It's getting closer

it's getting closer to my sweet Elijah's 1 year!!

We have had to keep moving forward... somthing that felt so impossible;
just happened - TIME has passed.

This weekend we were at the hospital with my Father in law. He had a stroke. As we walked around the hospital in and out of the elevators and back & forth to the cafeteria, Kayla kept holding my hand and as we would pass a certain spot she would give my hand a squeeze and whisper, "mommy, thats where we sat when 'Lijah was born" or Mom - this is what I ate when 'Lijah... went to heaven" or " mommy we took this elevator up to see you riht before 'Lijah was born and we were in a big hurry; but except you & daddy weren't with us"

My sweetheart. She is so worried about her Papa.

Still can't decide what we are going to do for 'Lijah's heaven day...

MONTHLY

I'm feeling VERY 'hormonaly,womanly, roaringly moody'
I feel like I just wanna cry.
My mom is undergoing some medical tests she has been very sick for a few weeks. Medical testing scheduled for Friday morning (pray for her).

I DON'T WANNA BE A GROUCH! I would really covet your prayers.
"MY ADORABLE CHILDREN & HUBBY WOULD TOO" (I am certain of that)

If any one knows of some good anti-, bloating cramping mood rememdy PLEASE FEEL FREE TO drop me a line :)

Kay & 'Si are having a blast at home. Seem's Steve has turned our house into 'DADDY FUN CAMP' :)
(Beth's girls are over for a few days)
I gotta remember to brign the camera to post pic's

I LOVE IT !!

I love the new look on my 'Lijah's blog :)
thanks for all your work Lyndsay
So I gotta share my new love & passion for turtles:
(I had been dealing with a tugging in my heart for turtles since Oct or Nov)
I had no idea why just that every time I saw a little turtle picture, figurine, etc. I felt a fuzzy warm feeling in my heart about Elijah. The only thing I could put together was how passive our 'Lijah was.

Well, just last week I read a beautiful article about sea turtles... how the momma's swim against the curents and waves to get onto the shore to work feverishly to make a nest where their baby turtles can be born. Once the baby turtles are born they must take a chance to get back into the safety of the ocean, passing the dangers that lurk on their journey ie. crabs, people, birds of many types. At the end of the article it says how once at the bottom of the ocean they have reached thier eternity.

Our 'Lijah reached his eternity :)

I had never read such an amazing article but it sure touched my heart, in such a beautiful way.

AGAIN THANKS LYNDSAY for fixing up my page :)

BLOG QUESTION

okay so I did a little researching and I was trying to give our blog a face lift(make over) you might say- SO I did what I remember some one telling me a while back.... I went to cutest blog on the block. I CAN'T figure out how it works. I typed the words
cutest blog on the block.com and it takes me to this purple flashing stars page, then there is a window that says click here to start, so I clicked. It asked me to register and then all these wierd questions came up about personalizing my computer tool bar and adds for google.

Steve & I are trying to get it to look a bit more colorful, chappier and ready for 'Lijah's 1st birthday. So On cutest blog on the block it says you can customize and add pictures so we have tried it several different times to see if we don't get that message but it still does

Is that what you all went through to make your blog look so cute?

REFRESHING - FRIENDSHIPS!!!

Last night, after Ladies Prayer; I drove up to find my two guys outside under the beautiful breezy night watering our front lawn. We all sat on the porch for just a minute then Josiah said he was tired(he had a long day-no nap).

Steve continued his gardening (moonlight gardening- he loves to do that!!!)

After showering and getting ready for bed. I was so relaxed, I sat on the couch and did some journaling :)

After a few pages, I climed into bed [with the phone!] I got all cozy and called Cindy. We talked and talked and talked for hours (just like old times). At one point Steve came in and just smiled as he walked right back out(he heard me laughing all the way outside).

