MOMMY & ELIJAH

My 'Lijah Lij

sweet baby boy.

your warm cheeks.

the feel of your "SMART head" nestled in my arms.

Oh my baby I love you so much!

I only wish I knew WHY?!?!?

I miss you! & I will be thinking of you this mothers day. I was hoping that they would have remembered about you for our annual church video but Joshy said they already made it.

BUT Daddy & I will be thinking of you as always. YOU ARE IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER!

see you some day soon my sweet baby boy.

Thank You for being my brave boy! Thank you for all those kicks and pats. I will NEVER forget you

ELIJAH

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I just miss Elijah. It was about 1 a.m and I was wide awake. I was trying to imagine how his sleeping pattern would be, He would be pulling himself up on furniture and my house would be filled with all his toys!

My heart just aches with pain. I can't seem to understand, and I know I never will.

My dad came over to visit on Saturday. He was looking at 'Lijah's wall, he began to smile and talk baby talk. (like he would have & how he did with 'Siah).

I miss my baby. This sunday is going to be SO VERY HARD! Last year, I remember telling Steve that at least I could feel him kicking and moving as we sang worship songs at church.

There was this lady that sold personalized jewelry. We were gonna order me a necklace and or a bracelet with several of Elijah's pictures (especially his "SMART BOY"one). But thats when things had started getting worse financially and we never ordered it. I kept telling myself that soon we would get on our feet financially, and I would get to order it.

I hadn't realized how much I want it, til this morning when I was driving to take 'Siah to school and I heard a song on the radio.

Tears just rolled down my face and I remember that song playing when I was browsing through that ladies web page.

I just wanted to have something of his on me for mothers day. I think I might go to the cemetary on Sunday.

I know I am not the only mom hurting this mothers day.
and it makes me so sad! to think of all the hardships that come with life.

I feel like everyone around us has already forgotten. I know they haven't but it is just so sad that no one hardley ever mentions him at all.

Steve & I never stop thinking of our sweet baby.

I miss hearing his grunty little muffled cry. I miss feeling his warm soft face and his velvety soft "smart boy bubble"

LOOK AT THIS CUTE FACE!!

JOSIAH STARTED SCHOOL TODAY!!
HE IS LESS THAN A BLOCK AWAY FROM MY OFFICE. AS SOON AS WE DROVE INTO THE PARKING LOT HE BLURTED OUT, "MOM- YOU NEED TO LEAVE"

WE WALKED INTO THE BUILDING AND HE SAYS, "OKAY MOM GO! BYE. GO TO YOUR WORK NOW. I BE FINE - SEE YOU LATER, AFTER WORK"

he always has been pretty straight & to the point l.o.l :)

NOW LETS JUST PRAY HE STAYS THAT HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!!!

TEXAN ACCENT'S

I just got off the phone with a business call in Austin TX :)
gotta say ~LOVE THAT TEXAN ACCENT~

IT IS SOOOOO CUTE!!!!

And the funny thing is she said I sounded Californian :)
what does Californian sound like?!?!?

I can sure pick up on a Texan accent but what does CALIFORNIA accent sound like? I have no clue.

ANY WAYS, HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERY ONE!!!!
Especially all YOU TEXANS!!!!! l.o.l

Kayla will be home this weekend and we are planning on working on our garden and MABEY walking into towm to get a corn dog at the annual town carnival :)

1 week!

I have been working 1 week! love the job, the atmosphere is great, just missing my 'Siah!
& getting used to working as a mom :)

Life is still a little bit stressful with catching up on bills but it felt so good to be able to start paying away at those big OLD bills. Keep praying for our landlord who is still (thus far) being patient with us, as we play catch up. I so DON'T want to have to move again.
PLEASE help us pray for STEVE TO GET A JOB TOO!!!

O.M.G!!!!!!!

I just got a call for a job interview with a company I was trying to get hired; for the past three months. That company seems to be good too! BUT I am already SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy here; UGHHHHH! I told you all GOD HAS A HILLARIOUS SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!!
but now I'm wondering what should I do?!?!?
any ideas???

I LOVE MY JOB!!!

what a HUGE blessing. My bosses are wonderful people. I am praying we get lots & lots of work!!

I GOT A JOB!!!!!

Oh MY GOSH... I finally got a job. went on interview yesturday evening at 5:00p.m. Interview ended at 6:30 and I walked out of there the new Administrative Account Clerk for a Construction Company!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!! right when I was done hoping.

