Just got back from bible study.... .... Can't go to bed with out blogging this hilarious little story!!!
i hope you can appreciate the humor and not find it offensive -
church is dismissed and Josiah runs out of class and jumps straight into daddy's arms. They walk straight to the punch container to "need a drink", Josiah says. I'm standing there and Teacher Stacie pulls me close to her and asks (politely), "did you teach Josiah about labor?" "No", I said. and she whisperers trying to keep a straight face as she tells me, "oh because we were all playing ball in class and all of the sudden Josiah darts across the room and says ' I no feel good, I sick, non feel good' Stacie says I asked him whats wrong Josiah as he hops into the bouncer that's in the nursery and says, "my water broke!" Stacie asked him your what? and he said my water broke"
Stacie said she had to do all she could not to bust out laughing!!!
DID I MENTION THIS 2 YEAR OLD BOY WASN'T EVEN AT HOME WHEN MY WATER BROKE?!?!?!? him & Kayla were at Ben & Minn's for dinner (my family had decided that since it was so close to my due date they would give Steve & I an evening alone before Elijah was born and that is when my water broke. SO of course I called my sisters house to tell them it was "time" and they said they all started running around saying Marie's water broke, Marie's water broke!")
So even if he wasn't there with me to see it happen he heard of it and played it out!!!!! way too funny!!
Kinda embarrassing too!!!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
One Foot In Front Of The Other
That is how we get through a day... IF it is a good day taking these steps is easy if it is a hard day then putting one foot in front of the other is all we can do to do what we do. It was so nice to here from Susie the other day :) I do get weird thoughts!!! I have a lot of panic and anxiety attacks. The anxiety is just awful! I have noticed I'm not as raging mad these days - It feels so good for the presence and peace of the Almighty God to be OUR SOURCE AND STRENGTH. Most of all it is good to feel His unwavering love and mercy - through it all!
I think I have mentioned before "I'M DESPERATELY looking for a job again!!!! PLEASE PUT THAT ON YOUR LIST OF THINGS TO PRAY FOR ME FOR OKAY!!! appreciate it and know God is able!!!
Josiah is napping right now. He is such a big boy!! he gets home from christian preschool and goes straight to his room and puts up his "piderman backpack" then walks into the bathroom and goes "peeps" (pee) like a big boy standing in front of the toilet TOO CUTE!! then he comes and sits on the couch or at the table and says"lets talk about it momma" I will say "okay, baby how was your day?" and usually his face is full of whatever they served at school as he looks at me and says, "I had a good day for being a big boy momma, I'm big like daddy!!"
Steve has been dealing with a bad case of insomnia (please pray). he hasn't been able to sleep for about 4-5 days. My mom is worried about him. Me too! I woke up at 3 this morning and found him writing in his journal, when he saw that I was awake he asked if I wanted to read what he was writing - It was about Elijah. About his thoughts that he was having the morning of Elijah's burial. He wrote about thoughts he had never shared with me... of how as he looked at Elijah in the white "special crib"(that's what we told Josiah it was called). His thought and feelings of how he would never see Elijah running or giggling. He wrote so many things he hadn't even expressed to me. He is really dealing with all the emotions now.
Right now Steve outside in our back yard. Working in Elijah's Memorial Garden. I'm gonna have to post some pictures of the beautiful bench my brother in law Ben made. He carved Elijah's name in it along with Elijah's verse for his head stone. Psalms 16:11. Ben is Elijah's nino (godparents) and my sister minerva is his nina! Last night Minerva told me that Maddie(her 10yr old) is having a hard time dealing with Elijah's death.... ...
Makes me worry for Kayla - If Maddie is dealing with this imagine Kayla & she isn't always here. I am so worried for her emotional well being - The week after we buried Elijah she left to her moms for two weeks when she came back the first thing she told Steve & I was that her mom told her she was not to ask questions about Elijah, talk about him, or ever even mention his name ever. She told us she was so angry that she started crying and yelling at her mom & the boyfriend and that she wanted to get out of the car so very bad! poor sweet girl. All we can do is pray!!!
Josiah is up from his nap now and outside working in "Lijah's fower garden" with daddy.
I am definitely going to post some of Elijah's "smart-boy" pictures. Except during the move our CD ROM got jammed shut and I cant open it so I'm gonna go to office max to transfer all his pictures from the CD to my flash drive. I will be posting them in the next day or so.
Until next time The Douglas family continues onward one step at a time!
REMEMBER TO KEEP MY JOB IN PRAYER!!!!
I think I have mentioned before "I'M DESPERATELY looking for a job again!!!! PLEASE PUT THAT ON YOUR LIST OF THINGS TO PRAY FOR ME FOR OKAY!!! appreciate it and know God is able!!!
