PICTURE UPDATES of christmas

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSIAH!!!

Mommy made him this crown last night!!! He wanted his crown on as we sang happy birthday to him.
more pictures later
oh and THIS IS MY 200th POST!!! ON 'Siah's birthday!!!

BLESSED, CHRISTMAS!!!

We had a wonderful Christmas!!! I have been trying to post pictures of Christmas morning at the Douglas home, but our computer is not wanting to cooperate with the camera!!!

We picked K up at 9:30 in the morning we got back home at 10:00 and the kids walked in to see a Christmas tree full of presents!! A TRUE BLESSING!!!!
(I will try-again to post some WONDERFUL PICS OF OUR DAY later tonight)

BUT FOR NOW I NEED TO SHARE MY HEART...

My heart & Steve's too, I am sure is just so happy and sad at the very same time. Seems like for the past year we have been going through this sort of bitter sweet roller coaster of emotions.
[We are pretty tired, emotionally]

Tomorrow is December 27th, 2008. It is a BIG day for all of us. Josiah will be turning 3!!!! so as the evening rolled in. Steve & I both became very sensative. After a few hours of intense emotions, We both realized what we were facing...

Josiah's birthday is A WONDERFULL & EXCITING TIME for all of us! HE was born premature. Weighed a mere 4 lbs. and measured only 17 inches long. We are so greatful for these three amazing years we have had with our son & I guess that is why tonight we can not help but think and ask, "WHY? IF ONLY!!" Josiah too had to overcome numerous struggles. We had to take him from my house to Valley Childrens Hospital on his 4th day of life becasue we discovered he was suffering from a very rare & undiagnosable seizure disorder. His first year and a half of life we spent a great number of days & even weeks at a time in the hospital.

God saw fit to heal him even after we recieved the diagnoses stating he had mild CP. I remember how sad we were & now that I know a deeper sadness I just only wish my 'Lijah could have stayed.

See as we celebrate the life of our first born. [HE IS SO VERY EXCITED ABOUT HIS BIRFDAY] he is singing songs about birfdays and telling us how he thinks his birfday will be tomorrow. He has been telling EVERY PERSON who calls our house, "TOMORROW IS MY BIRFDAY, TOMORROW I FREE(the F is how he pronounces all his th sounds) WE see what we WILL NEVER HAVE WITH 'LIJAH!!!

God chose to NOT heal his brain. AND I HAVE TO BE CONTENT. becasue even if I weren't, I would only bring upon my heart deeper sorrow which would produce bitterness. SO I HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD FOR EVERY GOOD & PERFECT GIFT!! BECAUSE EVERYTHING HE DOES IS EXCELLENT & PRAISE WORTHY!!! (i may not see it very clear from time to time - but the TRUTH of eternity ALWAYS SHINES THROUGH)
Tonight though... ... the view is a bit clouded!!!

BUT MY HEART IS SO JOYFUL TO HAVE 'Siah climbing all over me!!! Excited about his birfday!!! During this Christmas season he has mastered the art of seeing an add in the paper and then asking, I WANT IT!!!!! HE doesn't throw a fit - HE must still just think asking for it is all you do. because after he tells us what he wants then he will turn the paper and show us another toy!!!

He is so adorable!!!! A TRUE JOY TO MY LIFE!! HE MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN I AM SAD!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING...
Thinking of all the precious families who are celebrating Christmas with an Angel beyond the skies!

~Joshua~
~Eva~
~Isaac & Asher~
~Jacob~
~Noah~

YOUR FAMILIES ARE IN OUR PRAYERS!!!
Steve & I are having a very difficult Christmas but our hearts are truley confident in ALL HE HAS DONE AND ALL HE WILL DO!

May each of us who are celebrating The Birth of Our Savior; with an ache so deep in our heart and empty arms BE Comforted byt he BEAUTY & TRUTH OF THIS CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!

