXPOSED HIM AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE?" those people who ask that question obviously DO NOT KNOW HOW BRIGHT & VERY AWARE OF things Siah is. there really would have been no way to keep such a real part of our lives from him.

I have also been told that he picks up on the grief from US because WE HAVENT let[ it] go.... to those people I say obviously YOU have never lived 1 day in our shoes we do not press grief onto Si or K but it is a very real part of their lives just as well. We try to not let our children see us cry in excess but the tears are a real emotion we have.

Tonight was totally unexpected.

*HUGE SIGH*
I just wanna say a special thank you to all of you who have surounded us with love & prayers it has been such a trying year and a half. TO EVERY ONE IN OUR CHURCH WHO SURROUNDED US, TO YVONNE & THE ENTIRE HERNANDEZ FAMILY SIS ROSE for the food & Bro. Tony for the video & Motorcade service, Tina& Raquel Sorrondo, Samantha for singing, for Frank & Doug who stepped in and stood as pal bearers for Steve! Jimmy sor singing, Cassia for reading what I wrote, Allen for the beautiful plant that still blooms sitting on our front porch,ALL OF YOU I KNOW I should'nt have started mentioning names because so many of you made his life his memorial service SO PRECIOUS.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

HYSTERIA - HILLARIOUSLY

HILLARIOUS!!!!!!! Siah just put on his gloves to go out & play in the dirt..... I was buttoning up his sweatshirt & he SCREAMS @ the top of his lungs "AHHHH MY FINGER FELL OFF" & begins to cry hysterically as he jumps around like... he has ants in his pants. I grab his hand (while laughing) and fix the glove & the 'missing' finger!!

Instantly he stops screaming and smiles as he wipes his dirty face (blushing) ;) and walks out to the back porch.

* I STILL CANT STOP LAUGHING!*