Josiah is napping right now. He is such a big boy!! he gets home from christian preschool and goes straight to his room and puts up his "piderman backpack" then walks into the bathroom and goes "peeps" (pee) like a big boy standing in front of the toilet TOO CUTE!! then he comes and sits on the couch or at the table and says"lets talk about it momma" I will say "okay, baby how was your day?" and usually his face is full of whatever they served at school as he looks at me and says, "I had a good day for being a big boy momma, I'm big like daddy!!"
Steve has been dealing with a bad case of insomnia (please pray). he hasn't been able to sleep for about 4-5 days. My mom is worried about him. Me too! I woke up at 3 this morning and found him writing in his journal, when he saw that I was awake he asked if I wanted to read what he was writing - It was about Elijah. About his thoughts that he was having the morning of Elijah's burial. He wrote about thoughts he had never shared with me... of how as he looked at Elijah in the white "special crib"(that's what we told Josiah it was called). His thought and feelings of how he would never see Elijah running or giggling. He wrote so many things he hadn't even expressed to me. He is really dealing with all the emotions now.
Right now Steve outside in our back yard. Working in Elijah's Memorial Garden. I'm gonna have to post some pictures of the beautiful bench my brother in law Ben made. He carved Elijah's name in it along with Elijah's verse for his head stone. Psalms 16:11. Ben is Elijah's nino (godparents) and my sister minerva is his nina! Last night Minerva told me that Maddie(her 10yr old) is having a hard time dealing with Elijah's death.... ...
Makes me worry for Kayla - If Maddie is dealing with this imagine Kayla & she isn't always here. I am so worried for her emotional well being - The week after we buried Elijah she left to her moms for two weeks when she came back the first thing she told Steve & I was that her mom told her she was not to ask questions about Elijah, talk about him, or ever even mention his name ever. She told us she was so angry that she started crying and yelling at her mom & the boyfriend and that she wanted to get out of the car so very bad! poor sweet girl. All we can do is pray!!!
Josiah is up from his nap now and outside working in "Lijah's fower garden" with daddy.
I am definitely going to post some of Elijah's "smart-boy" pictures. Except during the move our CD ROM got jammed shut and I cant open it so I'm gonna go to office max to transfer all his pictures from the CD to my flash drive. I will be posting them in the next day or so.
Until next time The Douglas family continues onward one step at a time!
REMEMBER TO KEEP MY JOB IN PRAYER!!!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thanks & why am i so mad?????
Just gotta say thanks from the very depths of my heart! I have had so many great responses, which have encouraged me and enabled me to take a deep breath and in the moments that seem so heavily painful;that I can barely breath... I have managed to breath in a breath of fresh encouragement. I don't know how all this grief stuff works but I have already figured that there is no rhyme or reason to it. It doesn't have any particular order or way of happening. SO THAT, scares me something fierce - Like this anger I have been feeling... Whooah! boy was this so unexpected to me. I mean I keep telling myself, "Marie, YOU believe in GOD and YOU trust that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. YOU KNOW GOD HAS A REASON AND A PURPOSE FOR THIS". I tell my self that more than a million times a day! But it just doesn't take away the anger that I feel at this moment. The anger of not having my precious 8 week old baby boy! I AM MAD! I'm mad because 25 hours and 30 minutes was not enough time I wanted to bring him home! I know that this must sound so selfish to those of you Mommy's who didn't even get that and I'm so sorry for your heart break too! I'm just saying I feel like this is so unfair. I TOLD GOD TOO!!! I told Him last month. I told Him that my heart hurt so bad and that I didn't think it was fair to not have even let me bring my baby home, not even let me change his diaper. So many things I didn't get to do, like hold him in my right senses not heavily sedated by all the meds from the c-section. I guess I've never shared how stupid I was when Elijah was born... As soon as the doctors took him out. I heard nothing not a whimper not a cry not one single sound. I asked Steve if he was already dead and the doctor heard me and said, "No, he is alive". He called Steve over to him and still no sound. FINALLY the nurse and Steve walked over to me, my hands still tied down. The nurse placed Elijah on my chest and my tears rolled down my cheeks. He was breathing so, so very labored. A very tired faint grunt from deep within him. I began to talk to him. I asked him if he was tired, I asked him if it was hard for him to carry the weight of his big smart brain all by himself with no more water to carry the weight for him. I told him I was so proud of him for being my strong brave boy, for not leaving before I could kiss his sweet face. As the nurses rolled me out of the operating room down the hall and back into my room I kept talking to him. Telling him how many people were their waiting to meet him. How much I loved him. I could see how much he was struggling to take every breath and he was very blue. I cuddled him closer to my face and whispered into his ear, "When Jesus comes for you baby... you can go. I love you Lijah, I love you with all my heart baby, Daddy & I are so proud of you. I want you to stay with me here, BUT mommy knows you are tired baby and when Jesus comes for you, when he comes you can go okay baby?! I LOVE YOU".