A very special prayer for Noah Gabriel Wall's mommy, daddy, grandma's & grandpa's & auntie Vikki
Thinking of you (they are on my side bar & Noah just went to heaven about 1 1/2 weeks ago (approx) please keep them in your prayers

THE WINNERS!!!

WE HAD 4 people reply to the give - away

OUR WINNERS ARE

1st place - Becky for your triplet girls!!!!!

2nd place - 2jne for your little 8 month old Emma!!!

3rd place - Auntrene for your 2 nieces!!!!

'Siah's pick was OCEANA so she tied for third place along with Auntrene's 2 nieces

THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING :)

It was fun for us to see who we will be able to send a little token of love to!!
LADIES CAN YOU PLEASE E-MAIL ME @ stv.mre@gmail.com to get your address PLEASE!!
I also want to let you pick the bows so PLEASE E-mail me a.s.a.p!!!! I will send you the details of when I will put these tokens in the mail box okay :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

CAMP DOUGLAS a snoring roaring place

After dinner tonight - we decided to open up 'camp douglas' for CHRISTMAS WEEK!!

This is the very first year Josiah is so expressive about Birthday's & Christmas. We watched the abc movie on t.v, ' WILLIE WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY' Josiah was wide eyed (almost) the entire time. On one commercial Josiah blurted out, "BIRFDAY!! YA FOR BIRFDAY MOMMA". we all started laughing and HE began to mention a grand list of people he want to invite for his birfday & Kakie just couldn't stop laughing whenever he said, "not___________ Tayla(kayla) she not come to my birfday" (a little girl who is very sweet on him- maybe too much cause He always runs away from her) l.o.l

any how. I came to check my e-mail on a commercial and just heard, the CHRISTMAS CARROL MY family is snoring!!! serious they are each snoring. Too Funny! & 'Si fell asleep without changing into his Jammie's (I can't stand when that happens - I end up changing him any way) I know, I know lots of people let their kids sleep in their clothes. I just feel better when they are in their commfies!!! :~) & NO they didn't get a bath tonight either. I know >:-Q

well at least Kakie made it into her commfies! Yeah, I told her she could skip the bath tonight!!!

WE ARE CAMPING ANY WAYS RIGHT!!!

its me kayla

Hi! its me kayla i just high jaked the computer ihave a lot of exitement in me. my dad just went to the store and i am making presents so ive got nobody to share my eximent with. ime making a reindear out of forks it is so much work . i love working.who everreads this dont say anything to anyBODY or comet this to the blog . merry chritmas to all

THINKING ON THESE THINGS & fews answers on some emails

This is the ornament that was hanging on my tree which I put on my coat yesturday. It is a funny thing whenever people react in diferent ways and how sometimes they don't know what to say.
Phillipains 4:7-8 says to think on these things; things which are true, lovely, have virtue, praiseworhty and are of good report!!

ELIJAH was & IS AL THESE THINGS!! HIS life in my belly and his 25 hours and thrty minutes of breathing he did while in our arms IS JUST THAT ; EXCELLENT & TRUE, LOVELY, VIRTUOUS AND OF GOOD REPORT!!!!

I WISH PEOPLE IN MY CHURCH WERE BLOGGERS; so I wouldn't have to try to explain things and so they would JUST KNOW & NOT ACT OR SAY WHAT THEY DO sometimes. ( maybe they are anonymously) l.o.l
SO I walk into church and one of the very first people to greet us just stared at my 'lijah's picture as if I had walked in to church carrying a corps [no i am not exagerating] then I of course left my coat on for a while - not because it was cold but because I wanted EVERY ONE to see my 'lijah's picture!! [i don't think there was anything wrong with that] once I took off my coat I placed his picture on the center piece of our table.

as everyone was visiting eachothers tables[SOME] people would gasp when the saw his picture. One lady [very dear to my heart] even said, Oh! Oh! oh dear awww! and she was all panicky and she walked away from me as I was telling her how I had added wings to the ornament & I was trying to tell her that I put a newborn picture of K & J in one ornament too so all three of our childrens 'birthday' picture is hanging onour tree"
Since she walked away I guess I will tell you :)~!!!