We ended up staying on the phone til a bit past mid-night!!!(thats late for me)!!!

talking to her was so refreshing. Don't get me wrong we still see eachother at every church service. But we hadn't talked like that for a very long time!!! IT WAS SO GOOD :)

Chris (Cindy's son) is getting so big now. He has his own car. drivers liscence. I know that if he read this he'd probably get all shy cause he's a "cool" kinda kid.. I mean "GUY"! but I remember when he'd sleep between me & Cindy when he was 5 years old & they would spen the night. I remember when we had to make up math problems to entertain him (YES HE's 'SMART TOO') Poor kid talk about being exposed to real "girl drama" at such a young age. He would sit in the back seat as we would drive around and talk " ABOUT GUY DRAMA" and Cindy would "always tell him "you better not ever do 'that to a girl' ('that' being whatever one of us had just experienced with heartbreaker) I remember when we all still called him CRIFFER not much these days - He's all grown up now. But he's a good boy :) very polite, very sweet, playes guitar, hes' on the worship team and he sings in a band too.

He has grown up so much and he has shown so much care towards our family these past two years. I was thinking about how whenever we found out about Elijah he came with Cindy in the middle of the night to just sit with us.

I am sure Proud to have him as my friend/"nephew" :)

So thats what has been on my mind this morning; because of SUCH a refreshingly fun conversation last night.

I say it's time we go for another on eof those drives except this time Criffer will be the driver!! YIKES and I'm the one in the back seat losing my teeth!!! l.o.l
[He lost his 1st tooth in the back seat of our car while driving home from taco bell]!!!

I feel so much PEACE

11 months...

My sweet 'Lijah was in my arms 11 months ago today at exactly this very moment. Mom called me this morning to see how I was feeling. She was thinkinf of our sweet 'Lijah.

I was sick all weekend with the flu & did not come to work yesturday.

Friday evening was quite eventful as far as "blessings" go.

A few months back I had written that my cousins baby had passed away. We ended up NOT going to the services... (long story short)

It was during that week, that we came in contact with The funeral director who handled our 'Lijah's funeral. During our brief conversation(remember the horrible incident with his secretary!) Our conversation that day was brief, but one of the first things He mentioned was that his secretary was no longer working at his funeral chapel and that she infact had moved out of State. (skipping forward)

Remember the people who took the deposit on 'Lijah's head stone went bankrupt. So my sweet boy still has no head stone/marker!!! [frustrating]

(skipping forward) We are comming up on our baby's 1st birthday! No head stone!!! I was having a SUPER hard time with that!! I remembered We had started a file for his stone with Brian so I called him (SKIPPING FORWARD)

Friday We met with Brian and He is giving us the best birthday present for our 'Lijah!!!!
His head stone is being made for us FREE OF CHARGE!!!!!

Oh I miss my baby boy! I can't explain the HUGE VOID in my heart and the emptiness in my arms! 11 months have passed since I held your soft warm body in my arms. I never got to see you roll over, cut your first tooth, sit up or hold your arms out to me!

But I am so glad Kayla & 'Siah got to hold you! even if I was too groggy to remember to take a family picture we all do have at least one picture with you.

Friday night 'Siah was talking about your house in heaven. We read the book "mommy please don't cry" His favorite page was the one where the story says their is lots of party's with the best chocolate cake ever!

Josiah wants us to have a birthday cake for you!!! I wish you were here sweetness!
I am glad to know that even if we are not together for your 1st birthday at least I know your not all alone!!! & I am comforted to know that heaven is a wonderful place.

Mommy's boss gave me your birthday & your heaven day off as holiday!! & we intend to spend it together with family & CELEBRATE YOU in our lives!!

Boys will be boys!!

Here is a little story of what I just realized I will NEVER have to worry about with Elijah.
I was e-mailing a friend who had asked about how Josiah is doing. Here is a bit of that e-mail:

seems Josiah might be going through the terrible 2's AGAIN or still or in SLOW MOTION or something or maybey its just a boy thing! I don't know but some of the things he says and does OH MY GOSH it's driving us CRAZY!! last night he was playing with his Thomas trains and one of the tracks did'nt want to connect right to the other and he said, "BOKEN RABBIT!" and I said, what and he looked at me and said, "BOKEN RABBIT!" I asked him what that meant and he said, "means I am mad cause it no working right - BOKEN RABBIT! Steve & I looked at eachother and wondered if in fact he WAS saying what we thought he might be trying to say.
Steve: Where did you hear that?
Josiah: at school!
Steve: who says that?
Josiah: nathaniel, jacob, lucy and all my friends!
Me: what does it mean?
Josiah: means we are mad cause for things don't work and we say Broken rabbit!
Steve: Josiah I think maybe thats not what your friends are saying and they might be making Jesus sad for trying to say what they hear
Josiah: WHY?
Me: Josiah I think maybe they are copying their mommy's & daddy's and are saying DAM IT (thats what people say when they are mad cause something doesn't work)not rabbit and I think maybe they are saying god Dam it & you think they are saying broken rabbit, but god dam it is not nice to say.
Josiah: oh, okay.