Now I just gotta wait for Steve to get a call from a job but hey 1 job is better than nothing!!
PRAISE GOD!!!
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS!!
I am at the library with Steve & 'Siah right now.
Kay is staying at her moms for a game tomorrow - we wanted to take her but didn't have enough gas to make the double trips and her mom has agreed to bring her home after the game :)

I start work on Monday morning at 8 a.m and 'Siah is the newest student at Bethel Christian Pre-School!!

IT'S FINALLY ALL WORKING OUT :)
It has been so long since I worked so I hope to get Steve's unemployment check tomorrow so I can hit the yard sales - I NEED working woman clothes l.o.l all my clothes is mommy clothes and flip flops :)

TODAY

April 15th. Steve went to the interview - they straight ouut told him that although he has experience as a certified Fork Lift driver he has no experience in cold storage, so it doesn't look like they will be calling him. I also went to put in an application as a shipping and recieveing clerk but I don't have enough experience on the particular program they are using.

I sent my resume and had a phone interview for a construction office secretary. He said they would call me by Friday.

I do know that God is in Control. I just wish He would make things a bit clear for us as to what He expects for us to do.

I know nothing other than to continue to TRUST and to Hold on. If I had all the time in the world to share ALL the experiences where God has proven His faithfulness to us from generation to generation in our family since my granmother was a child. IT IS A WONDERFUL testament of HIS FAITHFULNESS... ... ... none the less we are human and we ARE GROWING VERY weary.

Steve and I are trying so hard to sstay focused. To remember we are ONE, to focus on the blessing of our marriage and our children but it is just plain hard and MOST stressful right now!

I keep asking why? and when will things begin to change? and still NO ANSWERS, NO RELIEF!

We filed our income taxes and we are supposed to be getting a $400.00 dollar refund which would be great, but it is going to pay child care(child support) which was SAID to never have been paid. and the $900.00 dollar stimulus payment we should have recieved as well also went to pay that! It is just plain frustrating becasue no matter how we look at things it just seem so unending. Whenever Steve went to court about this alleged outstanding child care bill, one party said it was paid and then we had proof it was paid by a federally funded agency, yet becasue we had no lawyer we are stuck paying this account so regardless - we have no refund comming. Oh well I keep praying that God will help us in this situatuion as well.

I just feel like no matter how I pray if it has to do with praying for OUR situatuions; It is like he is NOT listening. Yet people ask me to pray for them and their situations and He answers prayers.

Oh well - whatever happens will be; and there is not much of a darn thing I can do.

tired & frustrated AGAIN!!

I didn't get the job.... .... AGAIN! Steve is going on another interview tomorrow - see what happens.
although I am pretty sure its gonna probably be another negative outcome. So I guess I am definitely in a very negative mood. YES, I am a christian but that doesn't make me a super person. I am so FRUSTRATED. I just feel like being honest, brutally honest! I am so very, tired and I just can't figure out why this is so crazy! Why?!?!?! When is this HORRIBLE roller coaster gonna stop?

I had a WONDERFUL dream about my precious 'Lijah and he was crawling and drooling and holding him in my arms felt so good! BUT then I woke up... WHAT A HORRIBLE REALITY TO WAKE UP TO!!! I have been crying all day & Easter was hard too.

I just wish I could end this horrible reality I am living.

I know & yes I do count my blessings but this just sucks!

HI ALL!!! 'Spring Break'

Well, today is Tuesday. Kay is on spring break. She is home for a few days this week. Yesturday she went on a play date with a special friend from Puerto Rico who is in the States for Easter:) They had a wonderful time. Josiah also went on a play date. Daddy had a day for himself & I was swept away to the coast for dinner with Dorothy & Cindy! We ALL had such a BLESSED day! We all got much needed RECREATIONAL TIME :)

We are so blessed. Saturday we went to decorate the cemetery for passion week. and we watched the sun set. It was nice.

Kay will be with us for Resurection Sunday!!!

I went on an interview A G A I N!!!! & still don't know what will happen!!!! Rrrrr - so frusterating!

MISSING OUR BABY SO MUCH THIS EASTER!!!

Kito Ben's here!!! 'computer for my fingers'

KAY IS HOME!!! it has been 2 weeks since we seen her and OMG we missed her like CRAZY, CRAZY!!! Home is so much fun whenever we are ALL home!!!

Tonight we are moving camp douglas out on the trampoline!!! scarey :) l.o.l!

well I better go... We have so many pictures but don't have a way to publish right now.

