Not like I had hoped

My new years eve was nothing like I mentioned in the post before this one. For some reason things were a bit different - not at all what i had hoped for... funny just like so many other things in 2008 - not like I had wished!

We went to church. The evening turned out to be quite long and I was not doing too well. I realized early on in the evening that my defense mechanism for the evening was curtness.

Hmm - well that's not too nice!!! But that is how I was dealing with things and so that is how it was, period.

We left earlier than normal - usually we stay till at least 30 minutes passed midnight. We left at fifteen til. We drove home. Ahhhhh it felt so good to come HOME.

Josiah was still awake and we all three sat in the living room for about 1 hour. Josiah fell asleep and Steve & I stayed talking for about another hour.

Woke up at 7:30 a.m. We watched the ROSE BOWL PARADE and a football game. Lounged around the house till 1:30 in the afternoon. Steve went to buy us some T.P @ wal-mart and me & 'Si stayed home (still in our jammies) My mom & sisters kept calling to see if we were going. i said we were but just not sure what time. Finally made it out of the house at 5:00 came back a t 6:30.

Man we need jobs BAD!!!
I'm in a pretty sucky mood - not mad, angry, or even grouchy.... just not in a "HAPPY, JOLLY MOOD"
So much going on inside my mind just don't feel like sharing.
Been looking for jobs. Applied for two; Each of us & we are still waiting.
I hate to even put any energy into... NO I DON'T HAVE ANY ENERGY TO PUT INTO HOPING any more. it's to tiring to get my hopes up & get all excited and start imagining what it might be like to get "that" job.
I kept thinking all day long about HOW I JUST WISH so very darn bad that things could be different. I'm not even going as far as talking about Elijah, I mean just a "little" different. Wish we weren't barely getting by & HOW I SO WISH GOD WOULD JUST MAKE THING CLEAR ALREADY!
Man, I don't even know if any one can imagine how tired we are. Not even my mom or my family realize what we are feeling. JUST PLAIN TIRED!! Ironic huh? a brand new year with the same old heavy load - nothings really changed, not yet any ways!

I got a call from some one today who was just bragging on all she got for Christmas, all she had gotten her husband, and how "tired" they were from "shopping" and "returning" gifts. Hmmm! funny!!
"tired" like me & Steve (NOT)
She went on to tell me how they were ready for a meal at home cause they have just been going out to restaurants and places to eat for the past two weeks. HOW NICE!!!
Our pantries are pretty bare til Saturday.
If this person went to our church or read my blog she would know I am not the one to tell al her "shopping woes" to!!!
Oh well so is life right?
YEA THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF SHADOW OF DEATH... I will fear no evil, thy rod & thy staff they comfort me. YOU lead me beside still waters, you restore my soul.... OH WE NEED THAT REFRESHING!!!

YOUR BANNER OVER ME IS LOVE, LORD!!!
YOUR GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME!!!
IN MY WEAKNESS YOU ARE STRONG!!!
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord, my ROCK & MY REDEEMER!!

* We Love you all - sorry if you run into us & we are quiet. It's not you it's just a heavy load* & PLEASE Pass it on so others who might not read this, will know we aren't MAD we are just in need of a whole lot of prayer.