Later on in the day I was approached by some one who said, " OH MARIE YOU JUST NEED HEALING" okay so maybe I am just very vulnerable and emotionally raw right now BUT That commetn really bugged me heres why! I am not mourning Elijah cause I don't know where he is at, or because I think I will never see him again. I AM JUST A MOM missing her beautiful boy, thats all!!! is it really inproper for me to carry his picture? NOW if I had walked in with a baby casket yeah maybe I could see poeple gasping or walking away from me! I was not carrying around leopracy! OKAY CALM DOWN GIRL!!! :)

On the other hand there were some people who were very sweet.
*************************************************************************************************

NOW TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS from emails I got last night and this morning. Sorry I can't get to reply to all of you who send private emails. I DO ENJOY THEM!!!! but I jsut cant reply to every ones questions one at a time :)

1 - Kayla was reading a poem with my niece Maddie.
Kayla has a BEAUTIFUL VOICE she can sing very well. She is a wonderful reader too!! She wants Pastor to teach her to play the guitar & the piano but he only does guitar & drums. we need to get her a keyboard first and then see about putting her in lessons somewhere.
2- My coat was a christmas gift from Steve 2 christmases ago- we were at a thrift store & I fell in love with it! HE bought it for me for the whopping price of $5.oo bucks
3- Josiah does play on the worship team. He is very musically inclined. we think he will also be a drummer. he has been given drum sticks by two different band drummers because they see him moving his wrists as if he has sticks in them and is playing. HE uses a guitar pic to play - NO HE DOES NOT REALLY know what he is doing as far as notes YET!
He enjoys attending practice but I think he is still too young to PUSH HIM TO do the whoel hur or so of practice. NO we have not put him in lessons yet. He loves to sing as well. No we do not MAKE HIM PRACTICE. it just comes natural. HE just enjoys playing instruments and we foster that passion he has. He is not in sports because we do not have the money right now but later yes we want him to play. He throws the foot ball very far and is a good catcher.
4 - Our church Pastor is not hispanic he is acctualy polynesian and some of the worship team is american indian. Our little church is very diverse.

It's beginning to feel alot like CHRISTMAS!

And Here we are; Just walked into church and took 2 pictures (please notice the picture where I am wearing my coat) I pulled one of our ornaments off the tree this morning - just as we walked out the door. It is a picture of my ~'Lijah~

Also my sweet princess would like YOU ALL to NOTICE her & her brother are 'matching'
If it were up to her, she would have us matching like this all the time [seriously] we have to try to get her dressed before we step out or else she will stay in the room longer; trying hard to find 'something that matches' all of us
SO TODAY SHE WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN PLEASED; SHE WAS ECSTATIC

T'was the night before Christmas[at church]

T'was the night before Christmas

and all through the house

the girls gathered round

pinning curls on our heads

to wear with a bow!

The boys bringing ties out to match with the girls

Must have a white T-shirt just like my dad

Our shoes we have brought out

which now need some shining

to match with those girls!

The clothes all layed out

each pant lay with its shirt & tie

while each shoe lay by our fancy black tights!

And all through the house the busyness of Christmas

brought aching thoughts of our 'Lijah

to all of our hearts!

As the children lay sleeping
Mommy & Daddy worked hard on that pressing & shining

preparing for day break

which soon will appear!

WE LOVE YOU SWEET ~'LIJAH~

Daddy, Mommy, Kakie & 'Si

will have thoughts of you

as we listen for songs

You are sure to be singing

With all of the Angels

Like 'Hark The Herald & Glory To God'

Merry 1st Christmas

Little Angel

WITH ALL OF OUR LOVE!