My interview went BAD!! Oh well, no other choice but to KEEP TRUSTING!!! the best thing to do any ways huh?!!

Erika I hope all is going good for you with your little one growing healthy inside!!!

Just gotta say I MISS talking to you all but I think of you all whenever I see your Home State on the news with the weather :)

Time moves forward...

Well, today is the 18th of March. I went to ANOTHER job interview & failed the test!!! Woooo Hoooo! way to boost an ego! huh!!!

GOD continues to see us through! At times I feel so desperate and then at other times I am reminded of HIS sweet presence in our lives and the joy HE brings through the valleys!!

I Love MY SHEPHERD (Psalms 23)

'Si & I have been going to "library school" (he calls it that) twice a week :)

Kay & Dad went to her first ever father daughter dance!! ( hope to post pictures real soon)

' Si flew his first kite

Kay & 'Si helped dad build a tree house

SO MANY, MANY memories being made on a daily basis. wish I had internet at home to be able to share all the beautiful momnents we are treasuring and the things that still knock me on my butt with sudden waves of emptiness without our 'Lijah. He would be 8 months!!!

PLEASE KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS... going on another interview tomorrow

Josiah still mentions Jaxon every morning when he comes his hair!!
HI JAX! from Josiah :)

Gotta go now! times up @ library :)

MISS YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH!!!

Bigger Than 'this' time in our lives

I am certain of this one thing! Whatever God has planned for our lives... IT IS MUCH BIGGER AND GREATER than this time in our lives. We are passing through the rising waters, the raging fires BUT WE ARE CERTAINLY IN THE VERY HAND OF GOD!!!

Every day is another trial, another struggle, another moment of stress or worry - BUT then WE ARE ABLE TO SEE that none of this matters. WE are just passing through - We are not home yet!

GOD has continued to BLESS us in such a wonderful way. Steve is leading our family in a daily devotional. Kayla & I are doing a mother daughter devotion and our walk in God is so amazing.

FACTS:
Economy is still very much in crisis.
Our Finances are still very chaotic.
We are still looking feverishly for jobs.
We still have not gotten jobs.
the monthly bills keep coming.
We still run out of shampoo & tooth paste
GOD STILL CONTINUES TO DAILY PROVE HE IS MORE THAN ABLE TO MEET OUR NEEDS!!!!

That is the best fact of all & it is what keeps us focused on Christ and the bigger plan for our lives as THE DOUGLAS FAMILY.

We are certain that HE IS OUR SOURCE OF STRENGTH, OUR COMFORT OUR LOVE, OUR HOPE, OUR TRUTH AND OUR ALL IN ALL!!!

We know HE has a PLAN that will be fulfilled in our lives that will bring HIM honor and glory!

We continue to stand in the need of prayer!!
WE ARE ALSO PRAYING FOR OUR BLOG LAND BUDDIES!!!

GOD CONTINUES TO BE FAITHFUL!

Hi, ALL!
Just needed to let you all know we are doing much better! Praise God! still no jobs - but MAN GOD IS GOOD!!! HE CONTINUES TO SUSTAIN US!!!

We are so excited about the mere fact that God is just amazingly providing for our needs.

Our financial situation has not really changed much but to be able to see HIS HAND at work in us is amazing!!!

Our relatives have miraculously been blessed and helped us by paying our rent. We had our water services disconnected and some dear friends came to our rescue. Our Electric bill was almost disconnected and again GOD moved!

We do not understand the WHY's or the WHEN's BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU ALL THAT GOD IS SO FAITHFUL.

This time has been such a growing time in our lives. We are seeing an ENORMOUS GROWTH in our spiritual walk with the Lord.

We have started to have family devotional time reading our bible and praying. Steve and I are experienceing a wonderful time together in the Lord like never before.

The kids are good. We are missing Kayla real bad!! We were supposed to go see her last Wednesday but Josiah had been in the hospital over night and then returned again the following day because he was very very ill. We had a big scare- his body was not reacting to any antbiotics. He is doing much better now! Praise The Lord!

I just wanted to say that we are doing alot of growing... the storms are pretty tough but if we remain walking with our eyes set on the spiritual aspect of things then we begin to watch the HAND OF GOD MOLDING US INTO EXACTLY WHO HE WANTS US TO BE!!!

I am learning to love and cherish this painful time that is producing such beauty within our family.