SO you see I knew he wasn't coming home with me. because the nurses had told me, "when he is born if you hear a good loud steady cry you will have a few days with him and chances are very good that he will go home with you from the hospital for at least a few days". BUT HE NEVER CRIED!!!! SO HOW STUPID FOR ME TO HAVE EXPECTED HIM TO COME HOME!!!!! I had already told him I knew he was struggling. I told him to go with Jesus! and now I'm mad, like if I had no clue this was going to happen. STUPID ME!
I wanted to bring him home!!! Oh and the special hats we made DIDN'T FIT not even the one Susie made us like the adorable ones she made for Joshua - did'nt fit!
Elijah's cele was massivly big. I wonder if any of you would want to see some of the pictures we took of him showin off his "SMARTNESS"? He was so beautiful but I know many people get uncomfortble with looking at his "SMART BOY PICTURES" so maybe I better not post them. I don't know, whats your opinions?
If Steve & I had been able to bring him home with us we would have been proud of him and taken him every where with us (JUST LIKE SUSIE WITH JOSHUA) and take lots & lots of pictures.we talked about that so many times before he was born, about where we would take him we had even sorta planned on him being with us to go to church family camp. WE DO HAVE LOTS OF PICTURES we have 394 pictures from the proffesional ,angel babies photographer and we have 200 pictures from family pictures and a video of his 25 and 1/2 hour life. We were also blessed with a 2 hour video coverage of his life celebration services along with approximatly 75+ pictures of the services. THE SERVICES WERE SO BEAUTIFUL!!! Oh I MISS HIM SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! I WISH SO BAD THAT THERE WAS A WAY FOR ME TO SHARE HIM AND HOW PRECIOUS HE IS TO ME WITH THE ENTIRE WORLD!! I WISH PEOPLE NEVER FORGOT HIM, I wish people asked me somthing about him. HE is still so very much a part of my life and I wish people talked about him to me. He is on my mind all the time. Josiah does talk about him. He talks about him almost every day not quite but pretty close to every day. That makes me mad too, to here Josiah say such loving tender words to ELijah's pictures and then to see him kiss the grave side before we leave the cemetery. It makes me mad that my little man can't be a big brother!!!!! He is so loving and tender, whenever he sees a flower he says, "look mommy for Lijah cemetery". Or bubbles, he loves to blow bubbles and whenever a tiny one floats away high into the sky he yells at the top of his lungs "for you Lijah, for you a tiny one". Then he justs giggles! Josiah would have been a darn good no GREAT big brother and it just tears me to shreds because that was taken from him!!!!! makes me mad!!!! just mad!!!!! Sometimes, at night when I can't sleep I will quietly go into Josiah's room and crawl into bed with him and just hold him and smell him and watch him for hours and hours on end and just cry in silence. My precious boys!!! my beautiful precious boys!!!!! Oh how I miss you Lijah!!!
SO you see I knew he wasn't coming home with me. because the nurses had told me, "when he is born if you hear a good loud steady cry you will have a few days with him and chances are very good that he will go home with you from the hospital for at least a few days". BUT HE NEVER CRIED!!!! SO HOW STUPID FOR ME TO HAVE EXPECTED HIM TO COME HOME!!!!! I had already told him I knew he was struggling. I told him to go with Jesus! and now I'm mad, like if I had no clue this was going to happen. STUPID ME!
I wanted to bring him home!!! Oh and the special hats we made DIDN'T FIT not even the one Susie made us like the adorable ones she made for Joshua - did'nt fit!
Elijah's cele was massivly big. I wonder if any of you would want to see some of the pictures we took of him showin off his "SMARTNESS"? He was so beautiful but I know many people get uncomfortble with looking at his "SMART BOY PICTURES" so maybe I better not post them. I don't know, whats your opinions?