Aye! and he is at a christian school!!! Oh ... just makes me cringe! I don't want him to learn all that stuff!!! and I'm not even sure we handled it right!

Fiberglass!!!! "SUMMERGLASS"

Last night or yesturday evening..... Steve was helping Beth & Tony move into their new apartment. The last thing to be moved was the HUGE refrigerator UP the stairs into thier apartment - YES, UP stairs- a HUGE side by side refrigerator!!

Anyway, Josiah & I stayed home. We were sitting on the porch. Josiah was playing with a broken shovel; which I thought was wood- so I told him to put it down. He was trying to "work" like his daddy - so I thought 'well I am wathcing him what could go worng?' WRONG thing to ask!!!!!

The stupid broken shovel was not wood but plastic(fiberglass)!!!

YUP! you can all just imagine the rest of the evening - It was awful, I rushed him into the bath and thought that would be the end of that - but NOPE! he started getting all puffy, red & swollen.

We called poisen control & they told us to rub him down with vegtable oil (HE HATED THAT!)
then we put him back in the shower then dried him (all the while he is still screaming/crying)
then we tried the next thing poisen control told us to do: we covered our child (our crying, irritated, tired child) in BIG tape not duct tape but packaging tape.

Nothing was working and then Steve asked me if I had prayed for him (JOSIAH IS STILL CRYING & SCREEMING, " I DON'T LIKE SUMMERGLASS - TAKE IT OFF OF ME! TAKE THE SUMMERGLASS AWAY! DON'T TOUCH ME! ITCH ME MOMMY! NO YOU ITCH ME DADDY! RUB IT OFF! RUB THE SUMMERGLASS OFF! NO DONT DO NOTHING! I DON'T LIKE SUMMERGLASS") so do you get the picture!!!!!!!

In the middle of his crying he looks at me and calmly says, "momma please call my pastor marty" (him & Pastor Marty are "special friends") so we called him and asked for Pastor to pray for Josiah - (I guess our prayers weren't working).

Pastor was in the middle of his family dinner time, but agreed to get KEaloha & Keoki, Mona to pray for Josiah. I had justt hung up and the phone rang... It was Pastor calling to give me another remedy we might try - panty hose!

I hung up and Josiah is still crying and asked, "who called, momma?" I told him what Pastor said to do and he got a HUGE grin (with a snot filled puffy red face covered in tears). He said Pastor had summerglass too!?!?!? (thrilled- cause he loves to be just like Pastor).


So we did the panty hose thing and IT ACCTUALLY WORKED!!!!

We were able to tuck him into bed and as he was dozing off he looked up at us and said, "Momma I am so happy we have the only best Pastor Marty with all the good rules in the whole wide world forever!"

I know there is a message in their some how, so when I went to bed I began to think about how Churches/Congregations and Pastors have different types of relationships. Mostly I thought of the child like faith that my son has in his Pastor/FRIEND. I think that is the confidence, trust & faith & YES, even admiration and love we should have towards our Pastors, after all they were appointed and annointed for that very position and the bible says that 'our steps are oredered of God so whatever church we are at; LOVE, PRAY for LOOK UP TO & TRUST YOUR PASTOR!
HE IS A GIFT FROM GOD!!!
That was my lesson for the day - just thought I'd share :)

I GOT MY RAISE!!

Thanks for helping me pray. $2.00 more per hour!
have a great weekend:)

STORMS... CRAZY & BEAUTIFUL !

1st of all thanks for all the prayers... I should know something by 5:00 p.m tonight.
Ali & Lyndsay thanks so much for your comments ( i looked around to see if I could find your blogs or emails but didn't find them but if you wouldn't mind emailing me I would love to write to you) - I am amazed how uplifting an email or a comment can be :) again thanks!

