MORE CHRISTMAS DECORATION PIC'S

THE TREE ^


MAKING THE STOCKINGS ^



KAYLA ROCKIN!!! ^

MUSTARD SMILES ugh!!! ikkie!! ^

hangin out at 'Camp Douglas'

HERE IS 'Lijah's Stocking

I FIGURED OUT THE CAMERA

HERE ARE A SOME OF THE PICTURES OF US DECORATING OUR HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS THIS PASSED WEEKEND


Me & 'Si getting bulbs ready



A CHRISTMAS KISS (Kayla took this shot)

MOM ROCKIN AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE (another Kakie Shot)

PEEK- A BOO!! (MY FAVORITE!)

Kakie & 'Si Rockin around the Christmas tree!!

Rockin Around the Christmas Tree is our Traditional Family Christmas Song!!

We started this Tradition when we just had Kakie, acctually we started this tradition whenever Steve & I were engaged & I lived in my apartment. Steve & Kakie came over to help me decorate my tree. December 2004 Our first Christmas together - I just ran into those pictures earlier tonight.

"GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAINS"

* OUR FAMILIES VERY OWN CHRISTMAS ANGELS (from all around the world)!!!

Luke 2:8-20 (21st Century King James Version)
8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
9And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid.
10And the angel said unto them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
11For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
12And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."
13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
14"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men!"
15And it came to pass, when the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, "Let us now go even unto Bethlehem and see this thing which has come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us."
16And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger.
17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this Child.
18And all those who heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
19But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.
20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

We have no words. We are humbly honored by the kindness which has been extended out to our family. I would like to take "THIS" opportunity to share with you about a loving Savior;
THEE CHRIST, MESSIAH! Born to us for redemtion, salvation & life!! I know that right now the economy is bad all over, some more than others!

As you read this post you may not be ones going through financial hardship but a different kind of hardship, perhaps a marriage, a relationship, unsaved children, court preceeedings - things of this life which weigh heavy upon your heart. Maybe you to are facing the holiday season without one of your loved ones.

Maybe everything is going right for you but you just can't figure out why you feel the longing in your heart.
[ever since we found out about Elijah's "smartness" & the fact that he would be in heaven very soon, I have gotten emails & telephone calls telling me that we are a bit on the fanatical side]
WE ARE, we are fanatically dependent on a Savior to reedeem us & bring forth all of His promises! ~Diamonds are precious stones brought forth through a process from a dirty black hard rock~ OUR PROMISES FOR OUR LIVES ARE BROUGHT FORTH IN THE SAME MANNER.
[during 'Lijah's funeral service we sang 'WORSHIP' Steve & I saw how some of the people were looking at us - as if unable to comprehend how we could utter the words ' our hearts will choose to say blessed be your name, You give & take away']
WE DO, we utter those words on a daily basis. I have shared with you all the various trials which we have faced after Elijah went to heaven.

I would like to take this time to encourage you - whatever state you find yourself in whether in bounty or in lack; If YOU are the ONE reading this today & YOU have that longing or emptiness in your heart - Please take this time to pray with me; ask OUR WONDERFUL SAVIOR TO COME INTO YOUR HEART & INTO YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE; Lord I ask you to come to me as I come to you. I come to you with all my brokenness. I am tired of trying on my own strength. I need your help today. I come to you and acknowledge my faults, my sin and the things I have done against You & others. I ask you to forgive me and send me the gift of your Spirit that I may be empowered to live a life that strives daily to please you. I want to honor You as Lord & Savior of my life, my finances, my relationships, my children & most importantly I want to know you better, to grow & walk closer to you, AMEN!

So Steve & I have faced various types of trails & we know that LIFE brings about struggles, daily. BUT WE KNOW ONE WHO IS FAITHFUL TO HIS PROMISES!!
Our children have been blessed with love & prayers & also they have received material blessings as well. Back in October, A family blessed us with clothing for our children (right on time for the change of weather) Since then we have been blessed with financial gifts, which have allowed us to buy home essentials such as toilet paper, shampoo & other stuff like that. This family has blessed us in SO many ways!! & NOW, TODAY we received an envelope from some other families which also blessed us with a financial gift. The gift we received was exactly the amount of one months rent!! WOW!!! PRAISE THE LORD!! We have been selling tamales & bows to make ends meet. GOD SAW THE NEED & HE MET IT!!! I am so grateful to God FOR ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN SO FREE TO GIVE OF THAT WHICH YOU HAVE WORKED SO VERY HARD TO EARN & THEN TO JUST RELEASE IT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE YOU ONLY KNOW THROUGH THE BLOG!!! WE ARE SO VERY, VERY blessed! ALL of these families have given a gift to us - the gift of keeping our faith & trust in A GOOD GOD!! Things have been pretty rough but GOD has been bigger than that. Tonight Steve & I will sleep with such a peace in our hearts that the rent has been paid!! God knows the other needs & he promises in His word that HE will make a way where there seems to be no way!! Each of your families have blessed us! We opened the envelope & tears ran down our face as we counted & counted & counted the money & saw how GOD brought us exactly what we were lacking & because of YOU we will be able to stay in our home!!

There is absolutely no way that Steve & I could ever repay what you ALL[ all of you from every place in this world] have done for us, BUT WE KNOW THE ONE WHO SEE'S ALL YOU HAVE DONE & HIS WORD SAY'S, " WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO THE LEAST OF THESE YOU HAVE DONE UNTO ME" HE takes into account every thing you have sacrificed to bless us in the abundant manner in which you have blessed us & HE IS THE REWARDER!! May His perfect peace abound much in your heart & home today & always!!

Steve & I share this to speak on the goodness of a GREAT GOD, WORTHY OF ALL PRAISE & GLORY & HONOR!! THAT THIS SAME GOD BE WITH YOU!!

GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST!!!

Another Time In Another Place

I searched for the words of this song; as my heart is so heavy today. Today is THE 15th. Steve's B-Day. He has hardley talked today. He is missing his 'bubba'. He got a gift yesturday @ the party that brought up pain which he had tucked deep within his heart(too long & emotional to go in to details right now).
TODAY was Noah's funeral, Today The 15th 'Shua's momma carries a bbgirl in her tummy & holds a sweet girls hand while her heart is aching for her 9month old 'Shua. TODAY Asher & Issac's mommy & Jacob's mommy & Eva's mommy along with so many others are longing for 'that sweet sweet someday
(THIS IS THE SONG BY SANDI PATTI)
I've always heard there is a landBeyond the mortal dreams of manWhere every tear will be left behindBut it must be in another timeThere'll be an everlasting lightShining a purest holy whiteAnd every fear will be erasedBut it must be in another placeSo, I'm waiting for another time and another placeWhere all my hopes and dreams will be capturedWith one look at Jesus' faceOh, my heart's been burnin'My soul keeps yearnin'Sometimes I can't hardly waitFor that sweet, sweet somedayWhen I'll be swept awayTo another time and another placeI've grown so tired of earthly thingsThey promise peace but furnish painAll of life's sweetest joys combinedCould never match those in another timeAnd though I've put my trust in ChristAnd felt His Spirit move in my lifeI know it's truly just a tasteOf His glory in another place
I took these today right after I read Susie's blog. The view from my front porch. This is how the sky looked the day my Sister called to tell me 'Shua had gone home to Jesus. Steve & I were driving alone from Sanger back to Parlier. Our cell phone rang. I was pregnant with 'Lijah & when I answered the phone Minerva said, Susie posted... I said okay(no emotion) as soon as I hung up Steve said, "Joshua?!". I nodded. no words- no feelings and then I looked up into the sky, the puffy white clouds & tears began to run down my cheeks and I cried out, "Oh Joshua... ... You are home- sweet baby boy- you are home! Rubbing my 'Lijah belly I said, "Elijah your bubba Joshua is waiting for you now - he will be there soon Joshua - Thank you for living, Thank YOU for teaching me about my Elijah sweet boy".

TODAY as my sweet hubby's heart is aching along with all the other daddy's who long for their baby's; I dedicate this post to:

~JOSHUA MATTHEW SAMS~

Susie - YOU, MATT & OCE taught us how to love our cele baby!!! Joshua's pictures prepared my Kakie & 'Siah for what our precious 'Lijah would look like! 'Shua you were 'Lijah's very 1st friend!!! Our entire extended family knows you as our bubbas 1st buddy!!!

Susie,THANK YOU; can never express how deeply we appreciate all you have shared with us !!!