If Steve & I had been able to bring him home with us we would have been proud of him and taken him every where with us (JUST LIKE SUSIE WITH JOSHUA) and take lots & lots of pictures.we talked about that so many times before he was born, about where we would take him we had even sorta planned on him being with us to go to church family camp. WE DO HAVE LOTS OF PICTURES we have 394 pictures from the proffesional ,angel babies photographer and we have 200 pictures from family pictures and a video of his 25 and 1/2 hour life. We were also blessed with a 2 hour video coverage of his life celebration services along with approximatly 75+ pictures of the services. THE SERVICES WERE SO BEAUTIFUL!!! Oh I MISS HIM SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! I WISH SO BAD THAT THERE WAS A WAY FOR ME TO SHARE HIM AND HOW PRECIOUS HE IS TO ME WITH THE ENTIRE WORLD!! I WISH PEOPLE NEVER FORGOT HIM, I wish people asked me somthing about him. HE is still so very much a part of my life and I wish people talked about him to me. He is on my mind all the time. Josiah does talk about him. He talks about him almost every day not quite but pretty close to every day. That makes me mad too, to here Josiah say such loving tender words to ELijah's pictures and then to see him kiss the grave side before we leave the cemetery. It makes me mad that my little man can't be a big brother!!!!! He is so loving and tender, whenever he sees a flower he says, "look mommy for Lijah cemetery". Or bubbles, he loves to blow bubbles and whenever a tiny one floats away high into the sky he yells at the top of his lungs "for you Lijah, for you a tiny one". Then he justs giggles! Josiah would have been a darn good no GREAT big brother and it just tears me to shreds because that was taken from him!!!!! makes me mad!!!! just mad!!!!! Sometimes, at night when I can't sleep I will quietly go into Josiah's room and crawl into bed with him and just hold him and smell him and watch him for hours and hours on end and just cry in silence. My precious boys!!! my beautiful precious boys!!!!! Oh how I miss you Lijah!!!
Monday, September 8, 2008
BIG DILEMA AFTER DEATH OF MY BABY
Tomorrow my sweet boy would have been 2 months old. I feel so very angry that I don't have him here with me and I know there is a purpose I know he is in a better place. I know I will see him again but all that I know doesn't change anything in my aching heart. I don't know where to begin...
Steve and I found out that the secretary at the funeral home in town took HER teenage son into the funeral home to GALK at my Precious sweet Elijah. We were told by the sons girlfriend that the funeral home secretary took the guy in to see WHAT A BIRTH DEFECTS THAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN PEOPLE DO DRUGS SMOKE AND DRINK!!!!! I AM SO ANGRY FURIOUS BEYOND WORDS!!!! they gave us very detailed information about Elijah's head so I know it has to have some truth to it!!! Ive been contacting attorneys and BBB I want so bad for this woman to know that what she did was so very wron on so many levels!!! I called the funeral home director and he said "My secretary screwd up" I AM SO FURIOUS MAD how dare them even talk about how my beautiful boy looked!!! it is none of their business to be talking about his body and how GOD chose to make him! That woman knew nothing of me or my life and I only met her for the first time the day I went with my two sisters to out on Elijah's shoes before the funeral!!! any ways I WISH HOPE AND PRAY THAT I GET DIRECTION AND CLOSURE FOR WHAT HAPPENED because that funeral home misconduct was JUST WRONG!!!! any ways thanks for still thinking of us I NEED TO TALK TO SOME OF YOU MOMMAS THAT HAVE BEEN WALKING THE ROAD LONG WITH SUFFERING!!! I MISS HIM SO BAD!!! IF ANY OF YOU MOMMAS have a chance to write me to my email it is stv.mre@gmail.com WRITE TO ME THERE AND WE CAN EXCHANGE ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBERS IF THAT IS OKAY!!! I NEED TO TALK TO A MOMMA THAT KNOWS MY PAIN BY EXPERIENCE NOT just some one who wants to understand I need to know if all my flood of emotions are normal or not!!!! PLEASE I KNOW I SEEM TO HAVE JUST DROPPED OF and did'nt keep you all up two date BUT PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND KNOW THAT I NEED LOTS OF PRAYERS AND SUPPORT
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
When there is pain in the offering...
Today is September 3rd. ALMOST 2 months since our baby went home! WE ARE SO ACHIE and EMPTY. Ive been having dreams of babies and me crying and last night I dram we were in a church and a little boy dressed in a suit came up to me and gave me a book and told me that Elijah is okay. For some reason in my dream I was so angry because this little boy came and I was mad that I didn't have Elijah... WHO KNOWS WHAT OR DREAMS MEAN ?!?!?! wierd huh
I AM BUSY LOOKING FOR A JOB AND JOSAIH IS IN CHRISTIAN PRESCHOOL. STEVE IS WORKING & KAYLA IS BACK IN SCHOOL!!!
thanks for all the comments and prayers which are so uplifting.