And Here's what we did today

O.M.G today was so busy!!! crazy busy!! mom & us were having a Christmas yard sale - boutique type of thing - she was selling crafts & curios for Christmas & I was selling BOWS :~) Beth has Logan & Nannah [her step kids from 1st marriage - she divorced their father not the children & the children have no real contact with the dad & yes, Tony is fine with it :~)] visiting for Christmas. They have not been here since almost a year. Logan had managed to get a hold of his moms cell phone, saw Beth's picture in his moms phone & pushed a button and ended up calling Beth(for over a week) he called every morning between 8-10 a.m would say nothing & Beth did not recognize the number so she would not return the call - Finally, Thursday she got another call & decided this time she would call back. She did & heard a little boy. She asked who is it & he replied, "PICK ME UP!" she knew immediately who it was :~) So, now they are here to visit for the weekend :~)

Kayla & Logan trying out their swingOf Course Josiah's ALL time Favorite Pass Time (worship)
Logan swinging & yelling like tarzan

After this we ate tacos then me & the kids ran to church for practice. 'Si stayed home with Steve. His class already had practice on Wednesday!

After Practice we got back Mom, Beth, Tony & the kids left.

LONG DAY

THE GIVE AWAY... ...

okay every one, so we ended up getting several emails saying, "it is a busy season & the scavenger hunt is a bit much. Thanks for letting us know your feelings - THANK YOU BECKY FOR BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO TOOK TIME TO DO THIS HUNT HOWEVER, since it is a busy season LET'S MAKE IT FASTER & EASIER :~)

WE REALLY DO WANT TO GIVE AWAY SOME BOWS, IN FACT WE ARE SENDING A COUPLE OUT TO SOME FRIENDS ALREADY BUT STILL WANT TO SEE WHO ELSE WE CAN SEND SOME TO!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... ...
NEW RULES FOR GIVE- A-WAY:
just post a comment telling us about your special 'fancy little girly girls' and get as many people to post a comment or send an email to stv.mre@gmail.com nominating your 'special some one' then on the 23rd at 7:00 p.m. we will pick the three winners!!!
so hurry & get those names in!!

*********We hope this makes it much easier!!!!*****
Oh & again sorry Becky cause you were the only one who took your time to do the scavenger hunt (we had not considered how time consuming this would actually would be) SORRY :) & YES, I do sell them. Email me at stv.mre@gmail.com and we can correspond that way as far as me sending you the exact pictures of bows and pricing. (We just want to keep this blog about our lives since 'Lijah came into our hearts) I hope you all understand :)
Yes, there are different prices they range between $1.oo - $5.oo.
I had actually not thought about making a BOW BLOG but that is a great idea!!

AGAIN WE BOTH APPRECIATE ALL THE EMAILS with ideas and honest opinions :~)

OUR INTENT WAS JUST TO HAVE A WAY TO GIVE SOMETHING & HAVE FUN DOING IT :)

HOLY NIGHT @ Camp Douglas

Steve & I were talking about our families values & traditions earlier in the week. We were making a checklist to see what are the areas we can improve on. We were talking about how we feel we are raising our kids. After recieving the "blessings of this week" we decided we needed to talk to our children about the gift of giving. We had a family meeting & discussed all the things we were given. We each took turns saying what we have ben blessed with and how can give of ourselves. After a very LONG list of gifts we have been given[house, food, warmth, jackets, new friends, Thomas The Train]you know who said that one!) Steve began to tell Kakie & 'Si how because Jesus blesses us with gifts & blessings then we need to give to others. We were explaining how this years toy drive at church was at an all time low & tomorrow is the food/toy give away in Fowler. So that we needed to bless a boy & girl "who[might] not even have a Christmas tree! Kayla said, "or a warm house" Steve told the kids that they were going to go to the store & each pick out a $5.00 toy. 'Si asked, "for me?" Steve explained no bubba for "the little boy with no Christmas tree". "Why?" he asked & I [trying to help Steve out] explained, "Josiah ,Jesus has sent us friends to give us blessings & now it is our turn to give somthing!