One of the things I whispered into 'Lijah's ear when he was taking his last breaths was,

"your friend Joshua is there, waiting by the BIG TREE, on the STREETS OF GOLD- he is there with Grandma Chicken & Grandpa Pato. I think Baby Asher & his Big brother Issac & Baby Eva will take you to the crystal river- they are all right their waiting. You will love heaven it is a beautiful place & soon we will all be together, someday"

'My hearts been burning my soul keeps yerning'






'That sweet, sweet someday'

'where all my hopes & dreams will be captured with one look at Jesus face'

'Sometimes I can't hardly wait'

I know that the probabilities of any of us meeting before that sweet, sweet some day are almost nothing & although meeting face to face & embracing would be so sweet. I want to thank ALL of you & your precious families for being a part of our lifes journey.

Look what I can(not) DO (very well)!!

Here is a picture I took with our NEW camera!!!! Thank YOU so much for our blessing :~)
This is the view from our front fence.THIS ONE IS a close up of 'Lijah's monie on our tree

The kids are having fun making a HUGE mess while I cleaned up for the lunch party. Kakie (that's how she wants her nickname spelled - SHE TOLD ME TODAY :~0) She & 'Si were painting!!!!! & NO that is not a bloody nose! IT'S RED PAINT. NOT too sure how he managed that!
BUT THIS IS THEIR "CLEAN" picture of their project 8>) l.o.l

I still can't figure out where all the beautiful pictures are at; the ones that we took last night before the batteries died.

I should probably take a class on how to retrieve these pic's cause I was also trying to include pic's of how our decorations throughout the house turned out. BUT it's late or I should say EARLY... oh it's sunday morning already!!!

& Steve & I are still up. The menudo & posole are cooking. The house is ready for guests & I can't find these pictures so I better get to bed cause we have to be at church at 9:30. I wanna find those pictures!!!!

oh well I better let it go for now.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THESE PICTURES!!!!

Honestly, Ashamed & Disapointed!!!

Tonight after dinner we all got started on our yearly tree decorating traditions. Mexican Hot Chocolate, Mexican Sweet Bread, Christmas Carrol's, Stockings & decorations.

I don't even know where to begin... ... ...

I have always prided myself in being honest and tonight is no different. I must confess; my attitude & behavior were less than inappropriate on such a special night for our family.

Everything was going just right. Music, songs, dancing, laughing, and Yes the usual little ornament/decoration mal-functions that happen whenever you put a 3 year old a 10 year old & 1 perfectionist parent & 1master at everything parent on the same tree lighting project!! l.o.l

The stockings were hung (after several attempts), the tree was almost full - we had gotten wonderful pictures which I was going to post BUT, our brand new digital camera we were BLESSED with decided to call it a night, earlier than expected (batteries died & we had no extras) SO rather than being a well spirited mommy @ Christmas Tree Night & just letting it slide, I began to get annoyed. I kept thinking about all the silly- goofy pictures we took, which used up the batteries.

Everything looked just splendid! and I was still more than okay! The tree was perfect, the stockings hung, the music was playing & ... ... ... JOSIAH had fallen asleep on the couch (in my mind he was supposed to stay awake for everything)

NOW WAS THE TIME WE HAD DESIGNATED to put up 'Lijah's monie(pacifier) and picture as tree ornaments.
WE HAD PLANNED ON PLAYING HIS VIDEO while listening to soft Christmas music & take pictures. THE DVD PLAYER BROKE RIGHT AS STEVE WAS PUTTING IN THE VIDEO. & 'Si was asleep!!!

I was so frustrated. I got upset & was very short fused with Steve. Okay I was mean. He was trying so hard to find batteries for the camera & then I said just forget it. Whenever I say just forget it; It is as if I just cursed Steve out - He hates whenever I say forget it. I tried to shake it off and I said , "sweetie - don't worry about it lets just play his video before 'Siah falls completely asleep". THE STUPID THING BROKE!!!
Again, Steve tried hard, over & over to "FIX" the dvd player. By now I was just steaming*Ughhh*
I said, "Oh well! who cares? everything always goes wrong for us! what's new?" Steve got upset with me (rightfully so) Kayla was putting together some ribbons.

I went into my room and there on top of my bed was "The Box" from the hospital- with Elijah's monie. I began to cry. I opened the box pulled out his monie and right under it was his Hospital Birth Certificate with his foot prints. I was crying & missing him so much. My heart was just aching! I was holding his stuff when I noticed a very small card. I opened it and inside was a plastic bag, in it was My 'Lijah's lock of hair! Beautiful- Thick & dark.

I began to weep into my pillow. I heard Kayla say, "daddy- you shouldn't have gotten mad at mommy - we are all just missing 'Lijah we are all stressed because we wanted tonight to be PERFECT because he isn't here"
I heard Steve tell her she was right and that he was sorry. Steve came into our room & we held each other tight and cried with 'Lijah's lock of hair in hand.

I walked into the living room and Kayla greeted me with a big hug & a smile to warm any heart. She held me so tight and said, " it's okay mommy- we can take pictures tomorrow & we can watch his video later. " I hugged her and told her how sorry I was for the way I acted and that "I should not have reacted the way I did for materialistic things" WE ENDED UP HAVING A GOOD TIME WE all three stood in front of our tree hugging each other and placed 'Lijah's monie right in front of our tree.

I am so upset with myself. You would think that after all we have been through I would not allow myself to get so upset over petty little things!!! What happened to cherishing the moments. I just totally got caught up in the moment of mis-haps & did not handle it at all in a manner to be proud of. I am very ashamed at my behavior. I apologized again & again. Steve & Kay said "it's okay" but I don't feel that it is!! I should know better than to react that way!! how awful of me!... ... getting upset over dead batteries & a broken dvd player!!
I would have thought that after burying my newborn son I would have learned the value of life!!!
* UGGGHHHH* I could just kick myself!
Elijah wouldn't want me to behave that way!!!

Another Angel Has Joined Heavens Choir

Our friends;
Hank & Jolene Wall were blessed & Honored to carry
Noah Gabriel Wall
for nine months and some days.

Noah's Auntie Victoria replied to an email I sent her asking how they were all doing. Victoria informed me that they were scheduled to go into the Hospital on Thursday, December 11th for induction, at 7:00 a.m.

I just received another reply from Noah's Grandma:

Noah Gabriel Wall

was born

Friday, December 12, 2008

at

3:30 a.m.

he weighed

7lbs. 14 oz.

Noah went to Heaven before he left his mommy's tummy.

PLEASE KEEP THEM IN YOUR PRAYERS!!! & Stop by their blog to leave them some words of encouragement

Update on decorations & HUGE B-Day BLESSING!

First of all the tree was left on our door step around 5:30 (i think) I was at the store & Steve & 'Si were in the back room, when I walked through the front door they were both all giddy putting the pieces together. This is our first ever artificial tree!!! WHAT A BLESSING - thanks :~) Frank & Tracy!!

The tree was now standing & Steve sighed deeply & said, "I miss Kayla - she has never missed decorating the tree & this year we didn't get the tree in time for her to be here"

We found a small plastic grocery bag half filled with plastic ornaments. We decided to go to the grocery store to pick up some candy canes (thank God for our grocery card).

We came back from the store and found several (8)missed calls from Kayk's moms number. Our cordless phone was dead. We kept trying to charge it but Kayk kept calling in. We listened to one voice mail. She said, "Daddy it's Kayla. If you don't get these messages; I love you & Happy Birthday okay daddy - I love you & sorry if you don't get these messages. Please call me." We finally got the phone charged enough to and finally answer her incoming call. Steve told her the phone was dying & she said, "daddy please call my mom because I can go with you tomorrow" After about thirty minutes of letting the phone charge Steve called& talked to Kay's mom.

SHE IS GIVING US HER WEEKEND!!! SO THAT KAY CAN BE HOME FOR HER DADDY'S B-DAY LUNCH ON SUNDAY!!!!

Steve's 35th B-Day is Monday but I am making him Menudo & Posole for lunch on Sunday & inviting church friends & family over to help us celebrate his birthday!!!

Needles to say the tree decorating stopped - KAY WILL BE HERE TOMORROW & WE INTEND ON KEEPING THE TRADITION OF DECORATING TOGETHER!!!!

On a down note : Rhinestone died on Monday & Sherbet died this evening. I think after the new year if Steve finds a job & I get back to school we are gonna get her some fish & a small tank with a filter.She was a bit

disappointed to hear they were dead.