So last night, after Maddies last spring Concert in her "elementry school" (she is growing up so fast) just out of the beautiful hot sunny 98 degree California weather our Lord decides to send a 'crazy' but BEAUTIFUL thunder, lightning, rain, wind & even hail in some parts storm our way.

for California this is CRAZY!!! It was hot! & raining!!! who's ever heard of that becides all you Texan's :) (Bernice & your gang, Jen & your gang) that NEVER happens here! NEVER!!

So one minute we are cooling off drinking iced tea sitting in front of our swamp cooler and the next minute there is lightning lighting up the entire sky & the sounds of GIANT thunder ripping through the quiet night.

Steve, Josiah & I went outside and watched. The rain hadn't started comming down yet. We were standing in the middle of our front yard for about 15 minutes watching the sky when Josiah yells out with the BIGGEST SMILE on his precious, innocent, pure face; "OH, MOMMA JESUS & 'LIJAH ARE TAKING PICTURES OF US!!!!"
Steve & I smiled at eachother as we tried to hold back our tears while we smiled back at Josiah as I managed to say, "yup" through the huge lump in my throat. Steve looked into Josiah's eyes and said, "Yes baby boy & do you hear God talking to us?" Josiah nodded no. Steve said, "listen" pointing up to the sky as the thunder rolled. Josiah lookedup and again smiled as huge as his little face could smile and he began to jump up & down yelling, "I hear him! I hear him.. I can hear God's voice!!! EVERYONE HERE GOD!!"

The rain drops began to fall slowly and gently at first then they turned steady and much harder. Josiah didn't know how to react (in California you never walk in the rain cause its ALWAYS COLD whenever it's raining) at frst he squeeled then I began to twirl in circle and sing in the rain and he fell right in step!! We all danced in the rain for a good 7 minutes before we were all drenched. Steve was the first one to run up under our porch then 'Si & I followed. We sat on the steps of our porch & continued to watch the lightning and the rain. We were singing worship songs that mentioned lightning and thunder and I don't know the name of that song that says,
" you speak through thunder & lightning your voice shakes the mountains, foundations of the earth..." something like that... but thats what we kept singing over and over. After a while we were just quietly sitting on the porch steps when Josiah says, " mommy I just love when Jesus brings us the storms... and because I love to love you in the storms! Momma do you love the storms!?"
"Yes, baby I love the storms." "Momma Jesus sends us the storms to talk to us huh, momma and to take pictures of us and to tell us that he loves us huh momma?" I sighed deeply and said, "Yes, Josiah you are right - God talks to us in the storms".
Then he stands up on the bottom step and looks up into the night sky and says "Oh 'Lijah baby I wish you could come down now - after the rain, some time I will go up okay, 'Lijah 'Lij''

After a good while we managed to peal Josiah off the steps and convinced him we could watch the lightning from inside and then Steve cohersed him by telling him to come in and call Grandma to tell her it was "storming".

He spent the next 30 minutes calling my mom & Beht and wanting to call every one from church to tell them, "you better go outside for God & 'Lijah can take your picture, else he not gonna take your picture".

Finally at around 9:45 his eyes had grown so tired & sleepy he said, "momma can we please tell Jesus to turn off the light now & Tell 'Lijah & God I wanna go to sleep so please take pictures later." "okay baby" I said just close your eyes and "they will be finished in a minute".
he said,
"good night momma, good night daddy I love you in the storms"
good night 'Lijah thanks for you take my picture"
(he was sleeping on a bed roll (pallette- he calls them) o the floor of our room," because it was so "exciting" that Jesus brought us a storm"

THIS BOY IS JUST SOMTHING 'SPECIAL' I TELL YOU!! HE is our TREASURE!!
but at least now we know "WE GOT OUR PICTURE TAKEN" so next time you see lightning remember to get your picture taken :)

JOSIAH & MY SPECIAL PRAYER REQUEST

Josiah & I usually say prayers and spend time worshipping as we drive- looking at the Mountains, on our way to work and school.

Yesturday Josiah said, "Holy Spirit fill us up with some more presenTs; because I don't have any and I need bob builder and daddy needs a job and mommy wants alot of pieces"

He has heard Steve & I pray, 'Holy Spirit Fill us with your presence' & I always ask God to give me peace.

