I GOT MY RAISE!!

Thanks for helping me pray. $2.00 more per hour!
have a great weekend:)

STORMS... CRAZY & BEAUTIFUL !

1st of all thanks for all the prayers... I should know something by 5:00 p.m tonight.
Ali & Lyndsay thanks so much for your comments ( i looked around to see if I could find your blogs or emails but didn't find them but if you wouldn't mind emailing me I would love to write to you) - I am amazed how uplifting an email or a comment can be :) again thanks!

So last night, after Maddies last spring Concert in her "elementry school" (she is growing up so fast) just out of the beautiful hot sunny 98 degree California weather our Lord decides to send a 'crazy' but BEAUTIFUL thunder, lightning, rain, wind & even hail in some parts storm our way.

for California this is CRAZY!!! It was hot! & raining!!! who's ever heard of that becides all you Texan's :) (Bernice & your gang, Jen & your gang) that NEVER happens here! NEVER!!

So one minute we are cooling off drinking iced tea sitting in front of our swamp cooler and the next minute there is lightning lighting up the entire sky & the sounds of GIANT thunder ripping through the quiet night.

Steve, Josiah & I went outside and watched. The rain hadn't started comming down yet. We were standing in the middle of our front yard for about 15 minutes watching the sky when Josiah yells out with the BIGGEST SMILE on his precious, innocent, pure face; "OH, MOMMA JESUS & 'LIJAH ARE TAKING PICTURES OF US!!!!"
Steve & I smiled at eachother as we tried to hold back our tears while we smiled back at Josiah as I managed to say, "yup" through the huge lump in my throat. Steve looked into Josiah's eyes and said, "Yes baby boy & do you hear God talking to us?" Josiah nodded no. Steve said, "listen" pointing up to the sky as the thunder rolled. Josiah lookedup and again smiled as huge as his little face could smile and he began to jump up & down yelling, "I hear him! I hear him.. I can hear God's voice!!! EVERYONE HERE GOD!!"

The rain drops began to fall slowly and gently at first then they turned steady and much harder. Josiah didn't know how to react (in California you never walk in the rain cause its ALWAYS COLD whenever it's raining) at frst he squeeled then I began to twirl in circle and sing in the rain and he fell right in step!! We all danced in the rain for a good 7 minutes before we were all drenched. Steve was the first one to run up under our porch then 'Si & I followed. We sat on the steps of our porch & continued to watch the lightning and the rain. We were singing worship songs that mentioned lightning and thunder and I don't know the name of that song that says,
" you speak through thunder & lightning your voice shakes the mountains, foundations of the earth..." something like that... but thats what we kept singing over and over. After a while we were just quietly sitting on the porch steps when Josiah says, " mommy I just love when Jesus brings us the storms... and because I love to love you in the storms! Momma do you love the storms!?"
"Yes, baby I love the storms." "Momma Jesus sends us the storms to talk to us huh, momma and to take pictures of us and to tell us that he loves us huh momma?" I sighed deeply and said, "Yes, Josiah you are right - God talks to us in the storms".
Then he stands up on the bottom step and looks up into the night sky and says "Oh 'Lijah baby I wish you could come down now - after the rain, some time I will go up okay, 'Lijah 'Lij''

After a good while we managed to peal Josiah off the steps and convinced him we could watch the lightning from inside and then Steve cohersed him by telling him to come in and call Grandma to tell her it was "storming".

He spent the next 30 minutes calling my mom & Beht and wanting to call every one from church to tell them, "you better go outside for God & 'Lijah can take your picture, else he not gonna take your picture".

Finally at around 9:45 his eyes had grown so tired & sleepy he said, "momma can we please tell Jesus to turn off the light now & Tell 'Lijah & God I wanna go to sleep so please take pictures later." "okay baby" I said just close your eyes and "they will be finished in a minute".
he said,
"good night momma, good night daddy I love you in the storms"
good night 'Lijah thanks for you take my picture"
(he was sleeping on a bed roll (pallette- he calls them) o the floor of our room," because it was so "exciting" that Jesus brought us a storm"

THIS BOY IS JUST SOMTHING 'SPECIAL' I TELL YOU!! HE is our TREASURE!!
but at least now we know "WE GOT OUR PICTURE TAKEN" so next time you see lightning remember to get your picture taken :)

JOSIAH & MY SPECIAL PRAYER REQUEST

Josiah & I usually say prayers and spend time worshipping as we drive- looking at the Mountains, on our way to work and school.