~ gotta share this *tear jerking moment*

So, like I mentioned this morning - Steve had brought in the tubs of decorations right? well before we went to get the candy canes. Steve was stringing the lights on the tree & I was putting up one of my nativity scene collection. Josiah was piddling around and he found the bin of stuff was now empty he was playing around with it for about 5 minutes, when suddenly he says, "I go to heaven with 'Lijah now" Steve & I both jerked our heads to look towards him and he looked at us with that look of ~ curiosity or mischief~ (not sure how to explain the look) any ways I asked him "what babe" (trying not to startle him by my expressions) Steve turned his head back to the tree as if he was not paying attention. Josiah looked at me & said, "I go to be with my 'Lijah now kay?!! I be soft okay- see? see? I can - I fit! - Jesus an pick me up from the 'special' crib - see like 'Lijah's"

*Uhhh* (tears streaming down my face now).

He was comparing the stupid rubber tub to Elijah's casket - the tub is small, so he must have remembered and since the lid was right there... ...

Ug=hhh - Steve & I were speechless but i managed to tell him, " oh that tub reminds you of 'Lijah's 'special crib' - oh yeah you are right it is sorta like that huh?" ( i was trying hard not to cry & figure out what to reply)

He said, "see momma I go now, I go be with 'Lijah" I said, " the tub is sorta like the 'special crib we put Lijah in , but we can not go with 'Lijah yet"

YES, he kept asking questions! Steve was on his knees in front of the tree (crying). I was ringing my hands together fighting back the tears - the LONG- inquisitive conversation ended after I finally said, " Mommy & Daddy don't know why- baby, but one day Jesus will show us okay! - now mommy needs to finish the thing... ( YEAH I SAID THE THING) what thing? I dont know! I was just trying to get this little man to stop talking so I could catch my breath - Oh I think that's when Steve piped out, "lets go buy candy canes for our tree"! (thanks baby- your the sweetest!)

Ughhh! that's all I gotta say about it all!! UGHHHHHH! & today baby Noah(on my side bar) was supposed to be born - I gotta go check on them. I hate to even wonder if Noah is still here or not!! UGGGgggghhh!

(crying & bit TRUSTING)

THE HOT GLUE GUN VERSION

Hello All!!!
I have just named myself the~ hot glue gun version~ of MARTHA STEWART!!!

So, yesterday was spent VERY-VERY BUSY making Tamales. We made & sold 20 dozen and boy were they YUMMY-SCRUMPCIOUS. By the end of the day I was BEYOND EXHAUSTED. PRAISE THE LORD we are getting pretty close to making the rent!!!!! GOD TRULY IS GRAND!!! HE WILL SUPPLY OUR EVERY NEED IN THAT WE ARE CONFIDENT- THOUGH WE CANNOT SEE HOW WE TRUST HIM!!!!

Okay-so we get back from bible study last night (yes! can you believe we went, even after a full day of tamale making) While we were at moms making tamales, Steve decided to put up moms Christmas Yard stuff. She gave us one of those huge inflatable snowmen!!!! ... ...

Yup! you guessed it Steve got started on putting up the snowman right as soon as we got home. Josiah was so tired, he had fallen asleep right as we drove up our drive way.

I said I was going to go to bed. I DIDN'T end up doing that but instead Steve brought in the bins of Christmas decorations and YES we began going through all our stuff. We have a beautiful collection of Nativity scenes that my mother in law has bought me every year since 2005! I have also added some myself!!! I love the nativity scene!!! Last year we did not get a tree. Yesterday Tracy & Frank told us they are giving us a tree!!! We have Nativity Scenes in those Christmas bins & those are our decorations. WE have some flowers & glass snowmen from my apartment before I got married. We have every thing EXCEPT tree decorations what a dud! We had gotten rid of all my glass ornaments from my apartment because we were afraid of 'Siah cutting himself.

We ended up getting side tracked with two old plastic Christmas table covers & some hearts & wreaths we use to take to the cemetery. We stayed up till 2:45 a.m making Christmas decorations for 'Lijah's place.

Woke up this morning to a MESSY living room full my beautiful collection of nativity scenes & some of my left over snowmen collection.

I found some curtains too! (mom gave them to me when we moved here) Then I remembered I need to weatherize the kids windows for the winter months. My idea was to put up a thicker curtain. I DO NOT have a sewing machine. MY MOM DOES & SHE SEWS very well too! but MARIE WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE PATIENT & WAIT, NO WAY!! So, I pulled out my hot glue gun and started rearranging blinds with a fleece throw behind each blind then putting up the blinds again & then covering the windows with the curtains again.

The Martha Stewart started coming out in me & that little glue gun was no match for me, I grabbed my scissors made a cute tie back for Kaykee's window then went into 'Si's room and boy, If mom had seen what I was doing she would have freaked!! l.o.l :) [i cut his curtains apart then glued them back together in a NEW way]
Then i went into my messy living room and started there... still not done but I just started laughing at myself when; the thought came to my mind, "MARIE YOU ARE THE GLUE GUN VERSION OF MARTHA STEWART (not even on a shoe string budget but on NO BUDGET!") it was so funny, I just had to blog it :)

I tired out my precious little 'Si! It was funny he was just following me from room to room carrying my bag of glue sticks saying "oooh that pretty momma! you make it fast" l.o.l
He just worried for a little minute when he saw me cutting his curtains apart he said, "uh oh momma daddy gonna get realy mad at you" too funny!!

I need to figure out how to make tree ornaments, ANY IDEAS?????

5 months today

~love u 4 ever~
~miss you like crazy~

Rhinestone & Sherbet

They are still alive :)
thanks for all the advice you are all so sweet. We called Wal-Mart and the fish food is just a couple of bucks so I think we might be able to go out & get some later on today!!!

STEVE & I ARE MISSING 'LIJAH... ... ... tomorrow is the 9th.

Phillipians 4:8
Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.

- We will see him again
-He doesn't cry for us or miss us
- He is as Psalms 16:11 says enjoying pleasures forevermore
-IT IS GOOD TO THINK & KNOW WITH CERTAINTY these things!!!
-This is the day that the Lord has made WE WILL rejoice & be glad IN IT!!

NEED FAST ADVICE any one out there awake?!??!

I was on my way to bed & noticed Sherbet & Rhinestone are still in a cup sitting on the shelf on my hutch.
*AAAAaaaaaahhhh!!!!*
WE NEVER WENT TO BUY THEM FOOD!!!!
what can I feed them?
I poured them into a 6 inch tall by 4 inch wide clear glass vase I saved from 'Lijah's funeral
will they be okay? will they die by morning since we have no fish food?
They are probably STARVING poor fish!!!!

ANY IDEAS? ? ? ? PLEASE!!!!
I gotta take care of my Kaykee' Sherbet & Rhinestone!!!!
*Uuugh*
How long will they survive?
we can't afford a tank & the air bubble machine thing and Kayla's last fish from a carnival was already adopted by Tio Ben's big FISH tank but Kake is so set on KEEPING Sherbet & Rhinstone!!
Does any one know what I can feed them inthe mean time?!?!?! till Morning? I can ask Ben to lend us some fish food till we buy some but what about tonight? will they die?
Steve is asleep & I can't call any one right now!
IF ANY ONE IS AWAKE - ONLINE & has advise real quick PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE help me save Sherbet & Rhinestone!!
KAYLA WILL REALLY LOVE YA FOR IT!!!!

CAN'T SLEEP... ... just thinking

Random Thoughts:
~ Tired
~ Beth's married - she looks SO happy :) I'm happy 4 her!(them)
~ A little bit of a head ache
~ Saturday night was fun
~ 2 more days till '5 months'
On our way to the rehearsal on Friday night - in the car listening to the radio; ever since Steve & I met. Every Christmas we decorate our tree while playing the Christmas Song 'Rockin Around The Christmas Tree'. It seems like this year[probably his age] 'Si seems to be more aware of Christmas. but even when we just had Kayla - this was our Family Christmas Song (it's our family tradition) any ways we were driving to rehearsal and the song started playing on the radio. I got all into it. Steve too was singing along with the kids - WE were ALL laughing & giggling when I turned back to look at them in the back seat - My heart sank & tears just rolled down my face - My mind SHOUTED at me: " 'Lijah's car seat should be in the middle of the two kids! - 'Lijah is not hear - this should be 'Lijah's first Christmas"
Oh my heart hurts - Miss you sweet boy - Miss your soft warm face & your little baby grunts :)