So this morning we are driving to work quietly, when all of the sudden Josiah starts to sing (his version of Father's house (i think thats what the song is called):
'come and go with me - to my 'Lijah's house!
Come and go with me - to my 'Lijah's house!
It's a BIG, BIG House with lots & lots of brooms!
A BIG, BIG table with lots & lots of food
A BIG BIG yard where we will play foot ball!!
Come and Go with me- To my 'Lijah's house!!!

then he says, "momma I just cant wait to go to our 'Lijah's housse in heaven with Jesus!"
I said, "I know sweetie me too, I can't wait"
He says, "I think *Grandma Alvarez should stop waiting, cause her can have alot of brooms in heaven and play foot ball with 'Lijah"

* Grandma Alvarez is Ben's mom & She is heaven bound and can't hardley wait to cross those pearly gates into the arms of Jesus & see her life long sweet heart who awaits her. She is over 80 ... I think, something like that. (please pray for her too - she is so tired & ready to go).

Ever since last Friday when we went to go see Grandma Alvarez. He wakes up every morning and the first thing he asks is, "IS GRANDMA ALVAREZ DYING FOR HEAVEN YET?" meaning has she gone to heaven yet.

Isn't it funny how real life and death has become to our kids whenever they have had to say good bye to a sibling at such a young age.

His version of prayers and songs is just too funny!!!

So now for my "special" prayer request:
I shared with you that I am working and that 30 days after I started working I was gonna get a raise - well this week is my 30 days and I am asking God for his Favor and Blessings, And continued provisions. That he would touch my bosses heart, casue I need a few more dollars than was agreed to. I believe I have exceeded their expectations and I know this work is worth what I need so PLEASE AGREE WITH ME IN PRAYER, that The Lord would move in his heart on my behalf.

Time

I am finding it so hard to believe that old saying, "time heals all wounds".
I am missing my baby boy so much! It is just so crazy how often I think of him and how much we acctually MISS him being with us. Like this past Sunday at our church pic-nic. It may not have been noticeable to any one but Steve & I were just aching for our baby boy to have been with us.

We find ourselves thinking so much of him and not knowing exactly what to do with the VOID in our hearts and lives as we try to keep moving forward; yet our hearts are still clinging to those 25 and a half very precious hours.

I want him here with us. I want to know what it would be like juggling 2 boys & not just my 1.
I want to feel his weighty chunky body in my arms as drool spills from his mouth becasue he is teething.

Holding Moriah & watching her grow everyday and see all the milestones she is experiencing just cuts like a knife. I love Moriah, don't get me wrong but holding her and watching her just makes me think all the more of how busy we would be with a 7 month old and a 10 month old at grandmas house.

We were there Saturday morning for b-fast. All of us & our families. After b-fast we all sat on the front lawn and enjoyed the morning, watching Moriah jump in her jumper and the expressions she was making as her bare feet touched the grass/dirt for the very first time...

Missing & longing for him doesn't even do my feelings justice.

I don't ever think I will be able to put those feelings into words.

I so, wanted him here - not in heaven! I mean I am glad he is there becasue I know I have the hope of 'someday' BUT WHY?
why couldn't my son be like the others who are meant to be loved from here - together - watching them grow rather than just a painful vivid loving memory that stings as it soothes.

Time... it has gone by so quickly that people see us & can't see the pain.
It goes by so slowly that every breath I take reminds me I am still not there yet.

I loved to love you.
I loved to hear you.
I loved to hold you.
I loved to watch you.

I love to think of you.
I love to miss you.
I love to love you still!

MOMMY & ELIJAH

My 'Lijah Lij

sweet baby boy.

your warm cheeks.

the feel of your "SMART head" nestled in my arms.

Oh my baby I love you so much!

I only wish I knew WHY?!?!?

I miss you! & I will be thinking of you this mothers day. I was hoping that they would have remembered about you for our annual church video but Joshy said they already made it.

BUT Daddy & I will be thinking of you as always. YOU ARE IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER!

see you some day soon my sweet baby boy.

Thank You for being my brave boy! Thank you for all those kicks and pats. I will NEVER forget you

ELIJAH

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I just miss Elijah. It was about 1 a.m and I was wide awake. I was trying to imagine how his sleeping pattern would be, He would be pulling himself up on furniture and my house would be filled with all his toys!

My heart just aches with pain. I can't seem to understand, and I know I never will.

