BLESSED, CHRISTMAS!!!

We had a wonderful Christmas!!! I have been trying to post pictures of Christmas morning at the Douglas home, but our computer is not wanting to cooperate with the camera!!!

We picked K up at 9:30 in the morning we got back home at 10:00 and the kids walked in to see a Christmas tree full of presents!! A TRUE BLESSING!!!!
(I will try-again to post some WONDERFUL PICS OF OUR DAY later tonight)

BUT FOR NOW I NEED TO SHARE MY HEART...

My heart & Steve's too, I am sure is just so happy and sad at the very same time. Seems like for the past year we have been going through this sort of bitter sweet roller coaster of emotions.
[We are pretty tired, emotionally]

Tomorrow is December 27th, 2008. It is a BIG day for all of us. Josiah will be turning 3!!!! so as the evening rolled in. Steve & I both became very sensative. After a few hours of intense emotions, We both realized what we were facing...

Josiah's birthday is A WONDERFULL & EXCITING TIME for all of us! HE was born premature. Weighed a mere 4 lbs. and measured only 17 inches long. We are so greatful for these three amazing years we have had with our son & I guess that is why tonight we can not help but think and ask, "WHY? IF ONLY!!" Josiah too had to overcome numerous struggles. We had to take him from my house to Valley Childrens Hospital on his 4th day of life becasue we discovered he was suffering from a very rare & undiagnosable seizure disorder. His first year and a half of life we spent a great number of days & even weeks at a time in the hospital.

God saw fit to heal him even after we recieved the diagnoses stating he had mild CP. I remember how sad we were & now that I know a deeper sadness I just only wish my 'Lijah could have stayed.

See as we celebrate the life of our first born. [HE IS SO VERY EXCITED ABOUT HIS BIRFDAY] he is singing songs about birfdays and telling us how he thinks his birfday will be tomorrow. He has been telling EVERY PERSON who calls our house, "TOMORROW IS MY BIRFDAY, TOMORROW I FREE(the F is how he pronounces all his th sounds) WE see what we WILL NEVER HAVE WITH 'LIJAH!!!

God chose to NOT heal his brain. AND I HAVE TO BE CONTENT. becasue even if I weren't, I would only bring upon my heart deeper sorrow which would produce bitterness. SO I HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD FOR EVERY GOOD & PERFECT GIFT!! BECAUSE EVERYTHING HE DOES IS EXCELLENT & PRAISE WORTHY!!! (i may not see it very clear from time to time - but the TRUTH of eternity ALWAYS SHINES THROUGH)
Tonight though... ... the view is a bit clouded!!!

BUT MY HEART IS SO JOYFUL TO HAVE 'Siah climbing all over me!!! Excited about his birfday!!! During this Christmas season he has mastered the art of seeing an add in the paper and then asking, I WANT IT!!!!! HE doesn't throw a fit - HE must still just think asking for it is all you do. because after he tells us what he wants then he will turn the paper and show us another toy!!!

He is so adorable!!!! A TRUE JOY TO MY LIFE!! HE MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN I AM SAD!!!