~ My little heart charm from Morro Bay is tarnishing - its not real but it has my 'Lijah's name on it & I get to wear it close to my heart. I love touching it.
We need to decorate your little spot my love
Ugggh! I am so mad that the stupid Head Stone Place is closing - NOW when are we gonna get your Marker!!!!
I wanna put your little hand print on it. Daddy agrees that it will be special. We will have to find another company to make you your marker sweet baby of mine! I am so sorry - but daddy & I did order it but we just found out the company closed - I guess they lost their business. That's why every time we go your marker still isn't there.
Kakee thinks of you even when she is at her other house - I know because she told me that the other day she was with her mom and she saw a tiny tree at a Christmas tree lot and thought it would be perfect for your spot. 'Si thinks of you so much too - He tells me he wants to hold you like Moriah. (that hurts) I know you don't know what I am saying - but Mommy just needs to talk to you so bad. 'Siah & Kaykee love you & miss you. They talk about you to me & daddy all the time. Daddy misses you too!
I thought of you so much on Saturday. Kito-Ben was here for the after party with his friends. It made me glad whenever I was walking by them and Corina was holding your picture, your "smart boy" picture! I realized that he does talk about you & it made me feel good to know that he has not forgotten you. We will never forget you. One day I will get one of those necklaces with your "smart boy" pictures on it! I am so proud that YOU ARE OUR "smart boy". If we could sweet boy - Daddy & I would make HUGE pictures of your "smart boy" pictures, FOR EVERY ONE TO SEE!!!!!! We are so very proud that you are our baby! I am missing you right now so much. I am glad you do not see mine & daddy tears. I am crying for you right now. I am missing you with such a deep -deep hurting in my heart. Tia Cindy told me (at the wedding) that Moriah looked like you - Daddy thinks so too & Mema(grandma - my mom) & Ya-ya(beth) do too!!!
Oh ELIJAH, My 'LIJAH!!! Daddy put pretty Christmas lights in your memorial garden and we laughed when he said, " 'Lijah probably says - Daddy your lights are nothing compare to all the beauty & lights in heaven"
Kaykee & 'Si were singing 'come & go with me to my fathers house - A big big house where we can play foot ball...' and Kay realized for the very first time that this song is talking about heaven & NOT church. she thought it was talking about church til 'Siah said "Lijah live in a big yard to play foot -ball for me & daddy to get to heaven - wanna play Leelah(kayla)?" See sweet boy 'Siah thinks of you ALL the time.
Our precious baby boy. I wanted to go to the ocean again for your 6 month anniversary - We told Kito-Bens Corina about it and she said she would like to send up balloons from the golden gate bridge for your 6months. That is a sweet idea... ... Maybe if we can go we will do it. It makes me feel so nice whenever I realized that Kito-Bens Corina knew about you baby!! She is real cute & sweet. I think your bubba ('siah) has a little crush on her :) I know from the way she talks & acts like she would have been at your celebration service & she would have loved you too. She is really nice!
O my little baby boy - I think of 'Shua (Oceana's bubba) & baby Asher & Issac and Little Baby Jacob & Baby Eva every time I look at the pretty puffy clouds up in the sky. We blow bubbles for you & all of them too :)
'Shua is gonna have a new baby sister and Asher & Issac are gonna have new baby brother or sister real soon and baby Eva is gonna have a baby brother. Daddy & I thought you were gonna be a big brother too - on Thanks giving Day- cause Mommy was craving chili with banana nut bread (i was so scared) but it was just mommies monthly symptoms & Tia Berba's(Minn) yummy chili. Maybe some day you will be a big brother but right now mommy & daddy are gonna wait for a bit. We are glad we have time to wait - we were so scared on that day. Mommy & Daddy are trying to look for the perfect Christmas ornament for YOU in case we get a Christmas tree - well we will get you an ornament any ways, but we got an idea from some friends - their oldest little boy hung his 2 brothers monies(pacifiers) on their tree. Daddy & I think that would be real special. I miss you 'Lijah... ... ... ... Mommy & daddy are helping out with the children's Christmas Pageant at church - We will be thinking of you. Tia Cindy will be leaving to Texas for Christmas on Friday. She will come back the day after 'Siah's birthday. Daddy's birthday is next Monday. He will turn 35 years old. WE MISS YOU 'LIJAH ~ love you forever bubba! ~love -u-4ever ~that's what WE say.

MORE THOUGHTS:
~ need ornament ideas
~ mema made 'Lijah a beautiful Christmas wreath!
~ Gonna miss my Cinda at Christmas
~ Miss Bernice
~MISS MY 'LIJAH EVEN MORE!!!
~ I love to blog - it helps me feel better
~ Hope mom comes over tomorrow
~ I wish I knew every time my fam. has thought of 'Lijah
~ Hope Kays not too sick
~ This weekend is her mommys weekend :( gonna miss her!
~ What should I do for Steve's B-day?
~ The JOY of THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH & SONG
~ YOU ARE OUR ROCK & FORTRESS
~ My hubby is my BLESSING!!
~ It was so nice to see Pastor P & Roseanne and the kids at the party today
~ Pastor P was too cute how he rushed the girls out of the way so his little 4 yr old Leah could see my board of bows & he pulls out a $ 20.00 bill and said, "pick any ones you like princess" that was way cute!! for a daddy to do & her momma was like, " wait!!!" l.o.l :)
~ THE AFTER PARTY 'family dance' was FUN!!
~ I loved that Selina was teaching me how to dance
~ She knows her stuff
~ On that note i'm going o bed

weekend over :`)

Sorry - No pic's yet. I begged my two nephews to email them to me this afternoon but the lunch party was WAY BIG & lasted from noon time to evening service, so maybe tomorrow I will ask them again. Selina said she has some. I am gonna ask her see if she can send them to me tomorrow.

Church was good today! The food Ben(not my nephew Kito-Ben. his dad.) made MMMmmmmmm!
We had yummy tacos de carne asada (not wanting to make everyone drool) but
O.M. G - those things were exquisite!!! scrumptious!!! Ben makes them in his DISCO( an outdoor Mexican version of a Wok type fryer) it runs like a gas BBQ grill. Same type of propane tank. The chili salsa that Minn made oooooh my mouth is watering!!!

Ben & Minn live out in the country on a big property in the middle of orchards & vineyards. They have a back yard & a back-back yard. All the kids were playing in the back-back yard while all the men were outside with Ben as he was making the meat for the tacos. I was inside with all the ladies & Kito-Ben & his friends, when suddenly Steve walked in carrying Josiah['Si was crying] and Kake was right behind them and she too was crying - Steve was as white as a ghost and Kayla was crying so bad along with 'Si. We finally found out what happened - they were looking for one of the puppies that had wandered out under one of the trailers. The kids were playing on it and Josiah some how fell off the trailer and his hand got caught under the bar or trailer hitch. HE IS PERFECTLY FINE!!! Praise The Lord!!! He was just really scared. My nephew Roque showed Steve exactly what happened. We washed up his muddied hands and saw that he was fine and would not need to take him to the hospital. Kakee was still crying and very scared - Josiah kept trying to console her, telling her - "I okay sister - I okay! No fry(he can't pronounce his C's) NO FRY sister - I okay".

Kayla later explained to me that she thought that since he fell backwards landing on his head she thought ,"his brain would fall out like 'Lijah's did" Oh it just broke my heart... ... ... (no wonder my sweet girl was crying so badly) Steve & I hugged her and assured her that 'Si was okay and that her scary feelings were normal - She went out to play the rest of the afternoon :) So- did 'Siah.

Moriah slept very well at her 1st "slumber party"!! She must have been tired from all the days activities cause she slept all night long - but woke up SUPER-SUPER hungry at 5:30 a.m

Kake is back home tonight. She was feeling sick - a little bit (probably a bug) Please pray for her and her family not to get sick (the last thing any one needs right now is to catch a flu bug).

Oh I can't wait to get my hands on those wedding pictures!!! Oops I almost forgot Kake named her fish - Sherbet & RHINESTONE, not gem - she laughed at me when I asked if it was gem!!!

Such a long BEAUTIFUL DAY!

1st - Hi Sheena! thanks for your comment. I don't have any pictures right now but I will try to have my nephews send some to my email by tomorrow, okay!

Such a long-long-long day... It was good though!
So, I have to be honest and admit, I hit the snooze button and fell fast asleep til 7:45 a.m when 'Si[who NEVER sleeps past 7:00] walked into our room.

I guess last night Steve & I were so wound up we had a hard time falling asleep. We were tired but just couldn't fall asleep and about 1:00 a.m I heard , "mommy" it was Kay telling me she had a sore throat and a dry stuffy nose. We put some vicks baby menthol in her nostrils and tucked her back in and then, I guess she was wide awake because from then on for about the next 30 minutes the three of us were giggling, talking and carrying on about silly stuff. At 3:00 a.m I heard another, "mommy" it was 'Si. Steve got up and found monie & tucked him back in. I was wide awake, so I decided I might as well take advantage of the time and jumped in the shower. Needless to say, by the time i got out and back into bed. I was out cold whenever the alarm came on at 5:00, so I slept in (accidentally)

I felt horrible. I was supposed to be at moms to help Beth get dressed at 8:00!!! I woke up at 7:45 ( I know, I know how awful of me) NO WE DID NOT MAKE IT ON TIME! no - not even to the wedding!!!
We had the groom with us and he arrived at the church at 10:01 and Beth got there at 10:35.

