Wednesday, May 7, 2008

These words kept running in my head

Things are just getting really tough right now, not only because of Elijah and all the emotions that brings but because of some other personal situations we are facing. Today I watched Steve take care of some stuff for us and as he was walking back and forth, those words came to my mind:
carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders as you watch your dreams slip away
Steve is a very hard working man. A great provider, husband and Father. I just wish I had the ability to make him feel better like he so often does for me during this journey we are on. As everyone knows yesterday was "Dr. Day" he was unable to go with me because he was taking care of "stuff" so mom went with me. Later on in the day we talked and he finally came to me and said, "I'm tired, frustrated, & feel like I don't know if I'm coming or going - I feel like I can't let myself think about Elijah because if I do I'm going to go down"
what did I say?... NOTHING, just nodded as I rubbed his shoulder! I had no words! How could I - his wife - his "help mate" NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?!?!?!?!?!?
Today as we got stuff done around the house, I saw the weight of the world weighing heavy on my husbands shoulders as dreams are being washed away - and yet through it all...
I'm so grateful for worship - I LOVE TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD where all our hopes & dreams in him will never die!
I don't feel too strong these days so if anyone runs into me & it looks like I've lost my smile. I'm still me - just going through some rough days right now. If I don't write as much - Just hard to put my thoughts together.

PLEASE KNOW I APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE, PRAYERS & ENCOURAGING COMMENTS we have received - I'm not turning bitter or losing my faith (please don't judge me as such)
It is just that
AND YET ALL THE WHILE SO VERY HAPPY EVERY TIME MY BABY BOY KICKS AND MOVES INSIDE ME because that assures me "he is still with me, I'm still his mommy, I am still caring for his needs right now, and that is such a joy to me - a very fulfilling emotion all the while knowing it will all too soon come to an end.

Mother's Day this year will be VERY DIFFICULT not just because of it being my 1st & last one with Elijah but also because of the MOMMIES I have met since on this journey, and knowing some extent of the pain they walk with. ALTHOUGH WE ALL HAVE THE HOPE OF CHRIST... it just somehow does not fill the void in their arms and hearts. Knowing that I will too be in their place - I WISH I HAD SOME COMFORTING WORDS!!!
I'm so blessed to know WE ARE NOT ALONE!! thanks for being with us and for taking the time to comment and for the prayers - they are so uplifting.


  1. Marie - I just came upon your blog. You mentioned it was hard to know how to comfort your husband. Recently when reading the book of Job, I noticed that when his friends came to him, they simply sat by him for 7 days. How comforting that must have been! It was when they opened their mouths that they got into trouble...Sometimes just being there means more than the words we do not have. Maybe that touched me because I am not the most articulate person in the world.
    I will be praying for you Marie. I know He makes all things beautiful in His time. Sometimes it is the 'in His time' that is the hard part!

  2. Sometimes just the physical touch and the "I know" are enough. I have found with my husband that my best support for him isn't always having the right words to say. For him, knowing that I've spent time praying for him gives him the comfort he needs. We also have started to pray together in those particularly stressful times. We will start out with a verse or 2 of scripture that pertains to our situation, take it before the Lord in prayer together. Time after time, I am amazed at the closeness and intimacy I feel not only to the Lord, but to my husband after spending time in prayer together. Sometimes it is easier to pour out your soul to God than it is to vocalize to your spouse how you are really feeling. Though our situation is completely different as far as our struggles, we are united in Christ. Know that I pray for you and your family.

  3. Sweet Marie,

    You ARE being a "help mate" to Steve during this time. Just your touch and presence is help, letting him know you share the burden. Being a quiet listener is a blessing for him.
    There is no easy way to travel this road you are on right now but I KNOW God promises to not leave you or forsake you, and I know He keeps His promise. I am praying for your hearts to be sheltered in His peace as you have so much going on right now. He will not forget your needs as He works out His plan. Praying for Elijah too, that he continues to grow strong and bring you joy right now in this storm. Keep writing your heart out here, and know that you are being lifted up in prayer.

    Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.

  4. Remember the song...
    There is no problem too big
    God cannot solve
    There is no mountain too tall
    He cannot move it
    There is not storm too dark
    God cannot calm it
    There is no sorrow too deep
    He cannot soothe it

    If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
    I know, my brother that He will carry you
    If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
    I know, my sister that He will carry you

    He said come on to me all who are weary
    And I will give you rest

    Know that you and Steve do not carry this load alone. You have all of us and praise God you've found all these angel mommies that understand your pain.

    I'll find the song and make you the CD that way you can share it with Steve.

    Praying for you both throughout the day. Love ya!

  5. I am praying for you and your precious baby boy and have been for quite some time now..
    You are so strong and your faith is so amazing.

    When is your due date? I'm praying that you get to spend a lot of time with your precious baby before he decides to go home.

    God Bless.

  6. I so understand so much of what you have written today. Please know you are not alone in this and it is okay to have bad days. Your faith is evident and will strengthen through this. Please know I am here if you EVER need to vent. I would even be willing to give you my phone number if you ever need to talk. I am praying for you!



    They have experienced also. May you help each other.