Yesturday Josiah said, "Holy Spirit fill us up with some more presenTs; because I don't have any and I need bob builder and daddy needs a job and mommy wants alot of pieces"

He has heard Steve & I pray, 'Holy Spirit Fill us with your presence' & I always ask God to give me peace.

So this morning we are driving to work quietly, when all of the sudden Josiah starts to sing (his version of Father's house (i think thats what the song is called):
'come and go with me - to my 'Lijah's house!
Come and go with me - to my 'Lijah's house!
It's a BIG, BIG House with lots & lots of brooms!
A BIG, BIG table with lots & lots of food
A BIG BIG yard where we will play foot ball!!
Come and Go with me- To my 'Lijah's house!!!

then he says, "momma I just cant wait to go to our 'Lijah's housse in heaven with Jesus!"
I said, "I know sweetie me too, I can't wait"
He says, "I think *Grandma Alvarez should stop waiting, cause her can have alot of brooms in heaven and play foot ball with 'Lijah"

* Grandma Alvarez is Ben's mom & She is heaven bound and can't hardley wait to cross those pearly gates into the arms of Jesus & see her life long sweet heart who awaits her. She is over 80 ... I think, something like that. (please pray for her too - she is so tired & ready to go).

Ever since last Friday when we went to go see Grandma Alvarez. He wakes up every morning and the first thing he asks is, "IS GRANDMA ALVAREZ DYING FOR HEAVEN YET?" meaning has she gone to heaven yet.

Isn't it funny how real life and death has become to our kids whenever they have had to say good bye to a sibling at such a young age.

His version of prayers and songs is just too funny!!!

So now for my "special" prayer request:
I shared with you that I am working and that 30 days after I started working I was gonna get a raise - well this week is my 30 days and I am asking God for his Favor and Blessings, And continued provisions. That he would touch my bosses heart, casue I need a few more dollars than was agreed to. I believe I have exceeded their expectations and I know this work is worth what I need so PLEASE AGREE WITH ME IN PRAYER, that The Lord would move in his heart on my behalf.

Time

I am finding it so hard to believe that old saying, "time heals all wounds".
I am missing my baby boy so much! It is just so crazy how often I think of him and how much we acctually MISS him being with us. Like this past Sunday at our church pic-nic. It may not have been noticeable to any one but Steve & I were just aching for our baby boy to have been with us.

We find ourselves thinking so much of him and not knowing exactly what to do with the VOID in our hearts and lives as we try to keep moving forward; yet our hearts are still clinging to those 25 and a half very precious hours.

I want him here with us. I want to know what it would be like juggling 2 boys & not just my 1.
I want to feel his weighty chunky body in my arms as drool spills from his mouth becasue he is teething.

Holding Moriah & watching her grow everyday and see all the milestones she is experiencing just cuts like a knife. I love Moriah, don't get me wrong but holding her and watching her just makes me think all the more of how busy we would be with a 7 month old and a 10 month old at grandmas house.

We were there Saturday morning for b-fast. All of us & our families. After b-fast we all sat on the front lawn and enjoyed the morning, watching Moriah jump in her jumper and the expressions she was making as her bare feet touched the grass/dirt for the very first time...

Missing & longing for him doesn't even do my feelings justice.

I don't ever think I will be able to put those feelings into words.

I so, wanted him here - not in heaven! I mean I am glad he is there becasue I know I have the hope of 'someday' BUT WHY?
why couldn't my son be like the others who are meant to be loved from here - together - watching them grow rather than just a painful vivid loving memory that stings as it soothes.

Time... it has gone by so quickly that people see us & can't see the pain.
It goes by so slowly that every breath I take reminds me I am still not there yet.

I loved to love you.
I loved to hear you.
I loved to hold you.
I loved to watch you.

I love to think of you.
I love to miss you.
I love to love you still!

MOMMY & ELIJAH

My 'Lijah Lij

sweet baby boy.

your warm cheeks.

the feel of your "SMART head" nestled in my arms.

Oh my baby I love you so much!

I only wish I knew WHY?!?!?

I miss you! & I will be thinking of you this mothers day. I was hoping that they would have remembered about you for our annual church video but Joshy said they already made it.

BUT Daddy & I will be thinking of you as always. YOU ARE IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER!

see you some day soon my sweet baby boy.