The wedding was just precious. I carried Moriah in. Cindy & Daniel sang, 'From This Moment' by Shania Somthing... ... oh my goodness - we were all balling (I don't think there was a dry eye in the house). Cindy had to wipe my tears cause I was holding Moriah - She was part of the wedding party (too cute - can't wait to get pic's to post)!!

Wedding was over at 11:30. Reception was very nice. quaint. Simple but lovely. Served finger foods & cake. Cleaned up & came home @ 12:45 rested for about 1 hour and then packed up the bows. We were all a little on the grumpy(tired-grumpy) side for about 20 minutes, while we packed up & drove. The kids were tired & no my little 'Si did NOT get a nap - poor guy.

As soon as we got there the Christmas spirit hit us & we were okay except that IT WAS COLD!!! cold- cold- cold!
It was so cold that only half the regular crowd showed up out there & some street vendors left early because of the cold.

We still haven't really counted how much we sold but I know it wasn't that much - At 5:00 mom packed up & left, We stayed for about 20 minutes more. We were trying to brave the cold & wait to see the actual tree lighting ceremony but it was too cold so we packed up & got ready to go.

Fowler is such a small close knit community and lots of people know us from all the years I lived in Fowler plus all the parents & children who know me from when I worked at the school district. Kayla is known there too - It's like our home town :)

Our booth was right next to my x-neighbor. She said a cheery, "hi Kayla" & Kayla didn't remember her. Kristen had to remind her- she was mommy's neighbor!

We were just about ready to leave when one of the little girls came up to Kayla & offered her two gold fish. *aye!!*
So of course being the little pet lover she is, Kayla squealed with excitement as Samantha's mom asked Steve if she could have them. Seeing Kayla's expression we said okay(reluctantly). None the less we now have two new additions to the Douglas family. She named them, Sherbet & Turquoise, Gem, Onyx, or something like that.

Now we were really getting ready to leave - Steve was actually loading stuff when Kristen comes to her booth with two toddler size bicycles (raffle prizes) a pink one and a blue one. She has a niece but no nephew. YUP! you guessed it!!! She gave it to 'Si !!!! WOW what a BIG day for the kids! Free pictures with Santa ('Sia had to be bribed by Nino Jonathan) & Kayla took three pic's with Santa!!! The fish & the bike - Both kids had a smile that lit up brighter than the tree ceremony!!

We rushed home & cleaned up our messy living room & dining room. Jonathan & Olivia were the first to get here for the 'after party', Then Beth's friend Becca, then finally Beth & Tony arrived with mom & 'Riah. The pizzas arrived - more guests arrived. The music started at about 6:45 p.m and we mingled a little -for about an hour and then the bride and groom had their first dance. It was beautiful. After that it was on - we had our humble but extremely fun family dance. We had all the girls dance first and then the kids joined in and then it the guys started acting silly & joined in. Then Steve took me into the center of our living room and we danced and laughed so hard when he dipped me & every one clapped![Cindy got really good pictures - I will ask her to send them to my email so I can post some]it has been a while since Steve & I danced & had such a wonderfully FUN evening like that (*sigh* BIG- SMILE*) . He and Kayla had a father-daughter dance and she got teary, my precious girl - it was just so precious to see her in her daddy arms all teary. 'Siah was sweet on one of the 19 year old girls (*Aye*) he danced with his nina Cindy - Cindy danced with Kayla & Kayla pulled me out a couple of times to "teach"me how to dance, She said, "come here mom - look- just follow my lead" I am not a dancer but her & Selina were sure having a blast teaching me or most likely laughing at me!! It was so much fun!!! Our house finally started to clear out at about 10:oo and Mom & Moriah are spending the night so Kayla & Steve got their fill of Moriah without 'Si hovering over them.

Mom & 'Ri are sleeping over in Kayla's room (Mr. & Mrs. Dews are celebrating their marriage tonight - no baby!!! & momma is having baby with drawls). Kay is "camping out with 'Si. Moriah fell asleep at 11:00. Kay fell asleep at 11:30 and 'Si fell asleep at 10:50 ( he was so tired).

Oh and we just remembered we have Kito-Ben's 20th birthday celebration after church tomorrow.

I am T.I.R.E.D!!!

Cherishing the moments

I am a very strong believer in cherishing moments. I was thinking about how time just goes so very fast. Kayla got home today and we dashed out the door to go pay the rent and pick up some stuff at the store real quick. Real quick took forever and it was dark by the time we got home.

We got back and changed for the reahersal and out the door again... We practiced walking in, standing, walking out and did this over and over til it was just right. Josiah is not very interested in this ring bearer business.
Practice started at 6:00 and we left at 9:30. We set up , decorated, ate and then our family had to leave. We came home and without any discussion to be had between us & the kids - "camp douglas" was not on the itinarary for this Friday night. THe kids are so involved with all we are doing they didn't seem to mind.

We all walked in the front door and Kayla went straight for the shower. I changed 'Si into his jammies, Steve did some packing and arranging of our sale stuff.

Everything seemed to be functioning just fine. 'Si was looking for his pillow to lie down, Kake is showering, Steve's packing and it hit me... ... ... "CHERISH THE MOMENTS" I knew I had lots to do. I am or should I say we are all so tired. Just then Kake comes out of her shower and I think "cherish the moments-this here and now moment".

I grab a blanket throw it down on the carpet and tell the kids & Steve well we aren't doing "camp douglas" be we can always make time for family cuddles!
So, we all piled in cozy, cozy, comfy, comfy (as 'Si says it) and had the most wonderful cuddle time together. I started singing worship songs to them and every now and then 'Si & Kake would join in and as I rubbed my finger on her forehead; Again, Ithought "cherish these moments". 'Si was holding my face as I sang to them and Kayla cuddled close between us daddy & her were making ~cricket feet~ (it's a thing we all do to eachother when we are laying together. We rub our feet together till we fall asleep).

Kake was facing me and when I winked at her she squeezed my shoulder. We were singing different worship songs to our "precious blessings from heaven". In that very moment Steve & I knew this moment is one our children will cherish forever. We too cherish these moments and we tucked them in and the most precious sight to see is Kake holding 'Si while they sleep.

I had some one write to me and ask me how Kay & 'Si get along. I said they get along like all siblings do, why wouldn't they? They are both my children. My sweet girl just has a first mommy & I am the second.

Lately Josiah has been trying to grasp the concept of why sister has two homes and today he asked her, "tister - you first mommy she say yes? (kake (we) had no idea what he was trying to say) I asked him her mommy say yes for what? and he said, "her first mommy say yes to tister(sister) to she eat candy with me?"
He was asking if her first mommy would let her share one of his candies :)

On this busy day I have been so blessed to take the time to cherich the fleeting moments in our sometimes chaotic life schedules.

We will be at the wedding at 10:00 :) Beth & Tony are so exausted! They just left the church at 11:45 p.m tonight.

I better go sleep for a few hours before we hear that alarm clock at 5:30 a.m

I will try to ask Kito Ben to send me some pic's from the wedding

BUSY DAY!

We sold burritos this morning. It went pretty good! We are not only getting ready for Beth's wedding tomorrow but we also have the Christmas Street Fair we are selling at tomorrow! Our dining table is covered in bows, headbands, barrettes & ribbons and Christmas necklaces & pins too!