We are greatful for all your continued prayers and loving messages

* I am still not connected to the internet at home so I do not have a chance to check on all of my blog friends so a very special hello to all of Elijah's love club, Hi to Susie, Kristy, Karen, Jennifer, Becky, Kathy, Melissa, Lori in NY the Friesen's, Erika in NH, Sheena, to ALL OF YOU!!! I MISS YOU TERRIBLY!! I MISS GETTING ONLINE AND CHECKING IN ON YOU AND SEE WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR DAILY LIVES!!

STANDING IN THE NEED OF PRAYER

We are still holding onto our faith with every shred of hope that HE WILL SEE US through
KEEP THE PRAYERS COMMING; cause this Sunami is still raging and roaring!

January 9th

6 months ago today, We were holiding our little 'Lijah in our arms. It feels so chaotic!
I really want to give up!!! I know I can't quit but I am so tired and I honestly don't see things straight any more.

Steve & I continue to be under a tremendous amount of financial stress (unimaginable)!!!
We both went on job interviews today.

Which could be seen as a good thing except that I don't have anymore energy to hope.

I will not be blogging much any more because we no longer have internet service. I am honestly not sure how much longer until this dam will break.

I will try to check my emails whenever I get a hold of a computer & I will try to blog at least once a week. (my nephew ben's computer)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED PRAYERS & SUPPORT
Prayer requests:
#1 JOBS for Steve & I
#2 continued peace in our home
#3 kids health
#4 Gods provision
#5 direction

our email is stv.mre@gmail.com

HELLO!

OUR EMAIL IS stv.mre@gmail.com (for that someone who asked)

Hello All: we are still holding on tightly to the strength that only comes from our Lord. We are taking life one moment at a time.

Steve & I are both still looking for jobs. (still nothing).

All we can say is that we are still here, still keeping our faith, our love for each other is growing stronger through these trial-some days. We are growing in our walk with Christ every day. We are truly going through a threshing process. It hurts - It is tiresome and oh so desperately desolate at times. Our focus during this past year is on the end result; a greater glory - some day.

Though these last few days seem heavier, Steve & I find ourselves in a place of questioning -" when will it stop raining? When will the flood waters stop rising?" When will we see the raging waves be still?"

Went to church tonight - I guess since it has been a while since I blogged I haven't written down that our positions as teachers has changed and we are now in charge of the nursery. YUP! the nursery. Kinda ironic how we are the ones doing this and we are also the ones who lost a baby.

Yesterday- Moriah came over for the evening. Her parents were enjoying a 1 month anniversary dinner. It was fun having her over. We all had so much fun!! she is showing an interest in trying to push her feet down to roll onto her tummy. Yesterday, for the very first time I had a flash back of Elijah's head while rubbing Moriah's. (it was weird).

He would have been turning 6 months in two days.

I can hardly believe six months have passed and we still seem to be going through such turmoil.
I often find myself wondering what kind of testimony our lives are being to others. I mean we are supposed to be an example, an encouragement, we are Christians and that word means to be like Christ. WE ARE SO NOT! Our lives are supposed to bring glory to God. How can the way we are living possibly glorify God?!?!!!

TOSTITO BOWL

Tonight - Jonathan & Olivia, Tony & Beth came over with dinner and we had a tostito bowl party. Kito & I spent the afternoon together it was so nice! I hadn't had a nice time with my 1st nephew in a VERY LONG time. We got back and it was just about time for everyone to get here so Kito Ben stayed for pizza too!!

Steve had called me while I was out with Kito & told me they were all meeting here to watch the game with him. When Kito & I walked in to the house Steve & Josiah had made some posters that said OHIO vs. TEXAS he had divided the living room in half and set it up for opposing teams. Tony is from Texas so he & the Dews were going for Texas, Mom goes with the flow, Josiah & I are partial to Texas as well - normally Steve is too but tonight he decided to make it fun and he was the lone ranger going for OHIO Jonathan & Olivia got here and Jonathan also decided it would be fun to Join Steve in going against Tony. Olivia sided with us :)
Way to go 'Livia!!! YOU CHOSE THE WINNING TEAM!!!!!!

Such a nice evening full of laughter and carefree, pleasurable fun with my bro. & sis :)

I am so grateful to Jonathan, it seems that lately he has been getting real close to Steve. I am not sure if it is just happening naturally what but it has been such a needed outlet for Steve.

I also want to say Thank you to all my dear friends who have been e-mailing to check in on us. We are doing okay
>GO LONGHORNS!!!<

Still believeing...

We are still holding onto our faith, eachother and hope! We had a rough day but thank the Lord He saw us through another day!!!