Thank You for being my brave boy! Thank you for all those kicks and pats. I will NEVER forget you

ELIJAH

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I just miss Elijah. It was about 1 a.m and I was wide awake. I was trying to imagine how his sleeping pattern would be, He would be pulling himself up on furniture and my house would be filled with all his toys!

My heart just aches with pain. I can't seem to understand, and I know I never will.

My dad came over to visit on Saturday. He was looking at 'Lijah's wall, he began to smile and talk baby talk. (like he would have & how he did with 'Siah).

I miss my baby. This sunday is going to be SO VERY HARD! Last year, I remember telling Steve that at least I could feel him kicking and moving as we sang worship songs at church.

There was this lady that sold personalized jewelry. We were gonna order me a necklace and or a bracelet with several of Elijah's pictures (especially his "SMART BOY"one). But thats when things had started getting worse financially and we never ordered it. I kept telling myself that soon we would get on our feet financially, and I would get to order it.

I hadn't realized how much I want it, til this morning when I was driving to take 'Siah to school and I heard a song on the radio.

Tears just rolled down my face and I remember that song playing when I was browsing through that ladies web page.

I just wanted to have something of his on me for mothers day. I think I might go to the cemetary on Sunday.

I know I am not the only mom hurting this mothers day.
and it makes me so sad! to think of all the hardships that come with life.

I feel like everyone around us has already forgotten. I know they haven't but it is just so sad that no one hardley ever mentions him at all.

Steve & I never stop thinking of our sweet baby.

I miss hearing his grunty little muffled cry. I miss feeling his warm soft face and his velvety soft "smart boy bubble"

LOOK AT THIS CUTE FACE!!

JOSIAH STARTED SCHOOL TODAY!!
HE IS LESS THAN A BLOCK AWAY FROM MY OFFICE. AS SOON AS WE DROVE INTO THE PARKING LOT HE BLURTED OUT, "MOM- YOU NEED TO LEAVE"

WE WALKED INTO THE BUILDING AND HE SAYS, "OKAY MOM GO! BYE. GO TO YOUR WORK NOW. I BE FINE - SEE YOU LATER, AFTER WORK"

he always has been pretty straight & to the point l.o.l :)

NOW LETS JUST PRAY HE STAYS THAT HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!!!

TEXAN ACCENT'S

I just got off the phone with a business call in Austin TX :)
gotta say ~LOVE THAT TEXAN ACCENT~

IT IS SOOOOO CUTE!!!!

And the funny thing is she said I sounded Californian :)
what does Californian sound like?!?!?

I can sure pick up on a Texan accent but what does CALIFORNIA accent sound like? I have no clue.

ANY WAYS, HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERY ONE!!!!
Especially all YOU TEXANS!!!!! l.o.l

Kayla will be home this weekend and we are planning on working on our garden and MABEY walking into towm to get a corn dog at the annual town carnival :)

1 week!

I have been working 1 week! love the job, the atmosphere is great, just missing my 'Siah!
& getting used to working as a mom :)

Life is still a little bit stressful with catching up on bills but it felt so good to be able to start paying away at those big OLD bills. Keep praying for our landlord who is still (thus far) being patient with us, as we play catch up. I so DON'T want to have to move again.
PLEASE help us pray for STEVE TO GET A JOB TOO!!!

O.M.G!!!!!!!

I just got a call for a job interview with a company I was trying to get hired; for the past three months. That company seems to be good too! BUT I am already SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy here; UGHHHHH! I told you all GOD HAS A HILLARIOUS SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!!
but now I'm wondering what should I do?!?!?
any ideas???

I LOVE MY JOB!!!

what a HUGE blessing. My bosses are wonderful people. I am praying we get lots & lots of work!!

I GOT A JOB!!!!!

Oh MY GOSH... I finally got a job. went on interview yesturday evening at 5:00p.m. Interview ended at 6:30 and I walked out of there the new Administrative Account Clerk for a Construction Company!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!! right when I was done hoping.

Now I just gotta wait for Steve to get a call from a job but hey 1 job is better than nothing!!
PRAISE GOD!!!
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS!!
I am at the library with Steve & 'Siah right now.
Kay is staying at her moms for a game tomorrow - we wanted to take her but didn't have enough gas to make the double trips and her mom has agreed to bring her home after the game :)

I start work on Monday morning at 8 a.m and 'Siah is the newest student at Bethel Christian Pre-School!!