I have slacks & dress shirts to iron ties & socks to match that's all the guy stuff. Not to mention me & Kake our hair, shoes bla bla bla everything else. Afterwards we are hosting an after party here at our house - Our house doesn't even look like we are expecting to have guests tomorrow we have clothes hanging across the dining & living rooms and I already mentioned the table. My kitchen still looks like a burrito manufacturing place; AND YES EVERYTHING IS TOMORROW!!!! YIKES!!!!
Here is how it will[should] go:
TODAY - Steve & 'Si pick up Kake from school
Kake home
Me & Kake run errands (*real super quick)
Come back get dressed
Go to rehearsal
Decorate/ Set up Church
Come home CLEAN HOUSE
Kids to bed ('Si at least)
Get clothes ready
finish & pack up Street fair craft stuff
sleep (I HOPE)
TOMORROW
wake up get dressed
walk out clean, dressed & happy!! (PLEASE PRAY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN) l.o.l
get to church @ 9:00 a.m
watch my baby sister get married :) @ 10:00 a.m
have fun at 1st reception
clean up come home change and pack up
go to street fair at 2:00 p.m
sell from 2:30 - 6:00 p.m
clean up, pack up come home
6:30 Welcome guests to my(should be clean) house for an after wedding reception dinner party

SUNDAY wake up and go to church (probably all very tired)
*CAN I PLEASE RUN AWAY?!?!?*

'SI & 'Ri

Kick'n Cousins Awwww! we love each other
Mom came over this afternoon. She took this picture of 'Siah playing HIS drums :) (2 tambourines, a can- YES A CAN and a play drum. The mess in the back ground is where he was taking a nap at until Moriah woke him up by laying next to him. HE loved that!!! He was smiling from ear to ear. I think Beth got some pictures of that. Our burrito sale went pretty good! We are still under the gun and pressing for time but we are holding on!
Thanks so much for your kind thoughts, comments and prayers. We appreciate it so much! Steve has been out back in 'Lijah's garden all after noon it is Soooooooo coldy cold! Okay so California cold is nothing to be compared to New York, Colorado or Other cold States but for me it's bbbrrrrrr! coldy cold.

just noticed...

I just noticed, a prayer request posted . He is in "FULL CLEAN MODE"... ... ...
That is how he deals with stuff and while I enjoy a clean house, I do not enjoy watching my sweet heart worry like this. It is 11:30 p.m. we got home from bible study and found some 'not good news' on our front door. He has managed to clean my kitchen spotless, clean the bathroom, he is washing and hanging, cleaned our bedroom and I am not sure what else is clean!

I just heard our front door open- it is so cold outside and he just stepped out onto our front porch.

Dear Lord, I pray that YOU give Steve the courage that he needs right now. We trust you will see us through. You are our Faithful Provider.

So, these thoughts keep racing through my mind... ... ...
-Are we being punished?
-I'm tired!
-Why?
-When will this drought/curse/ punishment end?
-People must be tired of praying for us or hearing us ask for prayer.
- I hope I can sell a lot of breakfast burritos tomorrow.
-I hope we get a lot of orders for Christmas tamales.
- I don't want mom to worry.
-Thank God for Blogging (*sigh)
- The bibles promises are true.
-So what are You trying to teach us God?
- Show me how to fix what I have done wrong.
- I am sorry!
- I love you Lord!
- Miss you 'Lijah
-Beth's wedding is at such a hard financial time for us right now.
- I'm glad she is happy
-Tony is sweet
-Moriah is precious
- Steve is taking out trash from where? I do not know!
- YOU ARE MY ROCK & MY FORTRESS!
- I wish I could sleep 'no worries'
- Miss Kay
- It's cold
-Don't want people who read this to pitty us
- What else do I do?
- I LIFT MY EYES TO THE HILLS. FROM WHERE DOES MY HELP COME FROM? MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD
- how much longer?
- when this is passed, what will we have learned?
- God is in control.
-It's CHRISTMAS season...
- Don't cry!
- Can't cry...
- MOLD ME & MAKE ME 'THIS IS WHAT I PRAY'
- Josiah is precious.
- HOPE!
- WHY?
- OTHERS
- I wish I could laugh.
- we need a miracle!
- do we?
- TEACH me the lesson Lord!
- learn it Marie!!!
- learn what?!?!
- how?
- what is it that I have done wrong?
- Steve just came into the kitchen - he is at the sink
- I wanna throw up
- God
- where are we?
- I know you are faithful & constant in our lives, so then where are we?
- I feel sick
-I need to trust
-I need to relax
- I can't
- tomorrow is a brand new day
- why can't i find a job?
- why can't Steve find a job?
- we need jobs!
- Ugggggh!
- I'm mad!!!!!!!!!!!
-I have a head ache!
- Galatians says 'whatever things are good, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are praise worthy, whatever things are noble, whatever things are of good report think on these things!
- AMEN!!!
- some how that feels better 'anxiety that was building up tight on my neck and shoulders is going away :)
- I want us to sleep in peace tonight
- oh yeah - I just gave some one the verse that says ' He will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is stayed on thee'
- Steve just walked out to the back door
- Molly is sweet :)
- Our class we taught tonight; was good!
- Love to hear Josiah say "thank you Jesus!" (all excited and his face all smiles) I love to hear that!
- Steve just came back in
- We serve a BIG GOD!
- Jesus loves me (AND YOU TOO!!!)
- headache going away
- love my new friends from the blog
- Lord please saturate Steve with your perfect peace. Let your presence rest upon him. Your word says 'your burden is light' give him rest. Sustain him, Strengthen Him, encourage him like only You can do! Please give us both a good night of rest as we trust in you.
- Need to do something
- Have no energy
- "THANK YOU JESUS!" (said it just like 'Si does) :) 3x :)
- Heavenly Father, I thank you for all that you are in our lives. I praise your name for you are a GREAT GOD!
Thank you for every blessing you pour out! Thank you for every door that shuts and every door that opens. Thank you for YOUR perfect peace! WE are troubled but YOU are HERE with us. You are in our midst. I can feel the PEACE raining down. My husband loves you- trusts you- believes in you and depends on your strength! I thank you for him in my life and because he is a wonderful dad. He is a hard worker and most of all because we have each other. I thank you because when we got the 'bad' news - He took me into our room and we prayed together. You are an excellent God and all you do is praiseworthy. I know you will see us through. Forgive my anxious thoughts. Bless those who are in need of you - that they might receive your perfect peace.
- Steve is back in the kitchen. washing something else
- He just hugged me :) 'told me he loves me'
- He just walked back out.
- i am soooooooooooooooo tired.
- I hope Steve comes to bed tonight.
- He never sleeps when he is stressed
- Tomorrow is a brand new day
- CASTING ALL my ANXIETIES ON YOU
- I'm tired
- Don't wanna ruin Beth's wedding
- Don't want mom to worry
- WHAT EVER THINGS ARE LOVELY... THINK ON THESE THINGS!!!!
- i'm tired
- its 12:32
- I've been blogging for an entire hour!
- done!

TRUSTING

our faith is being tried. HE WILL SEE US THROUGH!
please pray for our financial situation. our nations economy is bad for everyone and there are no jobs for my wife and I.
steve

NEW BLOGGER

Well, Beth came over and she is totally freaking out about her wedding Saturday. She had a long , long, long day of last minute shopping & errands for the wedding + Moriah to deal with today; not to mention Tony.
*Ahhh* I remember & it is so nice to remember the stress vs. going through it - because I am sure many of you can agree with me that remembering is so sweet because we just highlight the sweet memories of all the wedding prep.

Our wedding was HUGE we had like 500 guests. We had a wedding party of 22 +2 flower girls, a ring bearer and a children's court of 5(i think 5, can't remember off hand) but it was HUGE. after the wedding we had a second dinner reception at the coast. WE WERE SO EXHAUSTED!!!

Beth's wedding is small and there is still so much to do. She is stressing bad - enjoying it but stressing. Cindy & Josh have really been a HUGE help to Beth.

ANYWAYS I INVITE YOU TO VISIT HER BLOG & LEAVE HER A WELL WISH COMMENT. I know she will really enjoy it. she is on my side bar under friends along the journey or just click here :~)
PLEASE KEEP HER, TONY & MORIAH in your prayers as they embark on this new path of life together.
http://wedewsdo.blogspot.com

MORE MORIAH PIC'S

SHE LOOKS SO CUTE WHEN SHE LAUGHS!!

SHE IS SHOWING OFF THE BIG BOW/HEADBAND I MADE FOR HER

Confessions

So, I've shared about how I am married to Sgt. Clean, right? well did I tell you our children take after him!!!
Today is Tuesday and I must confess; 'camp douglas' was still up - I know... I know... Kayla has been gone since Sunday night, I know but yesterday - I just didn't get around to putting her mattress back in her room. This morning Steve was watching the morning news. Josiah stood up and said, "Daddy the sala(living room) is in a mess". Steve just giggled and asked Josiah, "what?" and Josiah replied, "daddy we need to clean up - to take Kayla's bed back".

Frank came to pick up Steve to finish the wood chopping and as soon as he walked out the door, Josiah started pulling out the vacuum cleaner and he said, "mommy lets clean"

HE LOOKS SO CUTE VACUUMING!! he is so motivated to clean just like is daddy & sister :~)

My sala is now clean & vacuumed because my [almost] 3 year old gave me my [cleaning] orders. I am cleaning the kitchen now & he is vacuuming his room.

*Ugggh* & I thought I would have another lazy day - NOT!!!

Steve will be home in an hour and I will be ready to relax in a clean house
THANKS TO MY SWEET BOY!!!

DENSE FOG!!!