I AM BUSY LOOKING FOR A JOB AND JOSAIH IS IN CHRISTIAN PRESCHOOL. STEVE IS WORKING & KAYLA IS BACK IN SCHOOL!!!
thanks for all the comments and prayers which are so uplifting.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Our Angel Was Laid to Rest
Our little angel was laid to rest on July 16th. He will forever sing in heaven's choir.
First, I want to thank you for all your love and support these past few weeks have been so hard!
I want to share a very small video clip that the Angel Babies photographer made for us. More pictures will come up soon.
Please keep us in your prayers now that all the formalities are over. The REAL grieving process begins.
I wrote a very small piece as opening words and mentioned all the little Angel Babies who greeted Elijah as he walked through Heaven's gates.
My heart is now with all you empty cradled mommies as we sleep with no more kicking in our bellies.
More later.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Prepared Speech For the Funeral
Steve & I would like to welcome you all here. We are so blessed to be surrounded by all of your heartfelt wishes, prayers, and words of encouragement. This service is in honor and celebration of the life we have been so privileged to nurture and carry:
OUR SON ELIJAH NATHANIEL DOUGLAS
As Elijah’s parents we invite you to join us as we bless the Lord for all He has done.
This service is no ordinary funeral service. Tonight we ask that you join us as we Worship God for His Excellent Gift: Our Precious Elijah.
On Sunday May 18th, 2008 as we were in worship service, My heart was broken at the thought that my Elijah, who, at the time, was patting and kicking during worship, would not be with me forever; My heart was filled with a serene yet rushing wave of peace As I listened to the worship song which said “HOLY, HOLY IS HE, WORTHY IS THE LAMB” I felt the Lord speak to my heart and say “ JUST AS A DEER PANTS FOR WATER AND YOUR SOUL LONGS FOR ME SO IT IS WITH ELIJAH FROM THE VERY FIRST BEAT OF HIS HEART HE HAS LONGED TO WORSHIP ME- WHEN I TAKE HIM HOME HE WILL BE WORSHIPING AT MY FEET AS YOU LONG TO DO ALSO” in that very moment as the worship played I rejoiced with gladness at the thought that every time I worship and sing to My Lord and Savior I will be joined with my baby boy and in those very moments we will be worshiping together.
Along this painful path we were blessed to meet friends who we bonded with through the internet whom had also been chosen to embark on this long road of loving our little ones through the pain of knowing all too soon their names would be called on Heavens Nursery Roll.
Please join with us as we sing these few worship songs together with Elijah,
Baby Asher + Isaac, Baby Jacob + Baby Joshua, Baby Eva.
OUR SON ELIJAH NATHANIEL DOUGLAS
As Elijah’s parents we invite you to join us as we bless the Lord for all He has done.
This service is no ordinary funeral service. Tonight we ask that you join us as we Worship God for His Excellent Gift: Our Precious Elijah.
On Sunday May 18th, 2008 as we were in worship service, My heart was broken at the thought that my Elijah, who, at the time, was patting and kicking during worship, would not be with me forever; My heart was filled with a serene yet rushing wave of peace As I listened to the worship song which said “HOLY, HOLY IS HE, WORTHY IS THE LAMB” I felt the Lord speak to my heart and say “ JUST AS A DEER PANTS FOR WATER AND YOUR SOUL LONGS FOR ME SO IT IS WITH ELIJAH FROM THE VERY FIRST BEAT OF HIS HEART HE HAS LONGED TO WORSHIP ME- WHEN I TAKE HIM HOME HE WILL BE WORSHIPING AT MY FEET AS YOU LONG TO DO ALSO” in that very moment as the worship played I rejoiced with gladness at the thought that every time I worship and sing to My Lord and Savior I will be joined with my baby boy and in those very moments we will be worshiping together.
Along this painful path we were blessed to meet friends who we bonded with through the internet whom had also been chosen to embark on this long road of loving our little ones through the pain of knowing all too soon their names would be called on Heavens Nursery Roll.
Please join with us as we sing these few worship songs together with Elijah,
Baby Asher + Isaac, Baby Jacob + Baby Joshua, Baby Eva.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Say hello to little baby Elijah. Unfortunatly for us he went home to be with the lord. If you are in the area and wish to attend his funeral services, we apreciate your support. God bless.
Services are as followes: Tuesday night at the Fowler Baptist Church at 7:00 pm.
Wednesday Morning the burial will be at the Parlier Cemetary at 11:Am.
Services are as followes: Tuesday night at the Fowler Baptist Church at 7:00 pm.
Wednesday Morning the burial will be at the Parlier Cemetary at 11:Am.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Elijah is with Jesus
Elijah went home to be with our Lord and Savior at 3:49 this morning. Mom and Dad are doing well and will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow. Please continue your prayers. We will update with more information tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Elijah is born!