My dad came over to visit on Saturday. He was looking at 'Lijah's wall, he began to smile and talk baby talk. (like he would have & how he did with 'Siah).

I miss my baby. This sunday is going to be SO VERY HARD! Last year, I remember telling Steve that at least I could feel him kicking and moving as we sang worship songs at church.

There was this lady that sold personalized jewelry. We were gonna order me a necklace and or a bracelet with several of Elijah's pictures (especially his "SMART BOY"one). But thats when things had started getting worse financially and we never ordered it. I kept telling myself that soon we would get on our feet financially, and I would get to order it.

I hadn't realized how much I want it, til this morning when I was driving to take 'Siah to school and I heard a song on the radio.

Tears just rolled down my face and I remember that song playing when I was browsing through that ladies web page.

I just wanted to have something of his on me for mothers day. I think I might go to the cemetary on Sunday.

I know I am not the only mom hurting this mothers day.
and it makes me so sad! to think of all the hardships that come with life.

I feel like everyone around us has already forgotten. I know they haven't but it is just so sad that no one hardley ever mentions him at all.

Steve & I never stop thinking of our sweet baby.

I miss hearing his grunty little muffled cry. I miss feeling his warm soft face and his velvety soft "smart boy bubble"

LOOK AT THIS CUTE FACE!!

JOSIAH STARTED SCHOOL TODAY!!
HE IS LESS THAN A BLOCK AWAY FROM MY OFFICE. AS SOON AS WE DROVE INTO THE PARKING LOT HE BLURTED OUT, "MOM- YOU NEED TO LEAVE"

WE WALKED INTO THE BUILDING AND HE SAYS, "OKAY MOM GO! BYE. GO TO YOUR WORK NOW. I BE FINE - SEE YOU LATER, AFTER WORK"

he always has been pretty straight & to the point l.o.l :)

NOW LETS JUST PRAY HE STAYS THAT HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!!!

TEXAN ACCENT'S

I just got off the phone with a business call in Austin TX :)
gotta say ~LOVE THAT TEXAN ACCENT~

IT IS SOOOOO CUTE!!!!

And the funny thing is she said I sounded Californian :)
what does Californian sound like?!?!?

I can sure pick up on a Texan accent but what does CALIFORNIA accent sound like? I have no clue.

ANY WAYS, HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERY ONE!!!!
Especially all YOU TEXANS!!!!! l.o.l

Kayla will be home this weekend and we are planning on working on our garden and MABEY walking into towm to get a corn dog at the annual town carnival :)

1 week!

I have been working 1 week! love the job, the atmosphere is great, just missing my 'Siah!
& getting used to working as a mom :)

Life is still a little bit stressful with catching up on bills but it felt so good to be able to start paying away at those big OLD bills. Keep praying for our landlord who is still (thus far) being patient with us, as we play catch up. I so DON'T want to have to move again.
PLEASE help us pray for STEVE TO GET A JOB TOO!!!

O.M.G!!!!!!!

I just got a call for a job interview with a company I was trying to get hired; for the past three months. That company seems to be good too! BUT I am already SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy here; UGHHHHH! I told you all GOD HAS A HILLARIOUS SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!!
but now I'm wondering what should I do?!?!?
any ideas???

I LOVE MY JOB!!!

what a HUGE blessing. My bosses are wonderful people. I am praying we get lots & lots of work!!

I GOT A JOB!!!!!

Oh MY GOSH... I finally got a job. went on interview yesturday evening at 5:00p.m. Interview ended at 6:30 and I walked out of there the new Administrative Account Clerk for a Construction Company!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!! right when I was done hoping.

Now I just gotta wait for Steve to get a call from a job but hey 1 job is better than nothing!!
PRAISE GOD!!!
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS!!
I am at the library with Steve & 'Siah right now.
Kay is staying at her moms for a game tomorrow - we wanted to take her but didn't have enough gas to make the double trips and her mom has agreed to bring her home after the game :)

I start work on Monday morning at 8 a.m and 'Siah is the newest student at Bethel Christian Pre-School!!

IT'S FINALLY ALL WORKING OUT :)
It has been so long since I worked so I hope to get Steve's unemployment check tomorrow so I can hit the yard sales - I NEED working woman clothes l.o.l all my clothes is mommy clothes and flip flops :)