This morning Josiah & I were on our way to an appointment. There was a dense fog advisory it was zero visibility. We were in traffic when I looked in my rear view mirror and then within seconds heard the screeching tires and then felt the BIG "BOOM"

We were rear ended. It was a young kid in his teens, I think he said he was 17 and had just gotten his licence. Thank God 'Si & I are okay and so is the young kid.

Steve went to help a man from church chop some wood, so he still doesn't know!

The car isn't bad either but Josiah can sure make all the sound effects and dramatizations of what happened. He called my mom and told her everything he even told her where we we were going too!

I think the kid wasn't watching where he was going cause he was driving much too fast. I could see he was comming real fast and I couldn't move out or I would have hit on comming traffic.

Moriah is 1 month old now

My mom emailed me this picture of her. She was napping so good - they could'nt wake her up! She was 2 hours passed her feeding & still not motivated to wake up.

One week from today...

In one week my Beth will be getting married. This was supposed to be a small event but as we all know weddings always get bigger & bigger.

So, today Beth went to pick up her wedding dress! We had so much fun. Kake went on a movie date with Tia Berba(Minn) & Maddie. We came back and then Cindy took me to buy me something to wear for the wedding - we are Beths 3 bridesmaids. Of course our day was filled with humor because Cindy was saying jokes about her still not being married YET!! Cindy is like a man on a mission whenever it comes to stuff like this - there is no stopping her!! She is like a... ... okay I better stop now, but I am serious we laughed so hard my chest started to hurt from laughing at ourselves so much. We had a name for almost every piece of clothing we tried on. There was 'bubbles', 'granny', 'balloon', 'barney' and others too! Of course we did not bring any of those home for us to wear! Geeze I just can't figure out why those darn dresses don't look like they do on the models?!?!
*HA! HA! HA!* (stinky dresses whats wrong with them, oh wait maybe it's the mirrors) RIGHT!!!!
Oh well I may not have a models figure but I had a wonderfully fun day & I needed a day like this it was sooooooooo much fun.
I had a great day and so did my kiddo's & daddy too!!!
Steve said -"I've been trying to get you to go out with Cindy for a long time!!!
I had fun!
I better go now cause I have to be sure to get 'Si's tie ready for church tomorrow - Oh I saw the cutest little suits when we were out today, I didn't know they made them in their sizes!! (too cute) I wanted Kake to go with us but of course she chose movies with maddie :~)

Wooo Whoo!!

... And the indoor clothes line worked!!! NOW, are living room looks like a real authentic camping spot. Darn, all we need are the smores. Oh well maybe we can get some for next weekend. YOU should see this -
our dining room and living room adorned with zig zag lines of hanging clothes. Kake called it "The line of happy pants". She's so silly!!

(WOW! I guess I am, becoming an easy to please woman l.o.l!!!!!!!!!!!!)
You should have seen me... I was so excited when Steve finished it.
The kids & I clapped and cheered "YAEY! DADDY - YOU DID IT! YOU'RE THE BEST"

Steve, Kake & I all hung clothes on the line and then, daddy pulled out Kake's mattress and "camp Douglas" was a roaring rumble of fun!!! We ate 'Si's famous oatmeal biscuits and cold milk! (YUMMY- wish I knew how much of everything he added) We watched the 8 O' clock cartoon an ABC 'The Polar Express' ('Si LOVED IT-he was entranced)

We were almost tempted to make a switch off on the sleeping arrangements at camp douglas - but , I think we will keep it as usual. We talked of doing a boys - girls -separate but we were voted down!!

At dinner, Kay asked me if in heaven we are gonna look the same as we do now. She asked how 'Lijah is gonna know we are there. She asked if she will have her own mansion. We answered each question with scripture. She loved the 'having a crown' part of the bible :~) 'Si's favorite part was the no sleep/tired part and the happy parties! We all broke out in loud laughter whenever Josiah yelled out, "Man, 'Lijah a brat" (huge smile)

*** SHhHhhh please don't tell... I think I might bail out on camp douglas tonight (p.m.s) UgggGh!
I know T.M.I :~)

TGIF! Kay's home for the weekend

We woke up this morning and did laundry (forecast said sunny - not true) my clothes is still soggy on the lines.
Picked up Kake at 1:30 this afternoon.

She and Steve worked all afternoon putting up Christmas lights and decorations in the yard. Josiah napped and I sneaked in a tiny cat nap too :~)

We are enjoying a nice family evening. Kay & 'Si are in our bedroom, watching T.V

Steve is working on making me an indoor clothesline!!! so glad, warm DRY clothes :~)

Kay is already singing " Family- Fun- Friday Camp - out tonight"

So I guess it's camp out night again :)

My Thanksgiving day (we are back home now)

It is 7:45. My precious 'Si is fast asleep on the couch (he skipped nap time today). Daddy is out in the yard putting up Christmas lights (yes! in the dark - he's crazy like that). I just finished cleaning up the kitchen from my baking this morning.

My day started out nice. Steve took 'Si to the annual Church Turkey bowl. They were both dressed in grey sweats and their matching Raiders Jersey. This will probably be the last time 'Si gets to wear his. It is too small. We got it as a gift for his baby shower and he finally sorta fit into it at 1 yr. old and wore it last year too. I think next season it will not fit any more!

I stayed home . I enjoyed a nice long hot shower; worship playing in the background. I got out put on some comfies, dried my hair, read my bible, prayed, blogged and started my baking. I baked bananana nut bread and zuccini bread (missed my Kake). The house was so quiet. This is the first time 'Si has gone to the Turkey Bowl without me Such a treat!!!.

I was just starting the oatmeal chocolate nut cookies when Daddy & 'Si walked through the front door. Yes, you better believe 'Si washed up and hopped onto a chair to "help" me bake. Steve had jumped in the shower and I went into the kitchen to pull loaves out of the oven and whenI returned to the dining table. Josiah was covered in flour, the cookie batter was floating in melted butter and a fresh white glistening lump of sugar.
*Aaaaagh!!!* I tried to see what all he had added to the mix but there was no way of knowing what all was in there. - Oh well, we baked them any ways we ended up with OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHIP NUT BISQUITS rather than oatmeal cookies. L.O.L!!!

Then I let HIM(all by himself) make peanut butter cookies (so wish we had at least a camera phone to show you all his YUMMY peanut butter cookies!! They were a hit!!!

I finished baking got dressed and went over to Ben & Minn's. We have a tradition of taking turns saying what we are thankful for. When it was Josiah's turn he was the first to mention 'Lijah. He said, "I- I - Um- I thankful for my 'lijah". WE ALL got choked up! I smiled at him and said," yeah baby me too, I'm thankful for 'Lijah too!"

I was doing good and then all of the sudden I started feeling anxious. I couldn't concentrate and I felt out of place. Steve & Josiah were outside with all the boys playing horse shoes. I felt as if I had nothing to say to mom, Cindy or my sisters. I was so uncomfortable. Steve & I drove to Parlier to the cemetery to take the wreath I had made.

We sat on the grass quietly, for a very long time. It started getting dark and very cold. The sky was beautifully grey and cloudy. I began to feel so tired. Like I finally let out a big sigh! We walked over to my grandparents grave and my uncles and aunt's as well (they are just a few rows away). We also went to Mr. Lincoln's grave (Ben's dad - Beth nicknamed him Lincoln) His grave is just across from 'Lijah's.

We went back to Ben's to pick up Josiah. Jonathan was there now. We were emotionally tired and ready to go home but we went in and visited for a bit. Cindy left and Christine was there too. Her hug was so warm and comforting.(sweet friend)!!

We packed up 'Si's things and my dishes plus a yummy take -home of all the left overs. We said our good-byes and called it a day!

It was a good day - difficult and emotional but GOOD! BLESSED! with Love, longing, Pain , Peace, Comfort, Strength &Hope!!!

Seasons

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Today is a brand new day. A day that I CHOOSE TO delight myself in. TO think on the things which I have been blessed with. I am thankful because, In Psalms I read that " His mercies are new every day".

I cannot turn back the hands of time. We cannot stay in one season forever. Seasons change. & Everything has a time and a purpose.

I spent yesterday, mourning and grieving the fact that I miss Elijah terribly. At the end of the day I read the blog of : BABY JACOB(on my side bar). After spending the evening alone with Steve watching videos, pictures and remembering. I realized that It was time for me to stand up again!

I went to the Lord in prayer read my bible and was encouraged and reminded by the Holy Spirit, "THAT, everything has a season ans a purpose"

I had watched the video of Elijah's Funeral service. Pastor preached on living a life of purpose and fulfilling your purpose. Elijah did!