Elijah Nathaniel Douglas was born on July 9, 2008, at 2:11 a.m. He is 19 1/2 inches long and weighs 7 lbs. He is doing fine.
Marie and Elijah
Marie is fine, but is having some complications, so she is going to have a C-Section shortly.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Update on Marie and Steve
Hi, my name is Cindy, I'm Marie's best friend, she wanted me to update everyone on what's been going on lately and thank everyone who has been faithful in praying for them.
No internet yet, but Praise be to God! They have been in their new home for about a week! God is faithful! Their new home is just blocks away from Steve's job. It was truly a God thing! And as you can imagine they have been busy getting things situated before Elijah arrives. They have felt every one's prayers and have a tremendous peace in their new home. Josiah also is so comfortable that several times in getting ready to go out, he has started saying that he wants to stay in his new home and once, when they returned he started kissing the fence so glad to be home! :)
She has been packed and ready to go to the hospital for the past two or three weeks. But unfortunately her body is not yet ready to deliver. But as she told me the other day, our days are ordained by God, HE knows the hour and day of our birth. So until then they will, as always, trust in their Sovereign Lord to see them through these next few days. Allowing His perfect will to be done in their lives.
Please continue to pray for them as the day draws near. She will return to the Dr. on Wednesday. Thanks again for opening your heart to my friend and her family, words cannot describe how your encouraging words and also just for reading and praying has helped them in this time in their life. May God's love and blessing be showered upon you and yours. God Bless.
Today? We're all getting together at their home to barbaque and enjoy the town's fireworks. And again to enjoy every moment Elijah is safe inside mommy :) Happy Fourth of July!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
A FEW MORE PIC'S
yesturday after beths baby shower SEE WHY I SAY THT I HAVE EXCEEDED THE MAXIMUM CAPACITY :)
one more from last friday
UPDATE!!!
Today is Father's Day! I am able to blog because I'm at Minn's house.(hope her compuer doesn't flake out in the middle of this)
WELL... ... where do I begin? SO LOST FOR WORDS! Still growing a beautiful belly and my boy is still as strong as ever. Steve & I are still struggling with oh so many OTHER ISSUES - housing, finances, and custody stuff! ON TOP OF OUR PRECIOUS PAINFUL BURDEN WE ARE BEARING FOR who knows how much longer! I am as swollen as an exploding marshmellow at a camp fire :) people look at me and no matter what i do to look my best I still get all the glares and looks of pitty and even sometimes disgust. (the make up, leg shaving and toe nail polishing are to no avail!!! Cindy even died my hair for me the other night, Beth or Steve have to rub lotion on my legs now because as Beth put it "my body has reached its maximum capacity L.O.L I say I have exceeded maximum capacity but I guess Elijah has the final say :)
The shower was good - very emotional. MOSTLY CHURCH PEOPLE my two cousins Elva & Ruby came and Elva's girls 2 of them. Of course my sisters and mom. Steve's mom came too. We were so blessed by all the encouraging words. Steve & I spoke and it was a good feeling to be able to talk to everyone.
Going to see Dr. every Tuesday now she says I have about two weeks left(MIXED EMOTIONS) today we went to see my father in law and my mother in law asked if i am ready for it to be over ( I so wanted to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS... NO!!!! but inorder to keep polite I just answered nothing and looked away) It was hard but she tries - I guess.
Yesterday was Beth's baby shower(my brother threw it for her). I ACTUALLY HAD A BLAST!!! never once thought of losing Elijah just enjoyed being together with my three sisters Minn, Beth & Cindy and Beth & I were PREGNANT TOGETHER just like we planned and took lots of pic's (cindy has them) played games and came home exhausted!!!!
We have had two of the roughest weeks since we started this journey - very extremely painful and stressful. BUT YESTERDAY on our way to the shower we stopped by Cindy's moms and was surprised to learn that Elijah got a package from Joshua's family in New Zealand :) A SPECIAL HOMEMADE KNIT HAT :) loved it so much thanks Susie!!
Still praying for Jacobs family knowing we too will soon be in their boat
So much more to say about Elijah and the latest info we have gotten from the Dr's but I don't want to run the risk that this computer will flake out on me.
PLEASE, PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY WE CONTINUE TO BE IN THE REFINERS FIRE and it doesnt always make sence and we seem to be in a vert thick fog lately PLEASE WE CONTINUE TO NEED YOUR PRAYERS - we need the doors to open for us to get a place to live on our own ... I just dont want my sadness to weigh down on Beths happiness and I can't always bear her happiness at the same time I'm dealing with my sadness PLEASE EVERY ONE PLEASE PRAY!!!