... ... ... Wouldn't You Know It; he said[very serious] "BUT MOMMY- WE READY GIVE MY 'LIJAH"

*sighing* crying* (not then - now!) ugh! Thank YOU Jesus for giving us the words.
talk about heart wrenching. We went to the store and they picked out toys. Kakie, of course knew what this was all about & she is SO giving so she was really enjoying it - Josiah was enjoying picking the toy but everytimne we reminded him it was for 'that special little boy' he would stare at the toiy hug it and then keep on looking. At one point he said, "Oh mommy I like this one!!" Steve reminded him again, "remember it is not your toy".
He said," I know daddy -but he want to be my friend & we play together peacause I like to play for the toy with the little boy & share my tree too".

Kakie & I had Christmas Choir practice. When we got home we ate pizza for dinner @ 'camp douglas' after dinner Steve & I had planned to surprise the kids with a brand new CHRISTMAS TRADITION - We turned down the lights, turnedoff the T.V, turned on the Christmas CD & Steve began to read the Christmas story out of Luke 2:8 after the reading of the holy word. I went into my Hutch and brought one of my PRIZED COLLECTION NATIVITIES & let the kids each take turnes holding it and talk about the birth of our Savior. (both kids were shocked when I handed them my 'special' glass nativity set! I sat back and let them enjoy holding each piece. They both made observations about how cold it must have been, how smelly it nust have been, how itchy it must have been and then after a good long while of that. Steve said, "Okay now Mommy & I have a very special way to celebrate the meaning of Christmas. HE closed their eyes and we went into our bedroom, we threw a sheet & blanket ove rour heads and wrapped a baby doll up & walked into the tree lit room singing ~ Silent Night~ It was so precious! I cried as I saw K begin to tear up. After finishing the entire song we took off the sheets and asked the kids if they wanted a turn!!!! they did!!!

SO HERE GOES THE GIVE AWAY!!!

Let's make it a scavenger hunt(of sort)!!!

#1) Find a Person that YOU know who's name is Marie or Steve

you post a comment with that persons name & home town, if they post a comment & mention YOUR name you have just entered twice :~)

#2) My Dream places to visit - Italy to ride the gondolas & in USA, Maine because I have read so much about those beautiful light houses.

you post a comment if YOU have ever lived (or visited) there or know some one who has/does if they post a comment &mention your name you have entered twice(use last name or city/town name to differentiate you from others with common names)

#3) Tell us about the deserving 'fancy girl' who will wear these bows if you post a link for us to see her you entered twice

#4) THE LAST ONE...have as many people as you can post a comment on our blog telling us why YOUR 'fancy' girl' should win the set of 3 head bands/clips and four interchangeable bows

we will select the top three to have the most comments meeting the criteria above :~)
~good luck & have fun~

START NOW till the 23rd [MY TIME] @ 7:00a.m we will announce the TOP 3 winners @ 7 :00 p.m on the same day!!!

!BUENA SUERTE!

LOOK!!!!

A small selection of the bows I am making. In the spirit of giving, I would like to host a give away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not exactly sure how I want to do the give a way but I want to make it fun! Steve & I were talking about different ways of making it fun - DO any of you have any ideas???

I love working on these bows. I can just let my creativity go & enjoy some serene moment of Peace!!

These are perfect for all your pretty little princesses!!

PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR MORE DETAILS REAL SOON!!! For sure we want to do 1st, 2nd & 3rd place. So a total of three give aways :~)

Any one interested in playing some sort of something for some FREE bows for your 'fancy little ladies' ?!?!!????!!!???

let me know!

Moriah's 1st "visit" (without mommy, daddy & granny)

Here are some pictures of what we can do when Mommy & Daddy AREN'T hovering!!

Josiah wass acctually more free to be around her & I wasn't as nervous that Moriah's daddy would get paranoid l.o.l :) He loves her so much!! He would have been a great big brother to 'Lijah. He sings the lullaby from Lady & The Tramp to her!