I need to see the season I am in and know that I have been chosen for this! The bible says, "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME"

I, have always known my God; intimately in EVERY season of my life!

WE are not saying we will not still have sad days and moments of weeping, but for today; "THIS IS THE DAY I CHOOSE TO SAY 'BLESSED BE YOUR NAME- YOU GIVE AND TAKE AWAY, MY HEART WILL CHOOSE TO SAY, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME"

Steve & I are so thankful that we have been blessed with very dear and treasured friends through this season of our lives. Our prayer is that in some way we can blog our lives in a manner which in some way might bless you!

I am thankful for my children. ALL of them. My precious beautiful daughter born, not to me but in my heart. My first born son and for 9 months plus 25and 1/2 hours with Elijah Nathaniel Douglas. I am thankful for the HOPE AND ASSURANCE of heaven and that 'sweet, sweet someday!'

Miss You 'Lijah, My heart misses you so deep, but My heart is also at peace. I am so happy to be your mommy. I miss your sweet face. I miss holding your precious little body in my arms; BUT most of all, 'Lijah I am very, very happy in my heart because I know I did my best for you. I read you the bible every day, since I knew you were inside of me. I sang worship songs to you. WE sang worship songs together when you were inside of me and when you were in my arms too! 'Lijah I remember talking to you and Josiah about heaven together. We still talk about heaven. Kay & 'Si think about you & what it must be like in heaven. I remember when you were leaving to your beautiful new mansion in heaven, I whispered in your ears that you would see beautiful streets of gold, rivers of crystal, foundations of precious stones, A tree of Life . MOST OF all I whispered in your ear that you were gonna love to be in the presence of GOD forever and ever. I whispered into your ear that WE would all be comming there too, someday. We can't hardley wait sweet boy, to be in the presence of GOD forever together.

See you soon swet boy!

Love you so so much,

Mommy

NOT TODAY

We brought home everything from the cemetery last Saturday because it was mowing day. Last night I made a beautiful lush fall foliage wreath with a huge gold bow.

This morning we went into Fowler (Marshall School) then to Parlier(cemetery & mom's house)

Steve asked if I wanted to go to the cemetery first or moms first. F.Y.I -It would make more sense to go to the cemetery first because we were coming from Adams Avenue. The cemetery is BEFORE mom's from Adams Ave.

I said, "mom's house." Steve was surprised. He drove right passed the cemetery and kept looking towards 'Lijah's spot. We got to mom's & I took the wreath in to show her. We stayed for lunch and then I said, "lets go home now". We packed up 'Si & buckled him. We sat quietly for a minute and Steve asked, "Are we gonna go?" "Ummmm... not today", I said. "okay"he said & we drove home.

I couldn't do it - I don't know why. I just couldn't do it... ~not today~
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Yeah, it is a bit of a bum deal for Holiday Scheduling. For BOTH families. Mostly for my Kake though, she always feels like she is missing out. Steve is missing her alot today he keeps wondering what she is doing. I still haven't made that bread we were gonna make either. I will though, I have to - It is what I'm taking to Ben & Minn's for Thanksgiving.

Cindy's gonna go to Texas for Christmas. She came over last night. It was fun! we laughed and talked & laughed some more. I got the courage to tell her I was feeling panicky about her not being here for Christmas. (we will be okay :~)
She is also gonna miss Josiah's 3rd birthday on December 27th. IT will be a very small cake celebration at home I am sure!

My heart is some what heavy today, I want so much for Elijah to be with me for Thanksgiving. Last year at Thanksgiving I had just found out we were having a baby & I was so excited to be pregnant for the Holiday's KNOWING that by Holidays 2008 I would have a chubby 5 almost 6 month old to feed mashed potatoes to and we would be loaded down with walker, high chair, sippy cup. ~ not today~

Thanksgiving week

Well... we were mistaken on our holiday dates. Kayla will not be with us this year. We some how forgot that she was with us last year. We were very happy thinking & planning the week out and last night we realized it is her mommy's holiday.

This morning we made breakfast and then just hung out for a bit- before taking her back.

I was bummed out & I could tell Steve was too. Then, I remembered yesterday's sermon at church; about being thankful for what we DO have.

I heard Steve in Kay's room and could here him telling her, "he loved her and was so "thankful for her" I went in and they were cuddling on her bed together. She had a new blouse she had gotten for Thanksgiving day, we had her pack it in her bag & hope she will be able to wear it!

WE WILL GIVE THANKS FOR ALL WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN AND FOR THE BLESSING WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN WITH THE LIFE, BIRTH & DEATH OF ELIJAH
*we will be holding on to all the positive thoughts & prayers*
STEVE & I WOULD LIKE TO SAY; "WE ARE THANKFUL FOR YOU!!!"

WEEKEND! WEEKEND! WEEKEND!

Our sweetheart is home!!! We camped out at "Camp Douglas" again.
Today is Saturday and we woke up early to go serve at the Thanksgiving Feeding.
We got home and are getting ready for a birthday party for Samantha (Kayla's friend from church)

MORE LATER :)
A thought...
Economy Bad - GOD GOOD! - FAMILY GREAT - KAKIE HOME, DELIGHTFUL!!!

gotta go I have to munchinks to dress plus we are picking up Maddie & Julie too!
Josiah will be surrounded by girls! girls! girls! (whata guy)

Father Glorify Your Name

Steve is going through his grieving time. Yesterday, Josiah & I went over to moms. I am making bows, ribbons, clips and headbands to sell.(Praying no one snag that idea- I was gonna start selling b-fast & lunch burritos at the school I used to work at and some one beat me to it) We had a craft making day at moms & Josiah enjoyed cuddling with Moriah.

We came home in time for dinner and mom & Beth came over. Steve talked with mom a little bit. Mostly he was very quiet.

This morning I was dressing Josiah and we were saying out morning prayers. I had already spend a great part of early morning prayers, asking God for strength & courage. I prayed for others who need to know Jesus too. I prayed for the people who are worse off then us. Mostly I prayed for courage & strength for today.

Putting my brave foot forward, I told Josiah it was time for morning prayers.
"Oh Jesus please let my 'Lijah come back today", he said.

I was fighting back the tears and I explained, " 'Lijah can't come back bubba". "Why?" he asked.
"because he is with Jesus and he is waiting for us all to go see him in heaven". "we go right now, momma?" "no sweetheart, not today but soon, when Jesus blows the trumpet and he will come to take us all together, to live with ' Lijah" (MORE DISCUSSION TO HEART WRENCHING TO WRITE)... ...

I couldn't bare it any longer. Finally I was able to distract him!!
I set him up on the table with a bowl of cereal and ran to my desk! Wishing I had a good devotional - desperate for something uplifting to my soul. I went online searched devotionals - nothing. I looked up verses. My bible sitting right next to the computer and I thought, "Lord give me a word! My tears rolling down my face. Knowing full well that Steve too is crying in the room. We are both hurting for our pain, but also hurting because our little boy is missing his brother. Oh the stinging pain can sometimes be so overwhelming.

I grab my bible and begin flipping through the pages, desperately seeking COURAGE, STRENGTH, HOPE FOR TODAY, FAITH TO KEEP GOING.

I have lots of verses coming to my mind as I am flipping through the pages
2 Corinthians 12:9 Jesus said "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 4:8 Apostle Paul said " We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

John 12:27 Jesus is talking to the disciples before he is crucified "Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it is for this very reason I came to this hour. "Father, glorify your name!"

Jesus heart was also heavy, troubled. He was feeling the load upon his earthly body. He took comfort in The Father being glorified in that very time.

Steve & I have a troubled heart. But our Heavenly Father shall be glorified in this hour. Steve whispered into my ear on Feb. 13th "Blessed be The Name of The Lord, He gives and takes away. Our hearts will choose to bless His Name"

When we talked on the way home that night, holding each others hands tightly we said, "God has a reason and a divine plan".

Several times we have spoken saying, "We will bless your name! We Choose to trust your divine plan." The days have gotten harder at times and financial troubles have also played into this time. As I read His TRUTHS I must believe "Father, glorify your name". He will be glorified in this time.

Our hearts are troubled BUT I AM CERTAIN THAT "His divine plan will unfold in our lives and He will be glorified in our daily trials of missing Elijah and hurting for our Kay & 'Si missing their brother; Through our financial stresses. HE IS ON THE THRONE & WE WILL SERVE HIM AS BEST WE CAN SO THAT HE WILL BE GLORIFIED IN THIS TIME

Thank you all for your prayers... we are really needing them and being uplifted by them. Your comments have also uplifted my heart. We will continue on because of Christ in us.

I better get going I have house work, school time and then We go get our Kakie girl :)