IT'S FINALLY ALL WORKING OUT :)
It has been so long since I worked so I hope to get Steve's unemployment check tomorrow so I can hit the yard sales - I NEED working woman clothes l.o.l all my clothes is mommy clothes and flip flops :)

TODAY

April 15th. Steve went to the interview - they straight ouut told him that although he has experience as a certified Fork Lift driver he has no experience in cold storage, so it doesn't look like they will be calling him. I also went to put in an application as a shipping and recieveing clerk but I don't have enough experience on the particular program they are using.

I sent my resume and had a phone interview for a construction office secretary. He said they would call me by Friday.

I do know that God is in Control. I just wish He would make things a bit clear for us as to what He expects for us to do.

I know nothing other than to continue to TRUST and to Hold on. If I had all the time in the world to share ALL the experiences where God has proven His faithfulness to us from generation to generation in our family since my granmother was a child. IT IS A WONDERFUL testament of HIS FAITHFULNESS... ... ... none the less we are human and we ARE GROWING VERY weary.

Steve and I are trying so hard to sstay focused. To remember we are ONE, to focus on the blessing of our marriage and our children but it is just plain hard and MOST stressful right now!

I keep asking why? and when will things begin to change? and still NO ANSWERS, NO RELIEF!

We filed our income taxes and we are supposed to be getting a $400.00 dollar refund which would be great, but it is going to pay child care(child support) which was SAID to never have been paid. and the $900.00 dollar stimulus payment we should have recieved as well also went to pay that! It is just plain frustrating becasue no matter how we look at things it just seem so unending. Whenever Steve went to court about this alleged outstanding child care bill, one party said it was paid and then we had proof it was paid by a federally funded agency, yet becasue we had no lawyer we are stuck paying this account so regardless - we have no refund comming. Oh well I keep praying that God will help us in this situatuion as well.

I just feel like no matter how I pray if it has to do with praying for OUR situatuions; It is like he is NOT listening. Yet people ask me to pray for them and their situations and He answers prayers.

Oh well - whatever happens will be; and there is not much of a darn thing I can do.

tired & frustrated AGAIN!!

I didn't get the job.... .... AGAIN! Steve is going on another interview tomorrow - see what happens.
although I am pretty sure its gonna probably be another negative outcome. So I guess I am definitely in a very negative mood. YES, I am a christian but that doesn't make me a super person. I am so FRUSTRATED. I just feel like being honest, brutally honest! I am so very, tired and I just can't figure out why this is so crazy! Why?!?!?! When is this HORRIBLE roller coaster gonna stop?

I had a WONDERFUL dream about my precious 'Lijah and he was crawling and drooling and holding him in my arms felt so good! BUT then I woke up... WHAT A HORRIBLE REALITY TO WAKE UP TO!!! I have been crying all day & Easter was hard too.

I just wish I could end this horrible reality I am living.

I know & yes I do count my blessings but this just sucks!

HI ALL!!! 'Spring Break'

Well, today is Tuesday. Kay is on spring break. She is home for a few days this week. Yesturday she went on a play date with a special friend from Puerto Rico who is in the States for Easter:) They had a wonderful time. Josiah also went on a play date. Daddy had a day for himself & I was swept away to the coast for dinner with Dorothy & Cindy! We ALL had such a BLESSED day! We all got much needed RECREATIONAL TIME :)

We are so blessed. Saturday we went to decorate the cemetery for passion week. and we watched the sun set. It was nice.

Kay will be with us for Resurection Sunday!!!

I went on an interview A G A I N!!!! & still don't know what will happen!!!! Rrrrr - so frusterating!

MISSING OUR BABY SO MUCH THIS EASTER!!!

Kito Ben's here!!! 'computer for my fingers'

KAY IS HOME!!! it has been 2 weeks since we seen her and OMG we missed her like CRAZY, CRAZY!!! Home is so much fun whenever we are ALL home!!!

Tonight we are moving camp douglas out on the trampoline!!! scarey :) l.o.l!

well I better go... We have so many pictures but don't have a way to publish right now.

My interview went BAD!! Oh well, no other choice but to KEEP TRUSTING!!! the best thing to do any ways huh?!!

Erika I hope all is going good for you with your little one growing healthy inside!!!

Just gotta say I MISS talking to you all but I think of you all whenever I see your Home State on the news with the weather :)

Time moves forward...

Well, today is the 18th of March. I went to ANOTHER job interview & failed the test!!! Woooo Hoooo! way to boost an ego! huh!!!

GOD continues to see us through! At times I feel so desperate and then at other times I am reminded of HIS sweet presence in our lives and the joy HE brings through the valleys!!