AND CAN YOU TELL I AM HAVING FUN WITH MY CAMERA :~)

WE FOUND IT!!!! and... ... ... I just to vent

WELL THANK THE GOOD LORD ABOVE!!! WE FOUND THE RING! after tearing the house apart piece by piece and NOT getting to bed til 2 a.m.
My mom called @ 7:30 to see if we were up? She could tell i was asleep, so she said I will just go back to Parlier. (She had brought Tony to work in Selma) I went back to bed[exhausted]. We got up @ 8 and I was still crying. Steve just kept telling me, "it's not your fault".
I decided to call Tracy. She had just finished praying with me & my phone beeped. It was mom. She said I got it!!
WHAT!? HOW?!?!
well Steve had picked lemons for her to take home. She decided to take each lemon out of the bag one at a time and wash them to put in a bowl on her kitchen table. She took the last lemon out & saw an orange lump at the bottom of the bag. She says, she new it had to be the ring[covered in masa] she said she prayed oh Lord let it be the ring and s she ran it under the water the diamonds began to sparkle!!!
STEVE IS SO HAPPY, not to mention me toooooo!!
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS & WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT!!
HE STILL HEARS OUR CRIES FOR HELP! HE IS OUR REFUGE & STRENGTH!!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
* I was trying to just let it roll right off my back - let it go. I email a very dear friend of mine to tell her, like just to get it off my chest type of thing and it happened AGAIN so now I just gotta blog this. IT IS CRAZY!

okay so now, I just really need to vent. So last week Kakie & I went to Wal-Mart to get some punch for Steve's B-Day lunch. We ran into a family we know. SHE, 'THE WIFE' [to remain nameless] asked me oh, so how old is Steve turning. I told her 35. SHE said oh wow that's still young, so then why do you guys look so old & wasted. The husband got embarrassed & tried to help by saying, OH they look like that because of Elijah. [okay- thank you] Then she said something else and Kakie says MY MOMS NOT OLD they do cry but they are not wasted.
her little daughter said something too. I was so shocked embarrassed & upset I did not know what to say or how to get away. Finally we left.

CAN YOU BELIEVE I RAN IN TO HER AGAIN & AGAIN SHE SAID STUPID THINGS TO ME!!
Uggghh!!

This time (yesterday) we are at Food Max and SHE says oh Hi!!! I wanted to ignore her so bad & can you believe it SHE said, "What are you doing?" I said just shopping. She starts to look at me from top to bottom & says:
"OH too bad they don't sell makeovers! ha! ha! ha! - man I told 'hubby'[to remain nameless] I told him man I hope we never look like that when we turn 35. So yeah you should ask Steve to buy you new clothes & get your hair died & stuff cause you look alot older than 35. I always think I gotta look good for my family to be proud of me!! I mean Marie your kids always look good but you & Steve shouldn't look as old as you do. You just need a new hair style & a new make up look & maybe get your nails done YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH HAPPIER!! like look at your tennis shoes those are way out of style and they look real old too. I am just saying do something to make yourself look & feel better & the same for Steve!!"

I was staring at the green beans the entire time, till her husband came around the corner after just enough time to tear down my self esteem & rip me to shreds!!
He says oh hi! Hows it going? I was fighting back the tears so bad & Josiah says "momma shoes are old" and he just giggled (unaware of what had just happened) I said well I gotta go. I did not even finish my shopping. Josiah kept asking me "You wash you shoes momma?" "You uh make up momma?" I could not speak! We walked out of the grocery store and put 'SI in the car seat and got in the car & buckled up. I sat there tears streaming down my face. I started the car & turned on the radio so 'Si could start singing
I kept shouting at myself in silence!! "IT DOESN'T MATTER! MATERIALISTIC THINGS DO NOT MATTER TO YOU" I kept hearing Steve telling me, "DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK" as long as we are happy
But those words still hurt & now I keep having these little words & thoughts in my head that I am fighting with.
- you should care about your self
-you do need to cut & die your hair
- your tennis shoes are older than your marriage
-your close is so out dated
- you used to go get your nails done all the time
- you used to have a pair of shoes for every purse
- you used to have perfumes for every day of the week & then some
- what happened ?