WELL... ... where do I begin? SO LOST FOR WORDS! Still growing a beautiful belly and my boy is still as strong as ever. Steve & I are still struggling with oh so many OTHER ISSUES - housing, finances, and custody stuff! ON TOP OF OUR PRECIOUS PAINFUL BURDEN WE ARE BEARING FOR who knows how much longer! I am as swollen as an exploding marshmellow at a camp fire :) people look at me and no matter what i do to look my best I still get all the glares and looks of pitty and even sometimes disgust. (the make up, leg shaving and toe nail polishing are to no avail!!! Cindy even died my hair for me the other night, Beth or Steve have to rub lotion on my legs now because as Beth put it "my body has reached its maximum capacity L.O.L I say I have exceeded maximum capacity but I guess Elijah has the final say :)
The shower was good - very emotional. MOSTLY CHURCH PEOPLE my two cousins Elva & Ruby came and Elva's girls 2 of them. Of course my sisters and mom. Steve's mom came too. We were so blessed by all the encouraging words. Steve & I spoke and it was a good feeling to be able to talk to everyone.
Going to see Dr. every Tuesday now she says I have about two weeks left(MIXED EMOTIONS) today we went to see my father in law and my mother in law asked if i am ready for it to be over ( I so wanted to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS... NO!!!! but inorder to keep polite I just answered nothing and looked away) It was hard but she tries - I guess.
Yesterday was Beth's baby shower(my brother threw it for her). I ACTUALLY HAD A BLAST!!! never once thought of losing Elijah just enjoyed being together with my three sisters Minn, Beth & Cindy and Beth & I were PREGNANT TOGETHER just like we planned and took lots of pic's (cindy has them) played games and came home exhausted!!!!
We have had two of the roughest weeks since we started this journey - very extremely painful and stressful. BUT YESTERDAY on our way to the shower we stopped by Cindy's moms and was surprised to learn that Elijah got a package from Joshua's family in New Zealand :) A SPECIAL HOMEMADE KNIT HAT :) loved it so much thanks Susie!!
Still praying for Jacobs family knowing we too will soon be in their boat
So much more to say about Elijah and the latest info we have gotten from the Dr's but I don't want to run the risk that this computer will flake out on me.
PLEASE, PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY WE CONTINUE TO BE IN THE REFINERS FIRE and it doesnt always make sence and we seem to be in a vert thick fog lately PLEASE WE CONTINUE TO NEED YOUR PRAYERS - we need the doors to open for us to get a place to live on our own ... I just dont want my sadness to weigh down on Beths happiness and I can't always bear her happiness at the same time I'm dealing with my sadness PLEASE EVERY ONE PLEASE PRAY!!!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
SO MUCH TO SAY SO LITTLE TIME!
Steve & I came to the Library we just miss being able to log and check out who all is visiting us and our sweet angel, who by the way is getting VERY LARGE for mommy's tummy (I can't figure out who is more uncomfortable - me or him). WE ARE STILL WAITING for everything to go through on the apartment. WE have been going through the roughest days hours minutes and seconds of our life's the journey has become at time unbearable. Just barley able to breath at times... this is how I feel and I know Steve is over whelmed to say the least. STILL we wouldn't trade the moments of hearing Elijah's heart beat and seeing him tumble around inside of me. OR the times that Josiah runs up to me or climbs on me just to kiss his brother or to hear him sing his brothers name. When Kayla is home with us hearing her talk to and about him and feeling her overwhelming love pour out all over her brother in my tummy WE WOULD NEVER TRADE ALL THE SORROW AND UNBEARABLE PAIN WE BEAR THESE DAYS.
And as though we were not already under so much pressure from our daily struggles not only the apartment situation,but my father in law suffered a major heart attack and has been in the hospital ICU for about three weeks. I NEED TO GO NOW BUT HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY!!!!! JUST RAN OUT OF TIME ON THIS COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hate not having my own computer at moms house!!!! please pray for us this SAT we will be having Elijah's shower at church and I'm nervous I have pic's to share of my growing baby boy and also pray for Kayla's mom to let her come to the shower
And as though we were not already under so much pressure from our daily struggles not only the apartment situation,but my father in law suffered a major heart attack and has been in the hospital ICU for about three weeks. I NEED TO GO NOW BUT HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY!!!!! JUST RAN OUT OF TIME ON THIS COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hate not having my own computer at moms house!!!! please pray for us this SAT we will be having Elijah's shower at church and I'm nervous I have pic's to share of my growing baby boy and also pray for Kayla's mom to let her come to the shower
Saturday, May 24, 2008
HI ALL!!