I Love MY SHEPHERD (Psalms 23)

'Si & I have been going to "library school" (he calls it that) twice a week :)

Kay & Dad went to her first ever father daughter dance!! ( hope to post pictures real soon)

' Si flew his first kite

Kay & 'Si helped dad build a tree house

SO MANY, MANY memories being made on a daily basis. wish I had internet at home to be able to share all the beautiful momnents we are treasuring and the things that still knock me on my butt with sudden waves of emptiness without our 'Lijah. He would be 8 months!!!

PLEASE KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS... going on another interview tomorrow

Josiah still mentions Jaxon every morning when he comes his hair!!
HI JAX! from Josiah :)

Gotta go now! times up @ library :)

MISS YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH!!!

Bigger Than 'this' time in our lives

I am certain of this one thing! Whatever God has planned for our lives... IT IS MUCH BIGGER AND GREATER than this time in our lives. We are passing through the rising waters, the raging fires BUT WE ARE CERTAINLY IN THE VERY HAND OF GOD!!!

Every day is another trial, another struggle, another moment of stress or worry - BUT then WE ARE ABLE TO SEE that none of this matters. WE are just passing through - We are not home yet!

GOD has continued to BLESS us in such a wonderful way. Steve is leading our family in a daily devotional. Kayla & I are doing a mother daughter devotion and our walk in God is so amazing.

FACTS:
Economy is still very much in crisis.
Our Finances are still very chaotic.
We are still looking feverishly for jobs.
We still have not gotten jobs.
the monthly bills keep coming.
We still run out of shampoo & tooth paste
GOD STILL CONTINUES TO DAILY PROVE HE IS MORE THAN ABLE TO MEET OUR NEEDS!!!!

That is the best fact of all & it is what keeps us focused on Christ and the bigger plan for our lives as THE DOUGLAS FAMILY.

We are certain that HE IS OUR SOURCE OF STRENGTH, OUR COMFORT OUR LOVE, OUR HOPE, OUR TRUTH AND OUR ALL IN ALL!!!

We know HE has a PLAN that will be fulfilled in our lives that will bring HIM honor and glory!

We continue to stand in the need of prayer!!
WE ARE ALSO PRAYING FOR OUR BLOG LAND BUDDIES!!!

GOD CONTINUES TO BE FAITHFUL!

Hi, ALL!
Just needed to let you all know we are doing much better! Praise God! still no jobs - but MAN GOD IS GOOD!!! HE CONTINUES TO SUSTAIN US!!!

We are so excited about the mere fact that God is just amazingly providing for our needs.

Our financial situation has not really changed much but to be able to see HIS HAND at work in us is amazing!!!

Our relatives have miraculously been blessed and helped us by paying our rent. We had our water services disconnected and some dear friends came to our rescue. Our Electric bill was almost disconnected and again GOD moved!

We do not understand the WHY's or the WHEN's BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU ALL THAT GOD IS SO FAITHFUL.

This time has been such a growing time in our lives. We are seeing an ENORMOUS GROWTH in our spiritual walk with the Lord.

We have started to have family devotional time reading our bible and praying. Steve and I are experienceing a wonderful time together in the Lord like never before.

The kids are good. We are missing Kayla real bad!! We were supposed to go see her last Wednesday but Josiah had been in the hospital over night and then returned again the following day because he was very very ill. We had a big scare- his body was not reacting to any antbiotics. He is doing much better now! Praise The Lord!

I just wanted to say that we are doing alot of growing... the storms are pretty tough but if we remain walking with our eyes set on the spiritual aspect of things then we begin to watch the HAND OF GOD MOLDING US INTO EXACTLY WHO HE WANTS US TO BE!!!

I am learning to love and cherish this painful time that is producing such beauty within our family.

We are greatful for all your continued prayers and loving messages

* I am still not connected to the internet at home so I do not have a chance to check on all of my blog friends so a very special hello to all of Elijah's love club, Hi to Susie, Kristy, Karen, Jennifer, Becky, Kathy, Melissa, Lori in NY the Friesen's, Erika in NH, Sheena, to ALL OF YOU!!! I MISS YOU TERRIBLY!! I MISS GETTING ONLINE AND CHECKING IN ON YOU AND SEE WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR DAILY LIVES!!

STANDING IN THE NEED OF PRAYER

We are still holding onto our faith with every shred of hope that HE WILL SEE US through
KEEP THE PRAYERS COMMING; cause this Sunami is still raging and roaring!