I HATE HAVING THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD!!
SHE of course looks & smells like she just stepped out of the beauty spa all the time & so does her hubby & cute precious daughter.

I know, I know! beauty is passing & charm is deceitful but a woman who loves the Lord she shall be praised!
I know I just feel so BLAHHHH now! & I don't feel very praise worthy

MAJOR PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACK!!

I lost Steve's wedding band!! I know, I already lost a child; how could a ring cause a panic attack? I DON'T KNOW!! BUT IT HAS!! I can't find the ring any where. We were alone making tamales. I told him to take off his ring. He gave it to me. I can't remember anything more. I was having a very bad morning. My blood pressure was sky high & my head was pounding. I was not wanting to make tamales becasue I felt sick. My head was pounding. Steve & I started to spread the masa on the tamales & I felt like the masa needed something. I calle dmom to come & check it out for me. She said she was at an appointment, she would be here later. Josiah was jumping off the couches and I got upset. Steve told me to stop making the tamales. I covered the bowl with masa and left the table. Steve went outside with Josiah.

Ohhhhhh Steve is so mad, he is so beyond upsete he is not talking he is just pacing & sighing. I feel dizzy, I can't stop shaking. I feel like throwing up. I feel sick, my head hurts so bad. My arms feel itchy & my mind is a complete blur.

I was so tense, Steve told me to go pick up what we needed at wal-mart. I left. I went to walmart the store was horribly packed. I left the store I was still having a horrible headache. I went to Office Max, talked to Daniel walked out got in the car and drove home - I can't even remember what I did when I got here. Mom got here she looked at the masa & started working on the tamales with Steve. I was very dizzy & my head hurt. I could not concentrate.

I feel so sick. SOME BODY PLEASE PRAY!! I will never be able to replace that ring!! I men literally, we have no money. I had that ring custom ordered to match mine & even my wedding set is a custom order. I will never be able to save enough money to do that again!!!
OH MY GOD!!
I can't believe this
I feel so ...
I better go
I need to do something
PLEASE PRAY PLEASE
OH GOD PLEASE JUST LET MY MIND REMEMBER WHAT I DID WITH THAT RING!!
PLEASE PRAY -
I know it's just a ring but I feel awful
I feel like I am going to throw up.
Oh Holy Spirit please help me find that ring.
STEVE HAS NEVER TAKEN THAT RING OFF HIS FINGER SINCE MARCH 5, 2005 NEVER!!
I am so stupid! why did I make him take it off!!
Steve is so upset. I can't even beging to tell you how upset he is.
He isn't talking at all. he is as white as snow.
he keeps pacing and sighing.
he won't say anything!!
he jsut won't stop looking around every inch of this house
he just went throughall the trash piece by piece.
I am breaking out in hives.
He just sat down inthe living room and turned off the lights.
I wish he would at least yell at me or tell me how stupid & irresponsible I am.

DO YOU KNOW?

any one out there wanna fill me on how I can change the pictures on the side bar of my blog. Like I want to update the pictures.
If any one can instruct me on how to do this I WILL FOREVER BE SO HAPPILY THANKFUL TO YOU!!! :)

Josh put these in for us whenever he set us up on the blog. I am pretty sure he did not pay anything to add these pic's (I have tried to change them by clicking on them but nothing happens & whenever I click the add image icon it puts the pics in my post not on the side bar)

This is Josh's senior year & he is so busy - he has not had a chance to even get Beth her wedding pic's yet so I know he will not have time to come and show me or do it for me.

BUT if it costs money then I am fine with the pictures we have up :) I just thought since I have really nice pic's we took at the pumpkin patch & the kids are older now too!!

So if any one has any ideas(on how to do this) let me know!!!