I know! I know!! we just seem to have dissapeared for a while but we are not gone! WE STILL ARE IN MUCH NEED OF YOUR SUPPORT LOVE & PRAYERS! We went to our appointment Tuesday and were so very disapointed to find we still don't have "THE MIRACLE " we so desperatley want. We left the office and were silent for most of the 35 minute drive home.
HOME... ... well as things turn out we are still at my moms. FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON the people had guarateed us to get the apartment changed their minds and now we are in a bit of a messy situation. I remember once reading Susie's blog and she quoted "why can't we just have one crisis at a time" I so feel like that. I have had so very many questions in my mind latley - I do not doubkt my walk with the Lord I just doublt that I'm doing things right any more. WE READ in the bible that He will never give us more than we can handle... RIGHT NOW I FEEL PRETTY WIEGHED DOWN.
JUST SO YOU KNOW there is no internet service at my moms and in my "FAT, SWOLLEN & still growing condition taking a little trip to the city library to blog is not too high on the list of things I can do right now BUT ALSO I MISS BLOGGING SO VERY BAD! I MISS ALL THE COMMENTS AND JUST BEING ABLE TO communicate. For some reason we feel so good when we are able to blog and see how many hits our precious baby boy's site is getting. I know many of you don't post a comment but just seeing the counter change lifts our spirits. STEVE & I are hoping to order internet service if we end up staying at my moms much longer.
WE DESPERATLY NEED YOUR PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!! The hospital called me this Wednesday and told me to get everything in order. GET THINGS IN ORDER - get things in order to birth and bury my baby boy - who we planned to watch him grow up with his big brother and sister. The baby me & beth were supposed to push in the strollers together and watch meet the mile stones together!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been "losing it" alot latley!!!!! just can't keep the tears from rolling and my emotions are just so raging. I have been very quiet most of the time.
HOME... ... well as things turn out we are still at my moms. FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON the people had guarateed us to get the apartment changed their minds and now we are in a bit of a messy situation. I remember once reading Susie's blog and she quoted "why can't we just have one crisis at a time" I so feel like that. I have had so very many questions in my mind latley - I do not doubkt my walk with the Lord I just doublt that I'm doing things right any more. WE READ in the bible that He will never give us more than we can handle... RIGHT NOW I FEEL PRETTY WIEGHED DOWN.
JUST SO YOU KNOW there is no internet service at my moms and in my "FAT, SWOLLEN & still growing condition taking a little trip to the city library to blog is not too high on the list of things I can do right now BUT ALSO I MISS BLOGGING SO VERY BAD! I MISS ALL THE COMMENTS AND JUST BEING ABLE TO communicate. For some reason we feel so good when we are able to blog and see how many hits our precious baby boy's site is getting. I know many of you don't post a comment but just seeing the counter change lifts our spirits. STEVE & I are hoping to order internet service if we end up staying at my moms much longer.
WE DESPERATLY NEED YOUR PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!! The hospital called me this Wednesday and told me to get everything in order. GET THINGS IN ORDER - get things in order to birth and bury my baby boy - who we planned to watch him grow up with his big brother and sister. The baby me & beth were supposed to push in the strollers together and watch meet the mile stones together!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been "losing it" alot latley!!!!! just can't keep the tears from rolling and my emotions are just so raging. I have been very quiet most of the time.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
JOSIAH GRADUATED FROM BABY COLLEGE!!
Josiah graduated on Wednesday!! My nephew Josh who made this blog for me is adding the graduation video :)
GOD'S FAITHFULNESS!!
Hi everyone! well first of all Steve & I looked into the laptop and right now $$$$$ is a big issue so we will have to wait a little bit longer :) The unspoken prayer request was about our housing situation... this May we were supposed to sign papers for our house to change from rental to option to buy. HOWEVER AS WE HAVE ALL LEARNED that sometimes life brings things that change the course of our lives as we have them planned it! BUT that's O.K because material things have become so meaningless to us now. "THIS HOUSE" was at one time our dream house BUT now we see that all these "things" are temporal.
SOOOOO.... .... all that said GOD IS SO FAITHFULL on June 1st we should be moving into our new apartment!! IN FOWLER (all the church family, my best friend, my sister and our church and some of our closest friends will all be close by). Right now, we are staying at my moms in order to save a bit on the money.
SOOOOO.... .... all that said GOD IS SO FAITHFULL on June 1st we should be moving into our new apartment!! IN FOWLER (all the church family, my best friend, my sister and our church and some of our closest friends will all be close by). Right now, we are staying at my moms in order to save a bit on the money.
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